MLMR

Hi Michelle, I was going to say the same as @beazel: read your SOS answer to yourself. Maybe put it on your fridge and read it right away when you need it? Post an SOS whenever you need it. You are the one making or breaking your quit, but reaching out is so important (at least it was for me).

I. Am. Just. Soooo. Done. With. The. Thoughts. And. Memories. And. Everything. Related. To. Smoking. Why, in the name of everything thats devine, does it take this long? And WHY is this last quarter of my first year so terribly challenging?

7083. *Uche uche*

● dreaming vividly about it means nothing. Its still NOPE. ● I may be annoyed about still having smokey thoughts at this point, yet NOPE is as true as before. ● I am prepared to repeat NOPE a million times, if that saves me from future physical smoke-related harm. ● NOPE causes me better sleep, better breathing, calmth. The annoyance about cigarettes was caused by smoking in the first place, years ago. Now, take responsability for that. ● NOPE!!!

Congrats 1/4 done and dusted!

Linda, congrats! Just a few weeks to go..

I can see why it would be helpful for people, but I acutally feel quite comfortable in this corner, to be honest. I think I'll hang out here just a little bit longer.

It seems like the worst is over, finally. What a strange an unexpected phase. Once again, I feel stronger in my quit now that I 'got out'. Sometimes I miss the big revelations I would have in the beginning, they gave me such power and confidence. It takes some effort to rely on what I learned back then and to stop disappointment from growing too strong sometimes. But its comforting to look at everything I gained, not to convince myself of quitting, but simply to realise where I am compared to 10,5 months ago... I eat differently, pay more attention to what and when I eat, I do chores in the house during the week instead of pushing myself raging through the house in the weekend and therefor my home feels much more like my own safe place, I sit when Im tired and when I cant, I just slow down a bit, I handle anxiety with compassion. Thát is probably the biggest gain... I am able to be with overwhelming emotions without beating myself up about it. That is huge and I should be celebrating it and embrace it with all the love I have in me, because how often did I not tell myself that Im not good enough? Repeatedly, year in year out? Ive probably set something in motion that will bring together all the stuff I learned in different therapies and treatments. Uhm. That is something to be darn grateful about.

Wait... what? I am confused. P.s. stop calling it 'the Haze' or 'The relapse' or 'my disease'. You are completely complicating things that way. Start reading and educating yourself if you are serious about this, plenty of great material on the board.

Thought I'd miss my answer to everything: boredom, fear, social akwardness, lonelyness etc. etc. All things existential. Turned out to be a big fat lie, BUT: One I have to remind myself over and over about. At times its frustrating, but still a million times better than be back at nasty, pride consuming smoking.

Keep on smoking every other 3, 4 months and you will not get it, because you keep exercize junkie thinking. If you want to understand, then quit and educate yourself. Knowledge will follow.

^^Exactly this. ^^ I think you captured right about everything that comes with quitting. It isn't 'just doing it', but and at the same time... it is. There's a million wise things to say about quitting that can be helpfull and at the same time... it's all about one thing: NOT lighting up. This duality freaked me out in the beginning an it still can, honestly. But... well whatever

Hi Linda, oops, I cant even call myself late here... almost july the first already! But.... huge congrats to you, lady. We are both coming along pretty darn well 😎

I just re-read my first post here: 'Hi there, this is me introducing myself. First time here, but not new to this whole quitting thing. Have been smoking on and off since I was 15 (in my mid-thirties right now). My most serious quit lasted for three whole years. I am sweating carrots (yes, in Holland we do that when we are afraid) by the thought alone, to start this journey all over again. I am not so sure how to handle it this time. I feel like I know everything there is to know and still don't feel confident enough. In the past I used to read a lot about addiction, fear, etc. I bought different kinds of cleansing tea, drank water until I became a water balloon, tried to meditate and then always ended up failing miserably. I have a history of depression and anxiety. I also have the experience of becoming calmer and much more relaxed at non-smoking life, but only gradually after the first year. I know it will take time. I know I want to take that time. And still I am terrified. My quit date is next friday, 24-08-2018. I shall look around a bit, hopefully it will motivate me. I do not need willpower or pride, but faith. That much I know..' So, not really a plan, 'just' a strong desire. I think thats mainly what got me through so far. For me, every phase is so different and I have no golden rule exept not lighting the damn thing.

