I wonder, what about smoking is it that made me live life from the sideline?

Looking back at my smokey years, its like Ive been on a constant watch for smoke facilitating circumstances. It was ALWAYS in the back of my mind, I was building life around smoking instead of the other way 'round. I dont know how I did that. It seems so, so tiring!

I cant help but feel like one of those actors in a Tell Sell commercial: its amaaaaaazing!!

But... It really is, to me. Time is flying (since 5, 6 weeks) and every morning I wake up after a good night of sleep. Instead of cursing the whole world and whishing not to be talked to before Ive had coffee and at least three cigarettes, I actually do usefull sensible stuff like sleeping a bit late, or pre-read work mail, humming along and well, ladiedahdiedahh.

There's still some serious shit going on and its been a pretty hectic past 8 months. But, I decide now. Not the cigarette. No more cravings or 'empty cigarette moments', and yet, prepared with a huge backpack full of knowledge and confidence might they return for some reason.

I remember people saying, be proud! And then I tried to be, but often didnt feel like it. I promiss you, that moment will come. Quitting is a super dynamic proces, ups, downs, left, right, hey I am ok, hell no I am not, hey I think Im there and oh shoot, id kill for a smoke right now... and so on. But time goes on, seasons change and you form new habits to challenge your addiction patterns and you learn new skills and you will get used to the new you. 

 

I know I did! Its amaaazing!

Good for you MLMR!  You are so right how smoking dominates your life when you are a smoker.  I'm looking forward to being a happy non-smoker too.  But for now, I'm a quitter in hell week!  Grrrrr

Edited May 7, 20197 yr by Mona

I really love a cigarette right now , But i am not going out and buying it .

Health concerns are the only reason .

 

Awesome post MLMR, thanks for letting those behind you know that there really is light at the end of the tunnel  

1 hour ago, MLMR said:

Looking back at my smokey years, its like Ive been on a constant watch for smoke facilitating circumstances. It was ALWAYS in the back of my mind, I was building life around smoking instead of the other way 'round. I dont know how I did that. It seems so, so tiring!

 

That loss of control over my own life was my primary motivation to quit.  From the time I woke up in the morning to that last one before bed, cigarettes dominated my entire day.

 

It's good to think back on those not so pleasant memories from time-to-time.  A reminder to appreciate the quitting process.

 

Freedom...Get you some!

Great post MLMR.  I also felt the same at one point.  It can and does become a thing of the past.  What a wonderful feeling to know that it no longer has a hold on you.

Totally agree with your post MLMR, a good capture of your journey so far and how you have a strong grasp now.  I remember how the last few years of my smoking life that cigarettes had total control of my life and everything I did and planned (also had those mornings you mentioned -- never deal with me until a cup of coffee and a couple of cigarettes).  It is so much better now that the control of nicotine is no longer there.  Great job on your quit to this point!!!

Great Post MLMR!  Not only are you changing what for years you never thought you could, but soon you feel the strength (that was always there) to change other things too.  When you reach the one year mark you should make time to re-read all of your early posts and the responses you were given.  Future you will be amazed at past you.

Great post. I needed to read something like this today. Can't wait to get where you are. Thanks for sharing this.