DenaliBlues

18

Manchego

18

Notsofast… 18

NOPE!

It was my 6-month anniversary this week, so it seems like a good time to take stock of what it’s like at this stage of my quitting journey. I still have to fight hard to stay quit, but I have a growing appreciation for the end results. I have freedom. I breathe better. I smell better. (At least when I bathe ) Smoking is not an active conflict with my partner. I have reduced the odds of a preventable disease making me a burden to others. I have more money in my pocket. All good. All expected. I’m also learning some things I didn't expect. The addiction created all kinds of illusions and blind spots in my brain. Now that I’ve quit, I can see some things more clearly. Like… … As a smoker, I could not fully comprehend how deeply in thrall I was to nicotine. I knew that smoking regulated how I spent my time and money. But I had no clue how unhappy it was making me, and how deeply it was undercutting my self-regard. I now see how soul-sucking the constant tension of loving/hating smoking was. I’m surprised that intensity of cognitive dissonance didn’t cause a stroke all by itself. No more! … Being a smoker weirdly paralyzed my capacity for self-care. I had a terrible resistance to exercise, seeing doctors, taking time off, etc. I was basically a smoking + working + smoking + working machine. I knew that I was stuck in that rut, but I didn’t realize that smoking was the glue. Now that I’ve quit, I am incrementally beginning to take care of myself in other ways. Seeing doctors, going to bed at a decent hour, staying active and speaking up for what I need are getting a smidge easier. … As a smoker, I was very isolated. I was not a secret smoker, but it was a way that I withdrew from others and put up walls. This Quit Train community broke through those walls. I get and give support from people who understand what quitting is like. I learn so much when you share your experiences. I get distraction from the desire to smoke. You all are hilarious, I often chuckle, and sometimes I howl out loud. Who knew I had people, a tribe?! I didn’t before, but I do now. I treasure all you generous, quirky, fallible, funny, perplexing, lovely humans in this community. ...In my early days after I stopped smoking, I thought that quitting was about NOT doing something (i.e. smoking). Turns out that was backwards. My experience now is that quitting smoking is very much about DOING something: recovering from addiction. Protecting my quit takes active effort. It's like part of my brain is still programmed to be a smoker and I have to re-load my quit into active memory a bunch of times each day. Day 180 is definitely easier than day 18. I must confess, though, that some moments are still a major struggle. I do hope it gets easier. What lies ahead? If anyone has perspectives on what they experienced in months 6-12, I'd love to hear them!

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Sadly, yes. This is normal. Nicotine addiction gets deeply embedded into our brains - it’s a chemical, psychological, emotional and ritual dependence. After 10 days you will have dealt with a lot of the chemical withdrawal part, but the other aspects of the addiction will put up a fuss for a while. Stay strong! Protect your quit. There is no such thing as “just one”… our brain chemistry’s reactions to nicotine will see to that. It might help to re-read the “Nicodemon’s Lies” post pinned to the Quit Smoking Discussions board here on the Train. (I swear I have read it about 200 times now… repetition helps beat back the Stinkin Thinkin.) And join the crew that takes the daily NOPE pledge, it helps too!

Yeah, first few weeks are pretty strange… Hell Week, WTF Week, Terribly Tired of Prunes Week, etc. Quitting is not linear, and sometimes the difficulties can feel random. That being said, it does get easier overall. You’ve got some hard days under your belt already. You can do it!

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Nice work @11better11! Glad to know that you’re on track and feeling good!

PS: Beg to differ with "my tool box is empty." Your addiction wants you to *think* it's empty, to discourage you and make it easier to tempt you. But the truth is that you have a bunch of tools. You posted here. You walked your dog. And you probably did a bunch of other things today to cope. I'm not saying this to try to blow sunshine up your butt - some days just stink! But having a cruddy day doesn't mean you're weak, it just means the universe dealt you a stinker of a day. A better day will come your way sometime soon. Hang in there!

I feel you @Linda... had a super duper crappy day of my own recently. Hang in there. This too shall pass. Maybe like a kidney stone, but pass it will. And till it does, I highly recommend ice cream, binge-watching cooking shows, and making your pets happy.

Thanks everyone! 6 months feels good. Thanks for your good company and support, it makes a huge difference. Plenty of hurdles along the way, but I’m still here, still climbing. Gonna. Make. It. Up. To. That. Lido. Deck!

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enriched dough

unagi

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Edinburgh Rock