Mee

The days just aren't passing fast enough and the problems that I drown with my smoking seem to be so much more exacerbated! My mind is trying to tell me that I coped because I smoked but I know that isn't accurate. I keep thinking of that first cigarette in my life and how many long years I smoked. Then I think that it is too late for me - I smoked way too long. Then again, that is what brought me here hoping that this is my last stop chance to quit. Right now I am feeling depressed because I'm not smoking but I felt depressed when I was smoking. I keep reading the posts to see when that craving will go away and it does seem to be a long journey. Then I begin to think the journey is too long for me. I know I am rambling but I know it is better than smoking. ?

Nope

I'm definitely hanging here. Even my husband hasn't called me sweetheart in a while. I am definitely hanging here. My husband hasn't called me sweetheart in a while?

Boy that explains exactly how I feel. My dad keeps falling and he can't get up. Mom calls the rescue squad and they pick him up but he refuses to go to the hospital. He has ripped the skin open on both arms and is in a mess. Of course he wanted me to take care of them but I refused and took him to the doctor. I actually handle my dad much better when I am crabby. It is a good thing that I took him because he had to see a specialist, who was able to arrange for a visiting nurse to come to the house to dress the wounds. Thanks for being there.

Are you asking me? Hanging in but so ready to give in to the crave. I'm so crabby, my husband is hiding. Thought I would feel better by now. The days aren't going fast enough. I haven't been able to be on the site because I have been busy with Dr. appts. with my Dad. Takes a lot of my time but you can't smoke at the Drs. so it is a good thing right now.

I am fascinated. How did you do that? So cute!

I'm only in the beginning and the days are just taking forever to pass. Is there a day that I will not even think of that smoke? I am so impressed with your strength. Keep on going!

One brother lives in California (we are in Ohio). He is very well to do and spends most of his time travelling with his family (for pleasure). He does not have the time or interest in helping. My other bother lives right here in the same community but does not have to lift a finger. He has always been the golden child, who could do no wrong. My parents have always been there to help him out of his binds. He is very disrespectful to me and my family and my parents have allowed him to get away with this for years. In my younger years, I was told to stay home from holidays and events because my brother did not want to be a part of our family. My mother feeds on drama and loves to pit her children against one another. Of course I am the "golden retriever" personality that has always tried to be peaceful and loving but I carry the hurt on the inside. We really all were affected by our childhood. We were physically abused by our father and when he could no longer do that it turned into verbal and emotional abuse. My mother was never a mother. She was a compulsive cleaner. She would lock us in the basement or outside so that she could clean all day. They still live in their big 5 bedroom colonial and cannot part with all their worldly possessions. Neither of them can walk well and I handle all their shopping, medications, drs. appts. and meals. My dad falls on a daily basis and fortunately our ambulance service will come and pick him up. He refuses to go to the hospital. I spent the day there yesterday because he fell and cut his arms all up. If I try to guide them into an assisted living community, my father calls me stupid. I am blessed with a wonderful husband and son, who do help. Wow, it kind of felt good to get some of that out. I could really go on forever. For a long time I thought I did a good job of not allowing the dysfunction to affect my life and family. I surrounded myself with wonderful people. I did however use smoking as a coping device. Now that I am in the thick of this, all those unresolved feelings are really raw. I think if I make it through this quit, it will be a miracle!

Gee, I never considered myself strong. I always thought I was weak because I can't walk away and not care. I guess this is a good time to quit because it has brought me together with understanding, uplifting people that are there to support me. I kind of always felt alone not realizing others have been through the same, maybe worse, situation.

Wish we could just go to lunch together and commiserate. Scotland is a little bit of a distance. Isn't it amazing that, through technology, we can still be there for one another. Hang in there. I am with you buddy. We can do this together!

A very shaky NOPE

I am an only daughter with three brothers. I come from a very dysfunctional family and have many hurts from my days growing in this family. My parents always praised their boys but often put me down. Now I am the only sole caretaker of these two very difficult parents. Not a day goes by that I am not there taking care of them. Oh can they push my buttons. I know in my heart that I am there because I finally want that love that I craved and so deserved but will never get. They are my biggest trigger to want to smoke. I leave there feeling so helpless. At least I survived another weekend. I have shed the tears, come home feeling worthless but managed to avoid smoking.

Yes those are my babies and they all are babies! We always had two golden retrievers and lost one a year ago. So we decided to try the mini golden doodle (which isn't so mini). Then we lost another golden. I always wanted a white golden and finally indulged. It turned out she has a double heart defect and is not expected to live long. The breeder said he would return our money but wanted the dog back. We were afraid he would put her down and refused. He then offered us another dog. My husband was so thrilled but I was thinking it would be difficult with three new puppies. They are eight months now and that has been a journey. I am proud to say that I finally have them walking beside me. When I want a smoke, we take a walk So, yes I would say they are thrilled mommy is quitting smoking.

I did it.

I am right there with you! Hope we can be partners in success.!

I am breathing deeply, trying to stay busy and boy am I crabby. I bit my husband's head off numerous times last night. I couldn't get my ticker to work and couldn't get my profile picture to work. My head is saying nope but my body is wanting a smoke. Wish I could just be put in a coma for a week.

I am new at this and have only made it a day and one half. Right now I am thinking it will take a tremendous amount of courage to get to the point you have. Hang tough and know that I will pray for your strength and the wisdom of the doctors who can help you!