DenaliBlues

Hi @Nana20. I can relate, I've fallen off the quit wagon before, myself. Rather than seeing that as a failure, I'm trying to see it as "equipment" to make this quit stick. I know more about what to expect. I know all the wily tricks the nicotine addiction will try to play on me, especially when I am stressed or vulnerable or feeling something I'd rather not feel. I know that instead of smoking, I need distractions and contact with other people - like you - who understand my experience. Staying locked in my own head is NOT a safe neighborhood right now. I can hear your determination and ferocity, Nana, and I love it! It's helping me this morning, so thanks for sharing it. I'm only on day 18, myself, and those first three days were absolutely horrible - I thought I would literally fly apart. But I didn't. I got through them. Hang in there! DenaliBlues

Gosh, thanks for all the support and for the welcome wagon! Very well timed, because I woke up this morning feeling rather low. First thing on my mind was wanting a smoke - that yearning has not abated yet. Right behind it was the acute feeling that every other activity pales in comparison to smoking. I'm building the skills to not smoke, and strengthening my "Do something else, just don't smoke." muscles. But I haven't yet turned a corner where I can experience actual gratification or enjoyment from those alternative activities. Am wondering if this is typical? It's like my dopamine receptors have been warped or scorched into wanting just one thing: a big horrible blast of nicotine. I'm trying to throw other stuff at them (sunshine, favorite foods, games, tactile activities, etc.). But the feel-good response receptors in my brain seem almost impervious. I've started to look into the idea of "savoring" in the hopes that might help. So far I can notice sensations other than smoking, which seems constructive. But gratification or enjoyment? Not yet. If anyone else has any experience with this, would love to hear it. Or if I'm just an oddball, that would be useful to know, too! Appreciate you all so much. DenaliBlues

I’m a newcomer pinging in to say hello. I’ve been lurking on the site for a while, but I set up a profile today so that I could participate. Thanks for the experiences and the compassionate, nonjudgmental encouragement shared here. Reading the info and comments has helped me through some white-knuckle moments. My last smoke was 17 days ago. It was not a planned quit. I was having oral surgery, and at midnight the night before I learned that smoking through the post-op was a really bad idea. (As if all the other harms of smoking for the last 40 years were somehow a really good idea?! Yeah, go figure.) Anyway, I slammed into this quit bass ackwards… unprepared mentally, emotionally or physically. I didn’t have any tools to hand, and hadn’t thought through how to be intentional to set myself up to succeed. Just boom. But I’m trying hard to make it work. There’s more than just a dental emergency at play. I want this quit and the suffering it entails to count for something. I’ve been ambivalent about smoking for some time, have been living in denial about the consequences, and have let smoking control my life for too long. Cold turkey was not an option for me, personally. (Did that before, didn’t stick.) So I’m using the patch on a step-down system. I’m constantly fiddling with silly putty. Trying to stay busy. Doing a lot of wall pushups. Attempting to stay positive. Getting a grip on my triggers. Making lists of alternative things to do in those moments. Re-reading the science. Doing more wall push-ups. I’m struggling with feelings of despair and intense physical discomfort as my body adjusts to a lot less nicotine. But this week, on average, was a bit easier than the last. So maybe that’s progress? I think addiction likes to hide in the dark. It feeds on shame and distortions, and whispers false justifications to us. So I guess part of why I am joining this QT community is to fend off those shadows by reaching out for reinforcement, to try to fill my brain with something different. I need to banish that voice from the dark that says nicotine is my best friend (it’s not) and says that I can’t exist without my smokes (I can, and I have 17 days of evidence to prove it). Today I am grateful for having your voices in my head, instead. You are helping me to rewire. Thanks for listening and bearing witness in return. DenaliBlues