MichelleDoesntSmokeAnymore

Thanks guys. I've been doing everything you've suggested: cold water, deep breathing, distraction, and I'm currently reading through educational material on the site. Part of me wonders if its going to hurt to dwell on it by staying on the board or if I should immerse myself in something else. But since my craving has settled down since reading things under the "big tobacco" ad I guess I have my answer Thank you all for being here

Excellent suggestion. Thank you. And I'm the special one too...lets go build our own special people island where smokings not allowed lol

Its getting old. I start off doiing well, totally committed then sooner or later my internal two year old throws a temper tantrum, demanding I feed the addiction and I ignore all the things I know about addiction, nicotine and all the reasons I want to quit....and I smoke, then I feel bad about myself, then I get the "eff its" and buy a pack. I have literally no money to spare at the moment, no way to get to the store today, and a patch on so unless I figure out some kind of bull$&# witchcraft magic there is no way I'm getting any cigs. So I'm pretty safe. My addiction is fighting my reason though because I go back and forth between angry about this and happy about it. I want to quit but at the same time I don't. But I have to. Soon the joy of the quit will come, I know it will. During my last significant quit I remember realizing how much better I could smell...smelling flowers from a distance that I could never smell them before, and I kept telling my partner at the time "I am soooo grateful I quit!" "I'm so happy I quit" "why didnt I do this years ago?" All it took was some extreme anger, poor coping skills and one bad decision and I was back on nicotine. That was about 5-6 years ago. Time to stop the madness before I get sick...thats my biggest fear is how much damage have I done to my body, how many years did I shave off my life, am I now doomed to only live another ten years instead of thirty, and will I get a smoking related disease? Yet the fear has yet to be inspirational to quit, its been something to hide from and not think about. That is illogical. Time to face it and be done with nicotine. I am wearing a patch, when I really don't want to, because I've had literally zero chance without one so far. I am trying very hard to be patient with myself. Yours in Madness, Fear and Frustration, Michelle

Welcome back Hellkatbaby. I'm in the same spot you are,. I'm only maybe 12 hours behind you. I can totally relate to your posts. Lets do this together, and get back to the point where we are grateful to be quit and free, feeling healthy and breathing easier!

I put a patch on as soon as I woke up two hours ago and am still craving. But its better than with no patch. I don't have any cigs nor the means to get any so I'm pretty safe but its mental torture. I'm reading and watching videos to combat the cravings. God help me.

I'm saying NOPE just for each 30 min. Thats how I need to roll today...

I confided in jillar that I relapsed and she encouraged me to post. I am so embarrassed I was going to slink away and find another support board to use but I really really like you guys and want to stay here... Everything you guys told me came true. "one" lead to "another" and soon I was buying a pack. I should have known. Its the same with other substances. You lose sight of the fact that every other time you've been unable to control it and stop again, even though its happened umpteen times. And it happens yet again. Then you snap out of it, come to your senses and realize that you've given in to the insanity yet AGAIN and start over. In the end, I am the only one who can use my tools, read my pre-SOS post or reach out for help and sometimes I block everything out because all I can think of is how good that cigarette will be. But its not! Its going to kill me!! I know you all know this pattern but I needed to type it out. I'm starting to lose hope for myself even though I know I WANT to quit. I saw my doctor today and though I got good news that I'm not pre-diabbetic anymore due to my positive lifestyle changes YAY, my cholestorol is up and I know smoking has a direct impact on cholestorol. I came home, did an upper body workout (can't do lower body because of my knees). I will spend the rest of the day on the board. Please don't be too tough on me. I'm so embarrassed.

I absolutely adore vaping. If it wasn't life threatening I would still be vaping. But it is. And people are lead to believe its safer than smoking. And kids love it. All of which means that though I love everything about it, its evil and I wish it had never been invented.... for everyone's sake, not just mine

I agree with you Sazerac about not putting any nicotine in my body but I haven't managed to quit despite multiple tries so I thought it better to wean off nicotine than keep smoking. I have moments of doubt if I'm doing the right thing. Will consider more tomorrow. The for the reply!

I am so very sorry. Its terrifying that she was quit years before she was diagnosed....

Thank you so much everyone. The support I get here is truly amazing. I did okay! We even went out for frozen yogurt after the meeting.... Which was great considering its 9:30pm and still in the 80s. Oy....summer in Sacramento....

