MLMR

Thanks @jillar. I try to mention the benefits every day, part of staying committed to my quit. ?

So good to hear your breathing is also improving. How about the anxiety? So far I'm surprised, I don't have significantly more panic attacks. They are not decreasing either, maybe when all is balanced out a bit more ..

In order to create a sleep sanctuary in my bedroom, I started by cleaning the windows inside and outside. Put the curtains in the machine, fresh sheets on the bed after cleaning the bed itself, vacuumd and mopped. Sorted out the closet, threw away junk that was just hangin' around there and spreading god-knows-what kind of occult dark energy. Last night I slept ok, I think I got 6 hours. Got some energy back, good for sponging, scrubbing and cleansing my house. I think I have sharper taste already and my morning squeak has vanished! Also when I take a deep breath, I am able to uhhhhhh. How do I say that. Complete it? Finish it up to the point where my lungs feel full? Well, whatever. It's a joy, anyway.

Take charge

These are some of the words/lines I wrote down last week (maybe translation is a bit off sometimes): Sweet kisses. Breathing from my core. Smoking equals an insecure, empty feeling. Oxygen = O2. Freedom, pride, easily running the stairs when in a rush. Shiny hair. The cigarette gives nothing, but takes everything. Clean car. Pink lungs. 5 minutes rule rules!!! See through the brainwashing. Lillies. ------------ silence is ok -------------- To be with what I feel. Just. Be. With. It. Adjusting. Fresh laundry, peated whisky, waking up with a clean throat. This journey is a different one. It's now. It's ok to not know what needs to be done. Knowing isn't everything. HEALTH!! Celebrate every day. It's not childish. It's knowing where I came from. White teeth, fresh clothes, younger skin, way more money to spend with the man I love, no more rushing out at restaurants. Yahoo self love!

Gosh, I wish I were you... @Doreensfree thanks. And @Parsley @Sazerac and @jillar ofcourse. I I am actually doing quit ok ?. Got my positivity back, it always amazes me how much simpeler problems seem when it's daytime. It was like I had a huge hangover today, well I know that feeling and I can handle that, ha! Besides that, day 8 (!) already. How cool is that. Don't have much to say. But I am reluctant to leave the forum.

Quitting itself is not so much of a problem. Have only had 2 or 3 really bad cravings since I started. I like reading about addiction, it helps me. I like debunking the addict thoughts and Im enjoying freshness and I am proud I am doing this again. Really. Oh and allen Carr's audio Book is great. It's not your average romance or adventure but ok.. But this stupid sleepthing messes me up !!!!!!!!! Temporary. Temporary. Temporary.

Yes I tell that myself the whole time. It wont last forever, it's only temporary. It scares me that it's only been like this for four days and already has such an impact. It might take a while and somehow I need to accept that.

Help! It's 2:15 am and I have been awake since 11 already. ? I know I shouldnt worry but it worries me so much anyway. I try to do deep breathing but when I start, I feel panic coming up so I go back to shallow breathing again immediately, I can't push through. Since four days I have this cramp in my neck/back, I think I am too tense about not sleeping, when I go to bed. It's the wellknown circle. I just can't have this, so afraid that the sleeplessness will trigger old things. I really want to believe that it's temporarily. Im still pretty sane, but when this continues I'm not sure how to handle. Smoking is not an option, no way. I'm not worried about that. When I come home from work I don't have enough energy yet to do things like Qi Gong or making my bedroom a sleeping walhalla or even buying things like milk, sleeping tea etc. I figure that I need to do these things next weekend. Sorry but...for now it's just like this: ?

Hi all, meet Chamele, my weird looking, big-eyed, somewhat scared baby quit. It's exactly one week old. I nurture it , raise it and now and then I spoil it. I'm afraid he's a bit unworldly and foggy sometimes. He might even scream for no apparant reason. There's no need to hide from him, he's not dangerous. He seems alert, afraid even. He has this cool habit of changing colours, lately he chooses different clothing every few minutes. It suits him for now. They say he will ease out when he grows up. I love him anyway.

Trying to stay positive, but today that's a bit too hard. Main goal is to survive this day in one piece I guess. One non-smoking piece, that is. I feel sad, unstable, foggy. Bleghh. I look forward to tonight, I'll be having dinner with a friend. Pancakes, let the comfortfood come my way please. I don't want no cucumber carrots and tomatoes anymore.

Honest...? I feel like crap. Bad night again. Apparantly body was run over by truck tonight. Bleghhhh

Ok, last post before I turn off everything that blinds me with evil sleepless blue light. I just had a good walk with my best friend. There was crying, talking, sentiment, mud and a beautiful sky. Man, what a proces. Quitting smoking. I have some things planned for the weekend. Finding out about Qi Gong (@Doreensfree), arranging some natural air freshener for in my car and make a reservation schedule for the next half year, with people who own bathtubs ? And now off to an hour screenless sleep-preparation. Which I don't worry about. AT ALL.

