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MichelleDoesntSmokeAnymore

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Everything posted by MichelleDoesntSmokeAnymore

  1. One day at a time...sometimes one hour or one minute at a time....NOPE!!
  2. I don't reach out with an SOS, no....I need to catch myself between entertaining the thought and actually making the decision to smoke. Because once I make the decision to smoke I don't WANT to be helped or talked out of it. If I can stop myself as soon as I entertain the thought and post an SOS before the decision is actually made, I will have a fighting chance. Reciprocity, yes you're right, this is no way to live. To know that logically but still be stuck is hell on earth. I have not smoked since yesterday afternoon. So there's that.
  3. I am mostly stuck in the house due to a knee injury. Whenever I do have to go into town for a doctors appointment, meeting, errand etc my junkie thinking sets in saying "you can have just one or two...bum them...get a short respite from your quit, don't tell anyone, just a little secret etc" or even worse "just buy 'one last pack' and enjoy smoking for the day while out and about with no accountability then start your quit over" which always leads to two days of smoking, not one, because I just don't smoke through a whole pack in one day. I live with my nonsmoking sister and brother in law who I'm sure I disappoint though they don't say anything. If they did, it wouldn't help, because no one can solidify my quit but me. So after the pack is gone the jonesing is even worse and I'm back at square one. This is maddening. I know I can quit. I have gotten off other addictive substances and am soooo happy I did, so proud, so grateful and never ever want to go back. I need to get that gratitude about my quit The further away I get from my last cigarette, the easier it will get and the more grateful I will become but I have to get far away from it first!!!! I've heard former heroin and crack users who are now in recovery say that quitting smoking was harder than quitting those substances. I don't take that as an excuse to continue smoking, rather it helps me understand what I'm up against. Now, for the good stuff...no more Michelle Bashing, for that will not help: If I can say anything positive about my attempts to quit, even though I've relapsed a lot, its that I AM NOT GIVING UP. I am pretty freaking hard core because I keep trying. I've tried many many times over my smoking "career" and have had relapses last YEARS instead of a day or two at a time. I am intelligent and aware how my addiction speaks to me in my own voice and continues to tell me its ok to have 'just one' or that its okay to just have 'one more pack and then quit again' even though I KNOW what I'm doing. So since I know that, I need to remember it in times of extreme cravings and when considering taking a "break" from my quit I'm accountable because I accept responsibility for my relapses instead of blaming people places or things for my actions. I do have good tools. I need to get better at using them and at learning more tools. But at least I have them and am not rationalizing continuing to smoke for the rest of my life. I will work harder and remembering how grateful I was when I quit last time. I WILL NOT GIVE UP
  4. As a smoker for 38 years I appreciate this thread because I struggle and struggle and relapse and relapse, then find myself wondering why others are able to stay quit and why I give in to the junkie thinking and make the choice to smoke again ("just one last pack because ABC") over and over and over again, fully aware of what I'm doing but "feeling" powerless to stop (note I am aware I'm "feeling" powerless, not truly powerless in reality) Please don't read into this post as giving myself an excuse to relapse. Thats not what I mean. I mean, I am trying not to kick myself in the head everytime I relapse, but to stay aware of the fact that when you smoke for as long as some of us have smoked, its going to be hard, its going to be tough and instead of hating on ourselves and criticizing ourselves (that will lead to giving up trying) its better to acknowledge that its going to continue to be hard and that its time to try something different...take suggestions...try new things to avoid giving in. I need to shake up this quit. I'm tired of coming in here with a new quit over and over again. Its embarrassing and humbling for sure.
  5. Good morning Family.... NOOOOOOOOOOOPE!!!
  6. I've eaten my body weight in pretzel sticks today. Whatever it takes, right?
  7. Thanks all. I'm trying to go without a patch today. I just want to get the nicotine out of my system. I may have three days but the nicotine is still in my system.....Today has been one long craving for hours at a time and its making me crazy
  8. I do. I Liisten to music every day. I'll try to identify a song that has "Quit Smoking" energy in it. Great suggestion, thanks!
