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General

The Policy of Truth

I have so much blog material at the moment. But this is one I find myself going back to today. It is so hard to be honest about addiction, not just to the outside world, but to yourself. Being critical, not scared of the cold hard truth. The courage to look yourself in the eye and explore that impulse emotion when someone calls the addiction by it's name. I posted about my relapse last night. And I found the support overwhelming, and I thank all of you that had my back. I could've said noth

"But I enjoyed smoking!"

"But I enjoyed smoking!"   I hear that again and again from folks struggling to quit. (I've heard my own inner addict's voice whisper it a thousand times.) And so I ask this question:   Was smoking ever REALLY enjoyable?   One of the keys to my success this time around has been to remind myself that smoking was never really something I enjoyed. Not really. Remember that very first cigarette--the burning sensation in your throat, the acrid smell of the smoke, the cou

The history of an addict

When I was in the shower I started thinking about my history with the cigarette. And I thought it might be an interesting story to share as so many others have been through the same thing.    I was introduced to the normality of tobacco when I was 4 years old. Every male member of my family was a smoker. My granddad on my dad's side was the king; He smoked every variation there was: cigarettes, pipe, cigars and even prune (of course that last one he did not light up :P) . My mom's da

Day eh 24!!!

Wow I am almost at the 1 month quit experience! And it is.. eh yeah.. eventful to say the least. My first week was an awesome high, my second week was a mix of coughs, colds, and mixed feelings.. Then the germany trip, week 3, that has set me back.. the ads and the availability got into my head, the romancing started again.. emotions flared up  and I have been trapped inside my head. I couldn't stop crying two days ago.. I almost convinced myself this quiting thing was not something I

Made it five days

Renewed my effort to quit following more thoughtful watching of Allen Carr's video and mindfulness moments while I smoked. It is day five. Days one and two dragged, with many strong cravings. Days three through five passed by without too much trouble from cravings until late afternoon and this evening. I resorted to using a 14 mg patch -- I want to see how much of this is psychological for me and how much is physical craving. I'd say it is psychological, far and above physical.   Today

When addiction gets up close and personal

I've been sick a few days and today I feel much much better, but also home alone since Friday. And that gives me way too much time to think, ponder, over-analyse and lose myself in addiction thinking. So I hung on like a crazy woman. Reading a lot of this and watching a lot of that to keep my head clear in a very literal way. I also wrote down a lot of lies that my addiction keeps telling me in this quit. Time to address one and deal with it. "What does it matter anyway, you are not worth i

Bad day

I am stuck,  I have so many negatives thoughts and they are stopping me to post an sos, or pm someone - or just get help. So I am forcing myself to type this blog, without leaving this page or deleting the whole thing.  What happened?  Well it started with a dream I had last night. I was at an airport with my ex (the one where I experienced my last relapse with 2 years ago after a nine months quit). And he was yelling at me, screaming, I had to get him cigarettes but due to a new law I ha

Unexpected cravings

A blog post about a craving at this time*? That must be one serious craving.  And it is!   I know that I have gotten a pack in the middle of the night on more than one occasion. Get out of bed, put clothes on, get in the car and drive for 30 minutes to the nearest 24h gas station so I could smoke one and sometimes 2 before falling asleep without the thoughts of being out of cigs in the morning.   Time to take a step back and analyse this craving: What I need right n

Close encounters of the smoking kind

I couldn't postpone it any longer. I had to bring some stuff over to a friend, who smokes. I warned him ahead - do not feed my addiction and please keep the smoking paraphernalia out of sight.  Unfortunately he forgot... so he lit one right up next to me. Asking me if I wanted one. "HELL NO! I quit remember?"  He felt very embarrassed and took everything out of the room immediately while apologizing a lot.  I went on and on about this forum, and about my pledge every day and how solid

Third day - mind over matter

Third day... what to say what to say.  I am okay during the day, I have no cravings until 4 pm, I wasn't a during-the-day smoker.. I hated that first cigarette in the morning. The whole head rush was something I wasn't into.  But when the sun goes down my head goes in to a tale spin and I really have to focus on my quit and determination to be a happier and healthier person and give myself the gift of life.  I avoid my friends at the moment. I know they will give me a cig when I ask for it

Randomness

Approaching 24 hours! Mood: Mostly positive and highly energetic with little swings towards the negative side and the " &#$^$ FYA!" thoughts But I am still standing! *yeah yeah yeah* Anyway, my mind is racing as is my body (I might need to up my adhd meds.. )  I tried naptime, but that didn't agree lol  So here I am just rambling on and on and on..  I have nothing to tell, but time to kill  I am pledging my NOPE again here for today - I have told my dad today abou