I am thankfull for all of your tips, I really do appreciate you all thinking with me and with eachother. I decided to call my doctor tomorrow morning and discuss this with her. In general, I avoid medication if I can, but... now is not a general occasion. And my sleep is worth a lot to me! I think I want to give it one week and if it's not any better by then I'll contact her again and then she can subscribe me something without an appointment, because she knows what's going on. @notsmokinjoyou said somehing about flu and cold tablets....? What's that? And @Sazerac you are right about the screens. Tonight I am going to walk for one hour, then take a shower and go to bed. There will be no screens involved Today I had some new triggers to digest. Holiday season is over, so there was a lot of traffic. Queing, no cigaret... ugh. Instead, I started thinking about how I can remove the stench from my house on wheels. I might make a project out of that, next weekend. Many people asked me today how I am doing and although I think it's sweet, it was a bit too much. While I told them I'm doing surprisingly well, I'm like.... ahhh I want to run away for a cigaretbreak. So... went to the restroom and thought about what was really going on: I'm just not so good at being the center of attention. Besides that, I know the way it works... people will forget about it in some time, but for me the journey continues. And somehow that thought made me feel alone and thus craving for a smoke. This addiction has interesting ways of work... Lies debunked today: * I can't be in traffic jam without smoking. Well.... yes, ofcourse I can. Unfortunately, traffic jam is traffic jam and I am in it, smoke or no smoke * I will never be able to drink coffee at work again, without wanting to smoke. Uh... yes I can drink coffee and just continue with what I am doing. But... for the first time I realised how disgusting this machine coffee actually is. And since I have these sleep issues, I will rule out coffee anyway, for some time. Kinda strange, since I came from at least 6 mugs a day. I guess body and mind are adjusting and maybe it's my job to give in to that for now. -edit- omg!!! Tomorrow evening it's a week already!!!

I know you are right @Sslip. And at the same time it's the hardest thing to do, not worry about the lack of sleep when that same lack of sleep is such an issue.. I always try to say to myself, when I lay awake for 3 hours, my brain thinks I've slept 1,5. Lying down is resting as well. And I think what they say is true, during those insomnia nights you always sleep more then you are aware off, even when it's these little in-between-naps. I'll try to keep in mind that it might just be a few weeks...

I'll be needing those tips, tonight was awfull. Slept few hours, then woke up, doze off, only to wake 20' later to stare at the ceiling for the rest of the night. I am worried, I hoped that during this quit my sleeping pattern would not be so badly influenced. Sleep is my main trigger in moodswings... Head up high, off to work. Day 6.

<3 @these. Making them part of my mantra's. And would like to hear more about your theories () but you are right, here and now it's probably not the right place.

I am nearing my 5-days mark. I am happy about that because it means that before I know it, I will have the first week under my belt. The past five days my fear of depression has almost vanished. That's extraordinary and a bit uhm, unusual as well. Where other people are sure they will gain at least 60 pound (and heck, that fear feels realistic), my quit fear has always been the sadness and the darkness. I won't dwell on it for too long, but trust me. For me, that fear is about life and death. I carry a heavy heart... and worked my ass off all these years to make it lighter. And now, I suddenly am not so sure anymore about quitting and depression. I question the relation between the two. That's ... HUGE!!!. Imagine... what if I could do this without hitting rock bottom again? How awesome would that be, to see this addiction for what it is? Ahhhh. While I write this, I hear this little voice, it says: 'Hah! Being cocky and everything, well girl, just wait for it! I'll get you some!'. I think I will continue listening to Allen Carr's audiobook and give this voice a taste of his own medicine. Going to bed early. Last night was crap. I have never been able to sleep well for the first months of quitting and I do know that has a great impact on my moods. I tried everything from late night walks to baths, super gross lavender sleep tea and listening to delta waves. I would like to hear your golden tip, if you have one!

@Sslip thank you @Sazerac it's comforting to know that we all sort of deal with the same lies. It's easier for me to make it less personal and less of an 'it's my own fault'thing. While still taking responsability for MY quit. Thanks for your support. @Christa326 good to know . I have not much looked into other blogs/stories, still have to find my way around here. But I believe I read that you are somewhere in your second week or so?

@work, but I thought, I have to jump in for a second and make room for my thoughts. I think a lot about smoking today. And my schedule is too busy take my time for these thoughts. But if I don't do it at all, I'll be dead tired tonight. So here goes... * It's a lie that I can't do my job properly without smoking. I am good at what I do. * It's a lie that I need smoking to ease my mind. I know number of ways to relax when I need to: tea, breathing, going outside and getting REAL fresh air/oxygen. Chewing on a delicious variety of tomatoes, cucumber, carrots, eggs, an apple, banana... oh joy! * It's a lie that I loose my focus after a while, when I don't smoke. I'm still adjusting so maybe I am distracted easily this week, but apart from that my concentration is just fine. Smoking is an addiction. Agitation is something that's caused by smoking, not something that was there already and one can cure by smoking.