Minnie Mouse

Do you think because of personal issues (mental, emotional, physical, financial, situational) that it is impossible for you to quit or stay quit? Do you think nobody really understands just how hard it is for you? Have you "tried" and "tried" and "tried" and just can't get quit or stay quit? Do you tell yourself that there is something just "wrong" with you that doesn't allow you to be successful like others? These thoughts need to be addressed (lies debunked) if you answered yes to any of these questions so you can quit telling yourself such nonsense. Until you change your self-talk, drop the helplessness, and start to believe in yourself (and do the honest work required) you'll continue to run around the relapse Merry-Go-Round "trying" to get a hand hold so you can jump on to smobriety. Educate yourself about nicotine addiction (it helps to understand why you feel the way you do physically, emotionally & mentally when you quit) and put together your Quit Kit to help you get through the quitting process. The hardest part is always in the beginning. As far as "trying" goes -- remember TRIUMPH is the word "tri" with just a little more "umph". Lean on the community. Pledge daily and mean it. You need to absolutely believe that no matter how bad you may feel at any given time in the first hour, the first day, the first week, the first month, or the first year, that it will change eventually for you, bit by bit, for the better as you go through the process if you just don't smoke. Not One Puff Ever. It's doable. You CAN do it. A whole brand new shining smoke free world awaits you once you stop running around "trying" to catch the Merry-Go-Round. Jump on instead. No more Day One's for you. Every day can be a Day Won!

I wasn't going to reply to your post because your self-talk clearly tells me you don't really want to Stay Quit. Not really. You made a "sudden conscious decision to smoke". You had time to change your thought(s) but quickly & willingly chose to smoke/vape again because you wanted to rather than to Stay Quit. You "discovered a half full bottle" and was pleased. "It's so sweet". Again, you didn't want to Stay Quit. When you want to smoke/vape you tell yourself it's okay because you can always quit again after using up your supplies rather than throwing them away or whatever excuse you tell yourself. (Is using them up more important to you than your quit? Obviously.) Your self-talk sucks as you already know and you are willing to quickly shuck your smoke free time over & over again. You need to change. Not smoking after you quit is a commitment, a free choice, a promise to yourself. (Do you keep your promises?) To quit (over & over again) is easy; to Stay Quit no matter how much you want to smoke, no matter what you tell yourself, no matter how you feel is what you need to work on. You listen to your demon self-talk too easily. You need to get off the Merry-Go-Round ... that is if you really want to Stay Quit. (I will post an oldie blog of mine from another community I titled "Merry-Go-Round" in the Discussion Section. It's doable and I still believe in you. You have to do more than "just" want it though. You have to choose it and take smoking as an option off the table from Day One to make each day a Day Won.)

Most of us found the "Reward" cigarette to be one of the hardest ones to let go of when we quit. This is an oldie post I made in another community (on 8-30-19) which may be helpful. Delaying a smoke (before you choose to quit) is great, using distractions and other tools in our Quit Box is also great when we quit, but ultimately we need to see smoking for what it really is (an addiction) and let it go if we want to reach peace & gratefulness in our Stay Quit. Choosing to quit (letting our active addiction go dormant) is and always will be the REAL reward. You are worth REAL rewards in life (and smoking is not one of them). * * * * * * * * * * I used to see smoking as a reward … as earned ME time. The difference is I now see smoking as the addiction it really is and NOT in any way is it a reward. It never was & it never will be for anyone. Cigarette rewards are not REAL rewards. I decided that I was worth better rewards than smoking. I educated myself about nicotine addiction to change the way I saw smoking. It is a manufactured reward I needed to feed (over & over again) only because it is an addiction to nicotine. No more, no less. It was important for me to change what cigarettes meant to me in order to change ME & my perspective. Education on nicotine addiction was my ticket to Freedom. I latched onto anything & everything I could read about nicotine and addiction & Big Tobacco and found some amazing resources (whyquit.com being one of them). I no longer could close my eyes to what Big Tobacco put in cigarettes to make us inhale deeper when we smoked. I no longer could close my eyes to what Big Tobacco put in cigarettes to soothe our throats with menthol so we wouldn’t cough up a lung. I no longer could close my eyes to … etc. etc. etc. No more closed eyes for me. Educating myself opened my eyes & I could no longer toss away my denial thoughts of being an addict. I realized what I had become and what Big Tobacco had done to not only me but millions upon millions of people all in the name of $$$ for themselves. Get angry at Big Tobacco. Get angry at your addiction. Get angry at yourself for allowing it to happen. AND then begin to do something about it. Go after the REAL reward for yourself … SMOBRIETY. Quitting is not always easy but it really is simple. It was doable for me and it can be for you too. Educate yourself to change what smoking means to you, and then take your power back from Big Tobacco. AND … Don’t trade one addiction for another either by using E-Cigs/Vaping. They are NOT smoking cessation devices (no matter what others may try to tell you & that you want to believe). You really do need to quit smoking to quit smoking. Your lungs only love fresh, clean air inhaled into them. Time to really reward yourself!