Triggers

So in my preparation to make this attempt a permanent and thus successful one I found this site. I like to blog, have been doing that from the moment my parents decided to listen to my pleads to get  (sloowwww) internet. My initial quit date would be the 10th, but well, you know how stuff works... you read, you post and you get highly motivated to quit sooner rather than later.  And why not! There is nothing stopping me..  So I need to redo my preparation time table and get this stuff out

Scary Story/Stories

Courtesy of my grandma, God rest her angelic soul ❤️ - here is the # 1 reason I gave not to quit smoking. I am dead serious.  This story is all her.  /////SCARY STORY #1: Every major holiday (Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.) my grandparents would host dinner in their home; a huge feast ... I mean HUGE. And every year, and when I say every year, I mean every single year, every single holiday dinner, my grandmother (nani) - a nonsmoker of 30+ years would finish her meal, lean back in her chair,

Day 7! My Thoughts Today

Wow, it is day 7 already - time has went by fast, kinda . . .take a look at this mish mash I made up - in no particular order, just a jumbled mess!  I have some thoughts to share: First - Everyone is so super helpful here and I am more appreciative than I could ever express. I'd like to mail you all $20 bills & (((hugs))), lol - really.  Second - I am sick and tired of suckers. I am open to suggestions that don't involve candy. My mouth is literally sore and there are sores on the roof of m

Working & Quitting

Ugh! I quit while I was off work (I work M-Th, 10+ hours per day) so I haven't been at work while I quit yet. Next week we are going back to a 5x8 (M-F) schedule. I will deeply miss my Fridays off! Deeply!  Working on the assembly line is different from 'other' work. We have time to 'think' a lot, if you will. Our jobs are mindless, boring, repetitive, monotonous, you name it.  I just hope I don't think about smoking! Last time I was ok, but last time I had the patch. This time I am going

My Quit, My Dad

My dad died of lung cancer in September of 2006. I took care of him. I watched the horrors of the disease take over his mind and body.  He was diagnosed at the end of April and it took just 5 short months to take his life.  And in those 5 months, we LIVED at the doctor's office, hospital, chemo office, radiation office, emergency room - you name it, we were always there. Hardly ever at home until it came time for hospice to step in. You'd think that would have been enough for me to put th

Worked through first craving (and thereafter)

Only quit an hour ago, but moving forward as though this is my permanent quit. I weathered the first craving by making a pot of oatmeal with goji berries, flaxseed, chia seeds, and blackstrap molasses. Ate half. Craving has past.   8:54 am. Trying to figure out how to make a running list of cravings, not separate blog entries. Tried "add a message," and now "edit." Craving 3: passed by my cup of coffee remnants on the kitchen counter; immediate craving. Came back to QT t
  • Kate18

My heart is broken

Hi all. I have not been on for awhile. It is day 107  from smoking but please no congrats today. This is more about pain and heartache. To all those having trouble quitting,just think about the ones you will leave behind.I know i know you have to do it for yourself, but others will suffer just as much as you. I have     sob   had a wife.She was diagnosed with copd about 4 months ago.She tried to stop smoking and drinking her beer but could not. I tried everything because i would hear her cough a

TEAM DEADPOOL

Welp - I guess it's time to start the blog and not clog up the threads: This is my 2nd try but it doesn't seem to show up?? But anyhow!!   TEAM DEADPOOL is officially GAME ON!    Today was another good day! I'm 1/2 way through my radiation treatments with only 5 days to go (excluding weekends)! After this AM's treatment I met back with my radiation/oncology team. They have reduced my steroid intake to only 1 pill a day which means the treatments are doing their job. They plan

NOPE & NTAP ~ Never/Ever/Forever

(filing post in blog)   Some quitters may have trouble with the never/ever part in NOPE  (Not One Puff Ever) or NTAP (Never Take Another Puff)   To tell you the truth,  in the nascence of my quit, I  bluffed my way through never/ever land. I remember @Cristóbal and @El Bandito    qualifying never/ever with the caveat,  'just for today',  and that was the truth too, it is about here and now.   As days and weeks passed I absorbed the truth about addic

OK so THAT didn't go as planned

I am mostly stuck in the house due to a knee injury. Whenever I do have to go into town for a doctors appointment, meeting, errand etc my junkie thinking sets in saying "you can have just one or two...bum them...get a short respite from your quit, don't tell anyone, just a little secret etc" or even worse "just buy 'one last pack' and enjoy smoking for the day while out and about with no accountability then start your quit over" which always leads to two days of smoking, not one, because I just

Day Three Begins

Despite wearing a patch I woke up craving, which is weird because when I woke up to answer nature's call at 2am, it wasn't until I got back into bed that I realized that I hadn't even thought about smoking.    Today I will venture out of the house for the first time since I put down the cigs on Sunday evening. There will be people I could bum one from. I don't want to give up my progress. I don't want to experience that shortness of breath, smell bad and be disappointed in myself. I'm

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