MLMR

6 days already? Seems like you just got here and suddenly it's almost a week already Keep it up!

Thanks a lot, Jo. That sure means something. P.s. I am totally not emotional right now. ?

Im not one for signs and angel callings, but I must admit that this Google search result on 2144 is pretty prophetic.

Im a bit embarassed to tell.. but Stick had a stand at a whisky event and asked me to come. I promised him that id be there. I love whisky... but Im not really comfortable with lots of people at the same time, socializing and small talk isn't my specialty. I went anyway, sweaty and nautious and ready to take a run for it. But once inside, it was kinda ok. It's always like that when anxiety hits: it occurs gradually, builds up, I think of ways to escape whatever it is that I gotta do, I push through and go and then afterwards Im tired as hell but satisfied and like 'fvck yeah, I slayed that demon again!'. People usually don't notice, but on the inside I am at war with a nasty stinkin' gnome that has absolutely NO legetimate reason to keep haunting me on top of the highest building and with knees made out of jelly. But I managed to throw him off again so I guess that's the most important thing. ?

And these Cheering Sticks are a present to, ehm... me. ? I am about to do something that scares the crap out of me and Social Anxiety is ratteling it's chains.

Nope Oh and for map day:

Reading scary bedtime stories.

Nothing to do on a saturday evening. Friends doing things without me, Mr. Man is having Stick's Night. Cat is having a ball with a fake mouse and the dishes are done. There's a cake in the oven but I have to be patient a little longer. God. Bourgeois. Dead silence. I could go for a walk. Maybe do some closet organizing? Hmm. Haven't seen my neighbours in ages, I might check if theyr'e still alive. Now I come to think of it, why arent they checking on me? Ok, forget it. I don't like them anyway. I think of all the boring moments in the past. Smoking seemed the right thing to do. Strange, how it often kept me from ... well, doing things. Was I really bored and smoking? Or did smoking make me believe not caring much for other things was ok...and did I maybe even create boredom to justify smoking? It's amazing to rediscover myself as a pretty pro-active person. I want to get things done, not much 'sit-there-wait-and-see' left. It started out during the first weeks as distraction, keeping my mind off smoking. But now, unplanned, it's gradually becoming the new normal somehow and I really really like that! No more 'oh let's smoke one first'! ('Beautiful. Ok. Done? Good. Now let's have a sm...'). <-- nothing wrong there. Fart of the brain. No need to get uptight and all. This is the plan: tea and cake, evening walk, ring the neighbours bell and run away real quick, shower, sleep.

Last but definitely not least: @jillar here you go!!!

@Linda Thomas ... also a regular here. Glad you found out the way the game works! I have some slapstick for you. You are doing such an awesome job with the oldies and especially with learning how to put yourself first. I think it's amazing. This is either to slap someone who deserves it, or to laugh REAL GOOD!!

This is for you, @notsmokinjo. The result after I googeld 'Inventive stick' because you know how to make something out of nothing and always look for a good story. You think about so many people, please don't forget yourself!

And here's to @Doreensfree. You are my hero! Having escaped going feetless through life, while taking care of your Mr. Stick and his after-smoking-hell. And sharing that with all of us, to help and to warn and to encourage. Thanks, SO MUCH! Enjoy this Megadong!

@c9jane29 a present for you. Because you learned me how to glitterbomb!! (Seriously. I do that in my mind now, whenever someones trying to sabotage me, no matter in what area of my life. Glitterbombing rules. )

Yihaaa, 4 months! Well done. What's it like up there? I imagine the view is pretty awesome. Way to go and keep going strong!

Yes. Ive got this one on sale now, I think it would look good on you!

It's that time of the year again.

I think I'm finally on the right path.

That's the best news the doc could give. You must be so relieved, Lilly! I have something for you. It's a message from someone you know very well. 'I have been dabbling with quitting since the nineties. My quits varied in length ie 10 minutes, 10 hours and now and again weeks. I threw the towel in on every quit I had because I just wasn't willing to endure a bit of discomfort. It was much easier to go and buy a packet of cigarettes than it was to feel "out of sorts." I would provoke arguments at home so I could blame the other person for driving me back to smoking. I would get a flat tyre and be dancing at the roadside because nobody would expect me to keep my quit under such trying circumstances. I wanted to be a non smoker but at the same time I just couldn't let go. If you find yourself in the same position then join the forum and ask for help. Reaching out to people who have already quit could be the missing piece of the jigsaw for you like it was for me. I did it a couple of days ago and am so grateful to everyone who took the time to encourage and share their hints, tips and recipes for success. I found out today that when I smoked a cigarette I kind of did it on auto pilot. I would think of a cigarette, light it, smoke it and put it out. Today I really concentrated on each cigarette and realised they don't taste great at all and I didn't enjoy any of them. The realisation that I actually was just an addict getting their fix was a bit of a revelation. I always disputed that theory and was adamant I loved smoking but now I know I was blinded by my addiction. Read this site as much as you can because it really is a treasure chest of information. Set a quit date and stock up on plenty of quit food. You will get so caught up in the excitement of quitting here you will be desperate to start your own quit. As they say here you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.' You wrote this a while ago. I wonder, what will be your next step? I would like to give you faith and courage, but I can't. Yet, I am convinced you have it in you, as we all do!

BAMMM! @Jet Black thanks for this hopefull, no-nonsense and honest post. ? I love to read these stories. All different approaches, various attitudes towards quitting/methods/life in general. But with one obvious thing in common: proof that quitting smoking is doable AND desirable! Thanks again

Nope

Yes, we were having a conversation yesterday and I told her I was still educating myself as much as possible, checking out this lecture and that etc., she was the one to suggest Id post it here because of the educational value. You were right, she loved it ('Nerdy and good' )

Great video. Definitely didn't pick up everything but I will be watching again. As far as I get it: There's different types of nicotine receptors, all binding to nicotine but all different properties and all giving off different signals. Some for learning, some for fight or flight response, another one that allows your heart rate to come up. They are widespread through the brain and are affecting many behaviours. Gives me a clue as to why I unconciously perceived it as a wonderdrug. Watch, to understand how the different nicotine receptors are hijacked by smoking. Oh and... tar is not just an unfortunate byproduct of cigarettes, it's actually a feature of the drug delivery device: it carries nicotine to the lungs, so it can reach the brain rapidly. Very important aspect of this addiction. Yuck.

Yep, I certainly do! And the best part was, I had a flashback, was thinking of so many moments when I actually got angry, but managed to dull it away with smoking. In other words, saying to myself: It's NOT ok to have this emotion, it must go away. Yeah!! That's right. It hit me.. Djeez. Ofcourse I knew it was about nicotine and giving myself a false sense of consolation, ease. But I never thought of the fact that smoking in these particular situations, while being sad, angry, bored, etc. is a repetetive way of telling myself that it's not ok to feel the way I do. I am actually a bit bewildered now ?

Dear Linda, I am so sorry to hear this. Glad you take the oldies home early. They probably won't understand anyway but that doesn't matter. But for you I whish you can be with whatever emotion you have, without having to deal with them in ways that are too demanding right now. Promiss to post whenever you want. That goes for the SOS section as well. Take care!