MLMR

Wow, ... only.... 11 months?! Honestly, you sound so much more experienced than that, in quitting! Well, well done, congratulations!! Proud of you for making your quit work like you do and for carrying it with pride. Love your story telling and your humor, Im sure they helped you a great deal the past 11 (woohooo!!!!) months

So good you reached out, glad to hear it helped a bit. Each time you get through moments like this, you are solidifying your quit I read 'feeling sorry for myself'. I think we have all been there... but do know that, as hard as it may seem at times, you always have a choice to make this as comfortable as possible for yourself! What would that be for you, any idea? Take care and again, kudos for reaching out.

I think your place is stacked with hidden glitter traps!

@jillar that'd be great. He cut back on vaping already, at least when I'm around.. but it's (unfortunately ) up to him to make the decision. He is very proud that I quit again (yesterday he kept saying how happy he was about my improved breathing, he said he notices I'm more 'peaceful' in a certain way, becoming less agitated and much more aware in the moment). Let's hope the Stick will have his own awakening some day and give up on that grown man's dummy

@c9jane29 thats hero material. For both of you ? So cool he's coming right after you though! Lucky man, got an expert with him.

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Thanks. I can use them. Junkie thinking all over the place. Stick is actually avoiding me (he's afraid I'll kill him if I catch him vaping).?

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Hi RD! I have a welcome song for you, to help get you through this fantastic third day already! And you got me wondering. WTH would someone eat soap. As you can see, quitting smoking doesn't make one sharper, per se. Take good care and choose whatever advise fits you best, you'll get plenty of it (if you let us follow your trip into the wild)

Why did you quit smoking? ● less anxiety ● to become more comfortable and ok with who I am • physical health How long did you smoke? Started at 14, quit around 28, started again three years later. After that, I entered a relapse cycle. Horrible. Smoked for a total of +/- 18 years. How long have you been smoke-free? 65 days How long do you think it should take to be free of nicotine addiction? About a year working to be "safe", concious maintenance for the rest of my life. If you go back to smoking, will you want to quit again? YES How long will it be before you do? Weeks...months...years? When illness strikes? I honestly have no idea. Will quitting be any easier next time around? I don't know. How do you think smoking will benefit you? Not at all. Is it worth giving up what you've worked so hard to do? No.

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@notsmokinjo ahhhwwww, that kanga! Think you can send me one as a playmate for my kitty? Or would that be illegal? It was so strange, I really was 14, 15 again for a brief moment. I saw myself acting all tough girl, anti-everything, 'I don't need anyone!'. But I did need someone and I wasn't tough, back then. It helped to write it down, it certainly got me drying my tears, take a deep breath and move along. I like what your dear Grandma said to you and I took her advise and shelved it for after work. So, anyway, @c9jane29 the fashion you describe is indeed to cry over! I wore my aunts 70's pants and dyed my hair henna red, for over ten years. Heavy black eyeshade, oh how cool and untouchable I was! I promiss you I won't dwell. Got some happy crying to do, you are right! And by the way, talkin about fashion...and talkin about cryin.... do you think this guy implies he's Megadongs nephew?

Oh gawd. Shaking about what just happened. Was going to buy some breakfast before work, at a place I usualy try to avoid. Its where I grew up. Poured coffee in the supermarket, got what I needed and payed. Once outside a giant melancholy came over me. Saw the crappy station where I hung out as a teen (rollin' / smoking cigs), and the sad grey buildings. I swear it was like someone opened a bottle of memories and emptied it on me. Im not sure whether it was a smell or simply being at that place that activated this but the result is here I am, typing this on my phone in the car sobbing about god knows what kind of child memory stuff. And I really need to go to work now and get my act together. The joys of quitting ... ?

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Hi Sally, sending you congratulations on this beautiful event you created for yourself five years ago. Must have been some journey (it was a joy to read through your blog!). Thanks so much for everything that you do on the quittrain. Always so spot-on and with tender care. Pretty remarkable. Ive shared some doubts with you in these two months ... and somehow you were able to help me find my Chi back, through rollercoaster quitting, by trusting the proces. Thanks. Take good care and spoil yourself in ways the Gods would be jealous of!!

Thanks @Baseball Coach for bringing this up. I trained myself in recognizing them, in the beginning of my quit. I am now at a point where it really annoys me to take time to examine triggers (most of the time they are just that.. not even craves). This reminds me how important it is to see them every time for what they are: patterns. Changing seasons, for instance. Brings up different thoughts/moods etc. Tempting time to lay back and dwell in self pity, because of aaaaallllll the triggers 'that are still here'. While its got probably everything to do with unconciously remembering what I did as a smoker at this time of the year.

Nope. As sad as it is. Monsanto-Bayer /big pharma, yay.

@notsmokinjo thanks, ha! Weedie is one of my favorite projects. Yarn, sugar and hairspray. Feels as sticky as the real thing. @c9jane29 uh yes, the bud is what counts ? By the way, I think in the end there will be no leaves left at all.... theyr'e overdeveloping some species to supermegaultra strong proportions, knockout weed. ?

Thanks for sharing that @c9jane29. I want to introduce you to Weedie! I created him a few years ago, as an ode to this anxiety relieving Plant (well, that's what it did for me at least) ? Nowadays smoking him is just a memory. But I can relate to what you said really well.. like you said, junkie brain at it's best. Resolve forged in fire. I like that image. @jillar awfully simple but yes. Keep noping and itll be alright. And @SazeracI am also glad. I have a little trouble with digesting the annoying construct of NOT wanting to smoke and still having these thoughts. Ahhhh hear me talking. Thats the junkie. Classic. It is what it is. Accept it for now. And so it goes... ??

Grrrrrr Nope!! ?

Well goodluck to him stickin' his trouble up there were the sun don't shine!! Starting to grow tired of this nagging little voice, sneaking up on me when I least expect. Bweh.

So ... since eating cigarettes isn't exactly the right thing to celebrate a 2month quit with, I'll be once again having a hard look at some things. I challenged myself to think of at least 3 new found improvements. Here goes. 1. No more butts everywhere at my Villa Balconya. Just clean concrete. Very cozy. <- read that one somewhere, by the way. Haven't been to Balconya like forever, so how would I know. I just assume. Unless my unkind neighbours emptied their ashtray on my tiny outside space. 2...uhm... 3...ehhhh... (Junkie thinking: *screw improvements. You know you miss me*. No. I don't miss you and for the record, 'you' don't even exist. 'You' are just pattern in my brain that I'm about to destroy for good. What does exist is my body, my health, my family, my surroundings and especially my ... *oh, just quit your righteous do-good talk. Who cares anyway, who are you kidding!* Ok brain pattern, you know what? Drop dead! The fact that I have 2 months under my belt and I would like to light an entire pack, does not jeopardize my quit as long as I don't light up. Early night, goodbye world! Tomorrow it's us again.) Aaaaaarghhh! NOPE!!! Nope nope nope nope noperdenope!!

Thanks all! Glad these first two months are over, now I'm heading towards 1 quarter of that Lido deck. And I'll be going out for dinner tonight, so don't worry about that treat. Gotta get back to work quick, but will carry this tingling proud feeling with me today. Oh and this gif is a bit like me, after two months: colourful and happy. And a bit more voluptuous than I'm used to. And that's ok because first things first etc. Ahum. Yes.

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