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I had a lot of fun at Dundracon, and saw Deadpool while we were there. A few cravings. I find if someone leaves half a cigarette out that's one of my triggers. I think because mom and I never smoked a whole cig, so we were used to smoking from halves (or thirds, etc). But my teacher says that the more I'm exposed to my triggers and say no to them, the more they'll go away until they're gone. I think that's my last major trigger, because when I see mom left a half in the backyard (not something she does often) I get a major craving. Anywhoo, I'm two weeks down now. We had a celebration of graduating from the smoking cessation class last night. I baked a chiffon cake, though the frosting I chose overpowered it a little. Chiffon is very light in taste with a light lemon flavor. I was going to use Cool Whip, but I couldn't find the stuff in any of the stores we went to. The teacher brought an Italian salad with feta cheese, someone brought a vegetable platter, and someone brought a crackers, cheese, and meat platter. I ate the salami and avoided the pepperoni. I don't know why. Then we were given certificates that we completed the class. Now I don't know what to do Tuesday nights. I looked forward to the class.

Wow still shocked. Beth was a spitfire that said it like it was and I respected her for that. She also didn't have the easiest of times in life. She is finally at peace with her sister and that is what's important.

OMG....I completely missed this while I was gone. I am in shock! Beth was a great person and a wonderful asset to this forum! She had her struggles recently, but always had a positive outlook. She will be greatly missed.

I had fun at the photoshoot yesterday, although it was a little cold. I was The Musician. So I had a bard-like costume and my guitar with me. Though I think I left my hair brush at the photoshoot. Oops. When I get the link to the blog for The Musician I'll share it. For my reward for making it til Tuesday, dad's planning on getting me a Fitbit. So I gotta stay strong. But I'm back to being on the hunt for cigarettes. I had a dream last night that I found them. Not that I smoked them, but that I found them. Having them hidden from me is almost as much of a frustration as having them there but not smoking. My brain is just that way. If I can't find something, like a stuffed animal or DVD, then I struggle to find it. I'm struggling not to go to step two, which is to replace it. When I finally get to the point that I'm not craving anymore, I'm going to have mom show me just where she had been hiding them. Even if it takes a year. I swear, I'm not the girl you tell you have a secret then just walk away. I need to know!

Darling, Darling, Nicotine Free Creatures ! You may remember, back in January... I stopped posting after falling backwards off my stoop, waking in hospital stitched and concussed. All has been well for a while now (I won't be needing any more head wounds, fgs) although, it did take longer to recover than expected, reading was especially tricky. "...old age is no place for sissies" (B. Davis) However, here we are together again and I am delighted... ney, jubilant, to announce a fete. Hurry ! Hurry ! It's time for a Soiree, a Fais Do Do ! Put on your glad rags and dancing shoes, the Band is about to blow us away. Somebody uncork those lovely French bottles of bubbly delish. Please, won't you join me in celebrating T W O Y E A R S of F R E E D O M ! (the crowd, whipped into a frenzy, yowl and cheer like lunatics ! ) Never, ever thought I would quit but, did so on a whim and still holding tight. It feels like a done deal but, I dare not court complacency and Remain Ever Vigilant . Addiction doesn't disappear...we have it forever and never know when it will rear it's ugly head. We only have Power over it and Choice. I cannot imagine re-introducing myself to the Slavery of Nicotine, I know too much now. For sure, understanding that 'one's too many and a hundred ain't enough' helps to keep me gloriously Free and the freedom really is Glorious, innit. In the early days, along with NOPE, I chanted, 'free your head, Free Your Head, FREE YOUR HEAD !' (often in saucier language). I still do. That was/is the biggest hurdle... switching up the patterns, re-wiring my brain. Exciting work.....Change. As the wise ones say, 'It is a Journey'. It isn't much about Nicotine anymore but, the lessons learned are invaluable and applicable to a myriad of situations in my life. I was thinking the other day about The Stockholm Syndrome (where empathy is felt by captives toward captors), reminiscent of nicotine addiction, eh ? Your cheroot was your bestest friend. Our constant companion, Nicotine. I don't miss that Bastard. That Liar, that stinking Thief ! I sure used to miss it. Missed it every damn 20 minutes of my smoking life. Why, we were inseparable for 45 years ! Nowadays, romantic notions about smoking are easily quelled by my Free-er mind but, lemme tell you, without the stash of information provided by QTrain, my denial over addiction would have stayed perfectly intact and without Each and Every One of You, sharing experience and support, I would have failed to keep my quit. Of this, I have no doubt. Y'all are often in my thoughts, I am So proud of everyone gaining their own Freedom and sincerely appreciative of all the good work here. Thank You, one and all. I Thank you So much. Love, S