Thank you Johnny5

Thank you all. I'm still having monster cravings even with my patch on so I'm seriously considering taking it off. At least its just nicotine, not all the nasty chemicals that are in cigarettes but I keep thinking that as long as I'm wearing it, it means nothing to read the inspirational "how your body heals timeline". IDK. I feel like I need to be in a better place mentally before I make that decision so I'll think about it tomorrow.

Thank you guys. Nothing I've tried has helped so far but I'll try the things you mentioned. It will pass. It will. I know it will cuz I've quit before. Its crazy that this is so hard. Addiction is horrific. Wow...Jillar has three years and LInda has almost a year...amazing. You ladies are an inspiration! As far as the meeting I'm taking a friend who quit four years ago, as family is unavailable so hopefully that will help.

Despite the patch I'm wearing, the cravings just keep coming and coming today. I should just take it off and go cold turkey, its so bad. I almost didnt post this because I thought no one can tell me something that I don't already know, as far as why I shouldn't try to have "just one". I made it through my noon recovery meeting without bumming one from someone and was so proud of myself....I'm going to another one this evening and I started thinking maybe I can bum "just one". I can't afford to buy any, not even one pack because I'm living with my nonsmoking family and have no income until I can get back to work after my surgery so I couldn't buy a pack anyway. I have literally NO money. But I keep thinking just one just one just one. Why put myself through that? I'm past 24 hours which is the farthest I've gotten into a quit in a while now. I don't want to lose that. I'm craving the other substance I used while in active addiction, I'm craving smoking and vaping...the only thing I'm not craving is alcohol. I want to smoke but I don't want to smoke. It will pass I know and I'll be glad I made it through but right now its just soooo bad.

Thank u all....very helpful

"Quitting smoking is not hard. In fact, the whole process is quite enjoyable if we only focus on the benefits of being a non-smoker. There is no need to focus on anything else because we’re not giving anything up. We’re not missing out. The cravings come and go and soon will be gone forever." I agree with everything in this statement, with the exception of "Quitting smoking is not hard". I find it extremely hard. If it was not hard, more people would have successful quits. The trick is to remember the rest of this quote. Whats your take?

Thats actually a big help...I used a medium sized straw for a while last time. Who cares if it looks silly...and it probably doesn't because I think most people know its a substitute for a cig. I'm a sneaky person...if I decide I want to smoke I will actually insist on going somewhere alone...sometimes when I make the decision to smoke, the barriers I put down for myself go out the window. Its like...I can put all these barriers up but I have the power to take them down if I want to smoke. Thats why its so critical to remember why I want to smoke and honor that commitment to myself. Must remember that.

Vaping is so popular that I expect a mass exodus from San Francisco once this goes into effect lol

I know this is an old thread but I'm replying anyway I vaped for three years before this latest quit and loved it. The scary thing is though that its a recent enough "invention" that there hasn't been enough research on its effects. My personal opinion is that even if you vape 0 nicotine juice, you are still inhaling the vapor from the juice, which can't be good. And we don't know the long term effects of vaping. I have heard that popcorn lung is a consequence. My grandfather had that and it sounded terrible. I had the popcorn sound now and then when I was smoking. With vaping you lose the smokers cough and the rattling and wheezing and I think thats why some people think its safer than smoking. I'm so glad I am quitting.

I wouldn't kneel down and suck on a car's tailpipe. I hold my breath when I walk through a cloud of exhaust. Probably safer than smoking or vaping.

It was horrific lol. But it passed. I'm still wearing a patch. I can sleep with them on as long as I put them on in the early afternoon instead of evening. It does help during the day though. Its just that mornings are my strongest craving. But I've been up for an hour and haven't seriously thought of smoking. Yay. I'm going to one of my recovery meetings at noon where many people smoke and its sort of "normalized" but I'll be with a nonsmoking family member so I won't be tempted to bum one. I'll do my best to remember why I'm quitting, look at smoking as something horrible and destructive that endangers my life instead of romancing it. Thats what it will take when I'm at a meeting. Its NOT okay, its NOT "normal", its NOT something that I do because everyone else is doing it, I will NOT push down the fear and knowledge that I'm endangering my life. I will remember why I'm doing this, and so will ya'll!

Confession: I was a closet smoker most of my life. That fact causes a lot of guilt but now that I'm quitting I can let it go.

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I'M STILL HERE YOU GUYS!! NOPE NOPE NOPE. I'm glad you are all here too. Have a Nope-y day!