It's evening.  Quiet. I live alone (my dog died 12 weeks ago). Fighting an urge to just get a pack of cigarettes and relieve the tension I'm feeling.

 

Usually I'd have come home from work and had a smoke right away. Then dinner and smoke. Then take vitamins, supplements, and meds. And then smoke. Watch a tv show on the computer (Amazon Prime) and take a break and smoke a cigarette in the middle. About every half hour.

 

Today was manageable. Work breaks are a trigger. Took one of them away from the smokers by staying indoors. It's lovely outside, though, so on lunch I went outside but stayed away from the smokers. Reading Abraham Twerski's book on Addictive Thinking. Yes, made it through the day by pressing on, not allowing my mind to become open to distraction. 

 

Felt the anger and panic feeling that used to drive me straight to the local drug store for my prefered brand of poison. Deep breathing.  Thinking of making nachos. Wow, if this gets to be a trend--eating when I want to be smoking---I could be in trouble for weight gain. In the past when I substituted eating for stopping smoking, fear of weight gain sent me speedily back to smoking. Not today. Maybe tomorrow, but not today, not on May 21.

 

I ordered resistance bands on Amazon so that I can work out when I have a craving. They arrive tomorrow afternoon. I'll feel better when they arrive. Feel a crave....immediately pick up a band, put on the dvd, and do a mini workout. Taking this a few minutes at a time, making it up as I go.  So scared I'll flip into the old altered state of emotions where I hated that I was stopping smoking and angry that I'd even thought I could do it. Feeling my way carefully, slowly, and by examining my thoughts--are they sane thoughts or utterly illogical--only logical to a nicotine addict.

 

Going to bed soon, by 6:30 pm (Pacific Daylight Time). Otherwise, afraid I'll let the anger and panic override good intentions. I took a sleeping aid and made it impossible to drive to the store now. Can't do that every night, but just for tonight I've made it impossible to go and buy cigarettes. I'll leave tomorrow's problems until tomorrow.

 

I think I just talked myself out of an SOS.  I saw Johnny's thread about posting what one would say to oneself in event of an SOS. I am mulling over that one. Great idea, really great. Falling asleep from the prescription med.  Making nachos, keeping reading on the forum, then lights out.

You're hitting on lots of important points there, Kate!  Your quit is super fresh, super raw at the moment, and you're doing great posting here and analyzing what's going on,. As long as you can just let the feelings flow, they will do that- flow.  Don't let them push you into any unwanted action (namely, smoking), just be the observer. Like you said, one day at a time. 

 

BTW, 5/20 is a perfect date to quit!  

Great work Kate. You are off to a good start. I'm a firm believer in the horses for courses approach, we are all different, what works for one might not for another so try on everything until you find the quit style that works for you. Just take it 24hrs at a time, see you have already done the first 1... And tomorrow you only have to focus on 24 hours... Some crave tricks, suck a hard lolly/sweet/candy or chew some gum while you do something that needs focus like play memory or minesweeper or freecell. Yell, scream and cry...you can master this. What a great start.

Good evening, Kate.

Congratulations on your quit !

There are bound to be a few moments when you feel sorely tempted to smoke, you can power through them.

You already know how and smoking is over, bebe, you won't get the 'ahhh' moment anymore,

you will just feel like shit. 

You will have failed yourself and that ain't where it's at.  You are stronger than any crave on the planet.

Talk to us, go play some games to cheer your up.  Distract yourself.  Go take a rockin' hot shower.

You will win.  

You're doing great Kate, each crave you get past gets a little easier the next time. The emotions you are dealing with are totally normal. Some people get mad, some cry.  Don't worry about gaining a couple of pounds, you can lose those later down the road. 

And let me tell you, I had such a hard first few months that I did exactly what you're doing and went to bed. Hoping that tomorrow would be just a little better. You got this Kate, if I can do it anyone can

Kate, you did this perfectly yesterday.

 

Nope in the morning, keeping your mind occupied, posting here, doing anything but smoke (just for today).

 

I'm proud of you. Can we do this again today?

 

I'm sorry to hear about your dog, I hope you had many happy years together.

You have had great replies Kate...

Don't be hard on yourself...remember ..what you are achieving is flippin amazing..life changing..

Your body will be a little messed up for a while..only go be expected.. It's been used to having  chemicals .Being put in every day for a long time.

You doing great...don't forget to reward yourself...

As others have already said, everything you're feeling is very normal and to be expected early on in your quit and you are handling it just fine. Just keep doing what you are doing. Finding ways to outsmart that SOB Nicodemon.

 

As you do, you'll become the strong one and it will weaken. Keep coming here to talk about what you are going through and vent when necessary. We have all been there and applaud the efforts you are now making in your early quit.

Kate, you are doing the right things -- just keep fighting.  I too, would go to bed early in the first weeks of my quit and it did help (better to sleep than smoke) and this will pass.  Deep breathing techniques and drinking cold water helped a lot.  Also  as smokingjo stated the straw cig helped a lot also.  Remember to come here often to vent and to reach out -- we do not judge we only do our best to help you through.  

On reading this, I am super proud of you Kate, you really are wanting this, and at the end of the day that determination will win you through.

keep strong ?

Is this OK???.... oh course its ok, you get through these craves any way you want or need without having a smoke. I have been known to do an entire post of statements about every stupid thought that went through my head in a 5 minute period.. but it got me through the crave. You do what works for you.