  9. ....put something in my mouth and set it on fire....
  10. I still struggle with finding rewards. I'm very sedentary due to a serious knee injury/impending surgery. I've given up sweets, my usual reward, because losing weight is an emergency for me due to my knee problems. Its hard for me to get into and out of the bathtub but I'll try tonight because I love baths and I have some delicious smelling bubble bath. I do have two books going and I could do some stepwork (12 step program) but that doesn't really feel like a reward lol. I asked for suggestions for a sedentary non smoker but I can't find the thread so if you don't mind, throw out anything you can think of. What did you reward yourself with?
  11. Despite wearing a patch I woke up craving, which is weird because when I woke up to answer nature's call at 2am, it wasn't until I got back into bed that I realized that I hadn't even thought about smoking. Today I will venture out of the house for the first time since I put down the cigs on Sunday evening. There will be people I could bum one from. I don't want to give up my progress. I don't want to experience that shortness of breath, smell bad and be disappointed in myself. I'm seeing my doc today and I want to be able to tell her honestly that I've quit...today will be a first; the first time out of the house alone, with no accountability, without smoking. I can do this. I am a nonsmoker.
  12. Ahhh thanks for pointing that out. 7/20 at 8:45pm is the right date and time. Ticker is right. I'll update my profile
  13. N Nice Person A: "I won $20 on a scratcher today!" Person B: "Nice!!!" Not very exciting but I use it
  14. I keep getting the feeling that "Something's missing" or that I want something. Not necessarily a smoke or a vape but.....something. But theres nothing to get or have. I could go back on the sweets but I really don't want to and besides there aren't any sweets in the house. My sister and brother in law don't have sweets in the house. Yargh. I've got my ice water, gum, toothpaste and mouthwash. Motivation: My dear Michelle You have abused and neglected your body for your entire life thus far. Its time to take care of yourself. Every time you resist reaching for that smoke, vape or unhealthy food, you are doing right by yourself and you should be grateful and proud. Smoking and/or vaping and/or eating junk food will only make you feel worse and set back your healthy lifestyle committment more. Remember how you get such a carb crash after eating sweets, how it makes you feel bad about yourself etc. Remember how you want to research things that will help your skin look more youthful, like Loris. Even if you can't erase the smoker's lines, you can halt them. Think about that friend of yours who's face looks like a roadmap. That is your future if you return to smoking. Don't be a fat old lady in a wheelchair on oxygen, still smoking and overeating. NOW IS THE TIME while you still have a chance. So if you don't think of your health, think of your appearence and the quality of life you are setting yourself up for. I love you, Michelle
  15. Good idea @Sazerac IDK what to reward myself with though. My favorite reward is something sweet but I'm on a no sugar diet because losing weight is an emergency for me due to my knee injury and impending surgery. What suggestions do you guys have for a reward? I can't just go take a walk, and I don't want to get in the shower multiple times a day. Any suggestions appreciated
  16. @Sazerac I like that saying. Comes down to "I have a choice". Its just uncomfortable.
  17. Thanks. I'm going to study my programming. Good distraction, and very productive. I'm laid up with a knee injury but am trying to stay productive. Thank you for the reply.
  18. I'm not *about* to smoke. I don't have any and no means or transportation to get any (I am staying with my sister after moving to Cali from Seattle, had to leave my car in WA and there are no busses that come here). But it was suggested I post here when I have a craving and I'm having a monster one. First one since yesterday evening. Just putting it out there. NOPE for me. NOPE NOPE NOPE
  19. They are way more laid back in Seattle. Peace, love, godspeed brother, lets walk our dogs and recycle. Not in all areas of course but Fremont, Greenlake and Ballard for sure. As for California it depends on the area. For God's sake stay away from LA if you want laid back. That being said, the only other place I've lived besides CA is the Seattle area (see above) so I have no idea what its like to live in any other states. Oh Oh Oh Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada...the epitome of laid back. I spent a week there and was shocked at how kind and laid back everyone was (at least those I interacted with)
  20. Awww now look, I've gone and messed it up

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