Great decision to begin again. You CAN do it. None of us who have quit are special snowflakes with special sub-human powers. We quit and then since we chose not to smoke again we did something different other than smoke going forward ... hour by hour to start then by the day, then the month. One thing I reminded myself (self-talk) in those early days/months was that I only needed to go through this "quit smoking stuff" one more time if I "just" never took another puff/smoked another cigarette no matter how much I wanted to. The wants do pass eventually. Hang on & trust the eventually. Keep your focus forward to a non-smoking future you. And you don't have to do it alone. Holler for help as needed. I believe in you.

As Johann Hari would say, "The opposite of addiction is not smobriety ("sobriety"). The opposite of addiction is connection." Nobody says we have to quit alone. Support is a key tool to use in our "Tool Box". That being said, we must always be our biggest cheerleader. We are the only ones with ourselves 24/7 (positive self-talk mantras do help!). Nobody can do it for anyone else no matter how much we wish it for someone else.

Did you smoke again after being quit? Did you post for help & wait for at least three (3) responses? If you still needed help, did you post again (& again)? Did you go buy cigarettes & a lighter or did you already have them on hand? What will you be doing different the next time (if there even is one)? If nothing changes, nothing will change for you. You need to reassess your Quit Plan before you quit again. Do you believe it is harder for you to quit smoking than for others? That’s self-defeating talk. You are not unique. It’s doable for you too. Taking the word “try” out of your vocabulary & thinking would be a good start. The reason it gets harder & harder to quit again is because you keep giving yourself permission to smoke. Once given it’s harder to say no. Only you & you alone are in charge of the “permissions gate” for yourself. Tell yourself NO and mean it. You learn how to stay quit by not smoking. You learn how to navigate life’s ups & downs without smoking … by not smoking. Simple. I didn’t say easy. It’s always a choice. Yours. Choose to be done with smoking. Best Wishes. (Written by me 12-3-20 "somewhere else". Hope it helps someone here. You may get to where quitting is not a problem; it's the staying quit that is ... it takes personal commitment and a willingness to change yourself.)

Over three years quit now. Awesome! I remember your struggles from QuitNet/NOPE365. I'm so happy to see you still smoke free and adding to the reasons for your Stay Quit. Keep it up!

@SD2026 Smoking in "moderation" for the long term never worked for me and seldom does for anyone. Cigarettes travel in packs. That's why it's called an addiction. You're doing great. Keep it up!