Nope

Part of me felt shame for writing down the way I felt, but I am actually very glad I did. Thanks so much for you all popping in here, your answers, be it about holding on or offering the matter-of-fact-approach. I dont have the words at this moment, but it means a lot to me. Its a relief to be able again to see it as the neural proces it is. Im trying to figure out my HALT, and there's a few things to pay attention to. They have NOTHING to do with smoking, and they need an approach of their own. THANKS!

I will write a letter to myself again. I did that at some point where I had a real tough time, stuck the letter to my fridge back then. I think its time for a new one, fitting this phase. I need to ditch that sorry-feeling, it doesnt suit me well, i cant use it. I am in my 11th month ffs. No way that I will lose this quit. And I also want to carry this part with dignity, as sucky as it is.

But, month 7, 8 and 9 were a big home coming party! I felt so good, had cravings once in a while but, away with them! And i felt pride and so many good effects of quitting.... aghhhh

Thanks @Linda Thomas. I realised today that I actually felt sorry for myself, for quitting and watching some (formerly quit!!!) collegues smoke... bleghh, the exact feeling ive been trying to kick in the butt for the past 10 months, with succes. And now suddenly I cant find the words, the ways to beat that emotion. Im romancing smoking and I know it, ohhhh my god 😳 I have one big word in my mind and thats NOPE. No. Matter. What. I really, really try not to fall for 'Its been 10 months already, why now and why with such intensity?'. Theres no proper answer to that anyway...

Im in my car right now, about to go to work. The thoughts of smoking are so present, for days now. I keep telling myself to be proud of where I am but it just dont click. Its absurd how vivid the thoughts are. Got to push through now, it would be insanely sad to loose my quit. But why does it seem so... attractive?! Cant even remember to have felt this 'need' before... so far ive always been able to downgrade it too chemical processes, and this time i cant get passed, 'I dont care anymore, ive proven myself, just be done with doing your best, it would feel sooo good.... I am ashamed and yet this is it for now. I really do hope to pull myself out of this self-loathing misery and be proud again soon.

Yes yes yes, yeahhhhh yahoo!!!! Ten months in the pocket What did I lose? 1. a great deal of anxiety. And when its there, I handle it better. 2. a lot less dissociation. Both 1. and 2. are major to me. 3. 6 out of 8 coffee's a day 4. a certain nervousness, agitation that used to push me through the day. What did I gain? 1. confidence 2. a better sense of being IN my body, IN the moment. 3. obviously better health 4. a strong NOPEmuscle. When every other option fails (working through thoughts, reading stuff about addiction, watching vids, punching pillow, endless walks on the beach etc) Nope ALWAYS does the trick. I actually thought, maybe I should apply it in daily life's situations way more often. Just, nope. And no explanation needed. 5. And so much more... I still learn how to set better boundaries. I am still tired a lot, I am not sure if thats because I used to ignore that and now I can't anymore, or that it is something new. I find that each phase in this proces has its own theme's and challenges.. but all through that, there's the experience of getting better at quitting and growing and becoming healthier, keep focussing on that bigger picture. Its been navigating between, what needs attention NOW and, trusting in where I am headed. Thanks all for your support and wonderful contributions on here. Its amazing how many of you are dedicated to helping others by providing much needed information and cheering!

A bit late, but... congrats! I read your SOS, and just so you know...my 10th was worse than my 9th... this addiction works in crazy ways😂 But, you are rockin' it nonetheless, and I am very sure there will be a time where every possible trigger will be conquered and smoking will be nothing more but a vague memory. Upwards and onwards!

Oh Tammy, wow! Congratulations on your achievement, 12 months, one whole year!!! I know youve had your challenges along the way and I admire you so much for going on. Youve been an inspiration to me more than once, you know that? You carried on with grace, no matter what.. I very much hope you celebrated in style, cose you earned it! Look, you had them all:

So....which way did you go @...... ?

@Linda Thomas sorry to hear about your sucky week too. Yeah, its pretty weird how our brains work, right? And about work, you couldnt be more right. Its strange, in some ways I am so much stronger since quitting but at the same time, i feel like I have to set my boundaries earlier than I used to. Or, maybe Ive been consistantly crossing them in the smokey past and this is where they actually are...? Anywayz, today is a day where I keep reminding myself about the guaranteed positive outcome of quitting. My mom is doing ok. Tumor removed, all clear. Thank goodness for that!