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About stzr500

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    skiing football baseball..hockey.
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  1. thank you everyone for the support. Yes it's true if i was going to light up it probably would've been friday night or saturday morning. I did go the whole night with no sleep on friday. I did see the doc and minister today. Both went well. My minister nailed right on when she said probably the thing that bothers me the most without realizing it was...There was nothing I could do. I wanted to move him out of the way but there was nothing I could do. Helpless and not in control which is completely against human nature. I will not light up I just wont do it. Thank you all again for your support in means a lot !!
  2. It's been 2 years Feb. 24th since I put the lung killers away. Anyway I will put it bluntly. I am an engineer for the railroad. Last Friday at night I struck and killed someone walking in the middle of the gauge at night. I will not give any details other than by no means was it the conductors or my fault. Did all we were suppose to do and he didn't move. The fact remains its a bit traumatizing knowing that you inadvertently took a human life. That is the pill I am having the most trouble swallowing. They are still investigating for drugs possible suicide or any other reason for him being there. All I know is my anxiety and cravings are threw the roof. Counselor can't see me until next week and I finally am back to work tomorrow. Just needed time off not disciplinary. Right now I guess I just need to vent and say a few things also. STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM RAILROAD TRACKS if walking. What also bothers me is the fact that if it was a suicide or even an accident they moved on but they also affected someone else life which isn't fair !! I don't know I have no answers only questions and how to manage this new type of stress.
  3. Sorry I haven't replied to this topic or thank everyone for the help and encouragement I received when I started my quit. LMAO ...you should ask how I spent my 2 year quit. Well I didn't do anything different other than near the end of the day I looked at my wife and said..Hey it's been 2 years that I haven't smoked today. She looked at me and said ..i wondered if you were going to say anything or not, I didn't want to bring the subject up. That my friends is how much I think of it anymore. I have no desire to reflect or think about just how next to impossible it seemed to do. Don't get me wrong it's not all peaches and cream..that dam nicodemon peers it's ugly face now and again but nothing like that bastard use to be !! Thank you all once again and God bless all you who have quit and are trying. YOU CAN AND WILL DO IT. That's what I lived by.
  4. Hang in there Opah. It sucks but give it time it gets better. There is no sugar coating or magic wand or anything other than sheer free will and power. It's an out right SOB and will do everything in your brain to keep you coming back. Plain and simple that is what addiction is. Sometimes finding comfort is next to impossible, understandable. Just grab the handle bars a little tighter and hang on!!
  5. For me my triggers were stress and boredom. I have learned though over the past year I can deal with stress and I can find something to do when bored. Not everyday is easy but much easier than in the beginning. It short it's so true it does get easier, it may seem like it never will but it does, just hang on the ride will slow down.
  6. Rasdaan, Quite some interesting posts here but Jenny nailed it. I was at the same place she was on her quit in the early phases. Cried a lot to the point where it dropped me to my knees. Anxiety was high also. I am now a year into this and had a good summer but winter came and things kinda went to crap again only not as severe. I know people who have used wellbutrin and chantix that have had severe reactions to while quitting smoking. Myself I didn't use anything ..cold turkey for me which I still shake my head over because I can't believe I did it. I also used smoking as an aid. I posted a topic a bit ago about my quit....called ..My story hope it helps. Check it out kinda goes into detail on my first year and on going battles but I am learning and still learning new coping skills. I think thats also the beaty of life is discovering yourself all over again after you hid in the small dark room for so many years. You can do this.
  7. Trust me your not feeling anything different from most of us. I also have the same thing it hit me about a month before my first year a lasted quite sometime. I will not not give a time from because everyone is different, just accept it and keep moving forward it will get better as mine have. It's all part of the addiction and time for your nervous system and brain to heal.
  8. Awsome job !!! Take one day at a time and it does keep getting better with fewer and fewer rough days.
  9. let me let a little more insight on the potato chip addiction. If you read the article which i gave the link to it's not just about potato chips..it's using them as a reference to fatty and processed foods which America is the world leader in consumption.
  10. The 7 hardest addictions to quit...2017 psychology today 7 Cocaine 6 Alcohol 5 Valium 4 Heroin 3 Cigarettes 2 Potato Chips 1 LOVE 1 and 2 are not so bad. The rest..hmmmm. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-in-society/200812/the-7-hardest-addictions-quit-love-is-the-worst
  11. Great post and very interesting....another post coming at a time when needed. No Man's Land....I can say for sure been there or still there or Post Acute Withdraw..which ever freakin one you want to call it. Hit me a month or so ago. Depression anxiety ..all that crap but not as bad as the first time around when I first quit. I don't know how the brain works or when it just says hey guess what I am going to freak out for a while get you back on the right path then leave you alone so you can get shit straight again. I know one thing for sure I am much better and does it really ever go away. I really don't think so it's just another thing in life you learn to deal with over time and before you know it your not thinking junkie thinking. All I know for sure is that one day I think you just have had enough and it's time to move on and your brain says okay your right now lets get on with it. I don't know what happened to me but rest assure I will never forget it or get over confident again. I really do think it's the brain playing tricks doing a last ditch effort to get you to light up again. I read articles where ppl have this the rest of their lives. Well if thats the case then so be it. Just flare ups once and a while for a month or so then they go away. I came to the choice of hey why not. I have many other things to deal with in life what's one more. I will admit it can be very stressful at times but I have learned to accept it as a friend coming. You can't deny it so accept it and just say.."hey your back again,how long you going stick around this time"? Out smart yourself takes a bit of practice , which I am still working on but it helps. Anyway keep the quit..YOU CAN DO IT

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