Evelyn

True Bandit! And I'm glad I can keep it up!

I have this asthma puff, that opens my bronchiens but I left it away last week and only used the combination puff that opens my lungs and also works against bronchitis so it preventive. Sorry dunno how to ex[lain this in English. I've had one asthma attack last week and notice my breathing is more difficult without that extra one so I am going to start it again also because of this season. Even though I don't smoke I still need 3x2 combination puffs a day + the extra puff apparently. It's not ventolin it works longer. I had hoped my lungs would improve and that I didn't need to puff so often. The short of breathness also makes me tired. And it's not very encouraging. Anyone else who recognises this. Maybe it's also the season...

When I'm crisis, I think I need a cigarette to get me through but it only worsens the destructive thinking and IN FACT: I think later on NO I don't really enjoy smoking so why smoke?

NOPE

I'm tough nut to crack, babs

Besides lighting a fag inside will make my pigs smell of yucky smoke and if I smoke one outside I want to wash my clothes asap.

MQ that's a huge compliment. I'm very thankfull I'm growing more and more. No more self injury etc.... no smoke when we crash down. Are we tempted when we relive horrific memories? YES but I as a person have a choice and like my therapist once said "the biggest danger to you is yourself". No more of THAT! No more destroying myself, punishing myself... I choose to be free from the lies and abuse from my deceased father. Like my spiritual dad said "he's in jail and paying for what he did to you". It's about time I make my own choices. And not listen to old toxic lies. I still have the scars of my self injury from the last 10 years... I can't wash them away but no drop of my blood will be spilled to hate myself or keep a secret / lie for my father who was evil himself. I choose to be free and do I have to process a mountain of bloody memories: yes but not with agression to my own body I do not give 'my dad' his victory. No longer. Sorry if this is to personal or makes anyone unfomfortable. But replies on this are welcom; it comes right out of my heart. Many tell me I've grown and I am still growing. But one think is certain I couldn't have done and can't do it without my faith is the Lord.

Mind me I'm blown outta my shoes: got over 1000 posts...

Thank you cprofits! I appreciate that!

Present!

I was all bloody in crisis and called my neighbor for a cigarette; she said NO, YOU'VE COME THIS FAR. BE STRONG. So I put down my phone and thanked her for her answer. I was weak but luckily my (used-to-be-fag-delivery replied-NO) Today I'm VERY glad she helped my by saying no. I literally called her and said 'thanks for saying no to me'. Okay after scratching the wallpaper off the walls and going insane with evil memories I survived the evening. Can't remember how but no damage was done; I prayed A LOT! Today in church I felt angry at God WHY again? But then the preacher said something: you can follow the seed of Cain (who killed his brother and hated) or live in GRACE and rely on Jesus.... My anger dript off me. I'm far away from leaving all my past horror memories behind me and processed but I know God will carry me through them, just like the poem about footsteps on the sand. I always wear a necklace on the back the poem is carved in shot, on the front on set of footprint of the Lord carrying me with a cross. I just felt the need to post this.

Hurray!!!! Well done!

NOPE again

What's the lido?

Almost caved in BUT NOPE

NOPE

Thanks everyone!

NOPE

Had a succesfull processing-memory, therapy session. All clear. SMOKE FREE

Hang in there it will go away!

Let's pledge Not One Puff Ever (or for today if that helps) NOPE

Congratulations :D

Rolled through it without fag, tomorrow is a huge test

Still smokefree :D Sometimes struggling I'm yet out of the woods after wedneysday IF my processing memory in therapy succeeds. But I am sticking here.