Ah-thanks again for all the words of support my QT buddies!
I am grateful that I landed here. Still not sure how that happened except that I have always loved trains. The magic of Google.
I'm not feeling particularly strong or insightful at the moment. Maybe its just mid-winter ennui or maybe this is just another layer to peel in the healing process that, at least for me, is like an onion. I fortunately have tissue boxes conveniently located throughout the dwelling to sop up the tears when they flow.
All I know TODAY is that smoking did (F-ck All) zippity-do-dah to help resolve anything although, at the time, I believed it did. I think we all did, right?
Maybe the "longing" to smoke is really a longing for simpler days? And yet I am not sure things are any more complicated now than they ever were-I just have more years on me to ruminate and fuss. I think I am turning into one of those people that I used to make fun of, i.e. "Back in the day...."
Although I think we can all agree the 80's were a pretty spectacular decade, the threat of nuclear annihilation notwithstanding.
Or maybe the "longing" to smoke is to connect back with my younger self who was more hopeful and curious. I know the pandemic has done a number on all of us in really odd ways-the lack of connection with others in person, the speed at which information is flying at us. So perhaps what I am feeling is not unique to being on a quit journey or at least that is not the entire story?
The upside (and it is a HUGE upside) is that, every day, I get to come here and see my progress as well as that of everyone else on the Freedom Train. That's sure something to be happy about, something to celebrate. As I have mentioned, I am participating in 12-step groups for nicotine recovery and oh-wow-so-glad-those-early-days-are-behind-me! Those years of struggling to quit, round-and-round we would go. Then the fist days, weeks of a quit where I was in withdrawal. Yuck. So yuck.
The oddest thing is that I can feel what it would be like to pick up a cigarette and its awful. So I have to assume this current phase is a sort of in-between world? As @garry mhudsonsaid, "worst days behind you." I am going to hold on to that.
Thanks for listening-blessings to all.