I’m sorry to hear about your week @intoxicated yoda. It’s difficult to metabolize loss and to know what we want or need during those times. Try to be kind to yourself while you are coping.
As for me, I’m lying on the couch tonight with a snoring cat on my lap and am pretty much unable to move because I busted my butt this afternoon. A big storm broke a bunch of trees in our yard – sad to see all the damage. Today was about revving up the chain saw, bucking up firewood, and bundling all the small stuff for the county to haul away for mulch. A job well done, but I’m so bleeping sore that it’s going to take me a couple of tries to roll off the couch and lurch to bed. I think even my hair hurts. This is all the adrenalin I need, thanks – no skydiving required.
I totally relate to the idea that nicotine hijacks the brain’s reward centers. Mine are totally screwed up, and yes sometimes the thought of smoking looms large. A different recovery program I once participated in promised that the family problem would eventually “lose its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives.” I’m hopeful that the same will become true of smoking. In the meantime, I’m wishing you ease. Take good care.