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Until you take smoking as an option for yourself off the table you will continue riding the relapse Merry-Go-Round. In my personal experience, it got harder and harder to jump back into another quit. I kept "trying" again and again until I decided I never wanted to go through those early days/weeks/months ever again. Once and for all I had to finally choose not to smoke ... NO MATTER HOW I FELT, NO MATTER WHAT I TOLD MYSELF, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. I told myself that no matter how hard it got, no matter how long it took, that I would not smoke because I knew that only then would I eventually "get to the other side" of this active addiction and be a happy non-smoker. You are making & telling yourself a lot of BS excuses. It's an inside (mindset) job only you can change up for yourself. You don't have to smoke. You don't need to smoke. You CAN quit. It will always be a choice.5 points
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Ohh @Pilgrim I am really sorry to hear that!! You can't buy any cigarettes, because when you do, you will smoke them, as you can see! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again, but this time I really hope you don't go back! Throw out the cigs and all the smoking paraphernalia. Stresses in life will ALWAYS happen, you have to learn to deal with it without smoking. As you know, smoking doesn't take the problems away! I know you can do this because we all did and you will too!!5 points
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I relapsed several times before quitting for good. It is a tough life to live as I knew I was better off not smoking. I kept at it and eventually did quit for good and yes, it is worth it. Put those cigarettes down as soon as possible and reach out for help here if you are tempted to light up. You can quit and you need to quit.5 points
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Ugh! We know how hard it is, the strength of that siren song. Good on you for being accountable and sharing here. I agree 100% with @despair not. Don't slide back into the norm of smoking. Re-start your quit again asap. You know that smoking is not your "friend"... that it neither gratifies nor soothes, that it triggers yet another shame cycle. You are not doomed to repeat that loop over and over again. You can be free! It all starts with your refusal to comply with the stinkin thinkin in your head. Hop back on this Train, my friend.5 points
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I often think back to where and when my quit journey first began, toward the end of 2010. This was the first time I had given any meaningful effort to quit, despite only having been a smoker for about four years at that time. Any previous consideration to quit was made in jest or was a decision made with friends under the influence of liquid courage. Certainly we weren’t going to hold each other accountable for resolutions we made among a sea of empty cups. I also think back to the numerous failures and relapses along the way. The countless excuses I told myself, or let myself believe, so that I could smoke again, just one more time. And one more time always turned back into a pack a day, because a pack a day is only one puff away. Now, five years into my quit, I don’t remember what it feels like to smoke. Sometimes, if I have a straw or something, I will hold it like a cigarette and “act” like I’m smoking and the whole thing feels so alien to me, like I didn’t do it on almost a daily basis for over a decade. I don’t remember the taste either, but I do remember the coughing and the shortness of breath. I’m thankful that I remember all the bad stuff. Anyway, I wanted to pop in and let you all know I’m still here and still on the train, five years strong. Looking forward to six! It’s cliche to say, but in 2010 when I first tried to quit I would fantasize about what it would feel like to be five years quit. If only I could go back and let younger me know it’s way better than what I could’ve imagined. Stay the course, you got this!4 points
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