I think it's the addiction, we'll always be the addict (in my opinion).
That's why we must always be vigilant.
I stay prepared for that monster. There is a reason I spent those years reading, watching videos and constantly educating myself.
Supporting others and being supported to keep myself accountable.
Understanding the lie is what helps me on those moments when I "want" a cigarette.
Glad you came to vent about it. That's part of what this fabulous support group is all about.