Giving yourself permission to smoke again after you’ve quit can be worse for you than the actual physical act of smoking (bear with me here). The choice & permission given to smoke again really hurts us and may begin the relapse cycle many find themselves in. I recently saw a post from someone who had been quit a month, smoked “just a few”, and then immediately got back on the quit train. The comment made was surprise that it was just as hard if not even harder to not smoke again thinking that since he had been quit for a month and only had a few and quit again right away that it would be easier. First, I say congrats to this person for getting right back on his quit without allowing more smoking time to pass. It’s been my experience & what I’ve seen that many who relapse after being quit for a good bit of time (6 mos to a year or more) usually take longer to quit again than the actual time they had been quit. Again, it’s the permission you give yourself to smoke one (or a few) that can cause the most harm to you. This was certainly true for myself. I had a previous quit of a year and a half but when I went back to smoking I smoked for a little bit longer than I had been smoke free (one year 10 months) before I quit again. Once you give yourself permission to smoke you may be thinking I can always quit again. You may be telling yourself that you just want to “enjoy” smoking a little while longer. That little while often turns into a lot of time smoking again. I didn’t really appreciate my first quit. When I gave myself permission to have one it opened my “permissions” gate to eventually have another one (& then another & another). I fell back into the addiction trap of believing that I enjoyed it, could always quit again & that I could control the amount I smoked. I never really thought of myself as an addict back then. The problem was the permission I gave myself. Smoking is not just a bad habit, it’s an addiction. The only way to control “it” is to not feed it until it becomes dormant. The only way for it to stay dormant is to never have another one again to be guaranteed 100% of no relapse. I call it Adulting 101. Tell yourself “No” or “NOPE” out loud. Don’t give yourself permission for the first one. You know what it will lead to so don’t do it. Quitting again does not necessarily get easier with addictions because its the previous permission(s) you gave yourself that can make it harder to say no to yourself again. It’s up to you to parent yourself. Tell yourself no and mean it. (I wrote this for a different community on 3-21-19. It's lesson still holds true today. It would never be "just one" for me. I'll keep my addiction dormant ... forever.)

Education was my personal ticket to freedom from smoking. I encourage you to do your homework. Study up on nicotine & addiction (& Big Tobacco) as if you are studying for a test. Find the factual things that you can no longer ignore or stomach that collectively sends you over the cliff into your own personal “No Way, No More Smoking Land”. Work to change what smoking means to you. See smoking for what it really is. It is control over our time, our focus, our money . . . our life. Even our activities & who we hung out with was influenced by our smoking. Get yourself free from the smoke screen & do whatever it takes for you to walk away from it … forever. Freedom from active nicotine addiction is so awesome!!! I hope you get free of the chain of addiction sooner rather than later. Best Wishes.

@Gus Congrats on 5 Years Quit! That is so awesome! I completely understand. I also did not believe I was an "addict" until this my final quit when I acknowledged & came to terms with it. I absolutely WAS an active nicotine addict (it lies dormant in us forever). Nicotine doubles the rate in which our liver eliminates caffeine from our bloodstream. When we stop smoking if we don't reduce our coffee intake or should I say any caffeine intake (think soda, etc) the effects or impact doubles in our body. One cup of coffee for instance may make us feel like we had two. It makes perfect sense that you feel different now. I'm so happy you are on the Freedom Trail with me.

We carved out really deep smoking neuro pathways in our brain for years when we smoked. It was easier for many of us to postpone, procrastinate, and avoid people, issues, and situations using smoking as a crutch instead of dealing with our life stuff head on. The new neuro pathways we make when we quit smoking, the healthy recovery ones, just aren't that deeply ingrained in us in the beginning so its easy, even compelling, to want to revert back to our old familiar patterns. It takes time & repetition to rebuild new pathways to replace the old ones (and to stop our addiction from leading us astray). Be kind to yourself (especially with your self-talk). Don't judge the urges you are having; just turn them away. It gets much easier & better with more smoke free time. Every time you say "NO" the concrete foundation you are building becomes stronger & firmer. Patience. It takes time to build new auto "go to habit" responses. It takes time to rebuild US. (Written by me 12-3-21. Nicotine addiction (or any addiction for that matter) physically changes our brain. It takes a while to recover ourselves once our addiction is dormant (but still lying in wait should we ever decide to use our DOC again) so remember to be kind to yourself. Best Wishes.)

How hard or easy it is for you to quit does not predict the long term outcome of your Stay Quit. All quits are NOT the same either whether it be our own quits or others’ quits. In my experience I found that the harder it was for me the more personal work I had to put into it & the firmer I built my foundation. It was a good thing for me although I didn’t feel that way at the time. Education, mindset, commitment & perspective made a huge difference when I quit smoking this time. It helped me understand & overcome the initial “Lizard Brain” most of us have as active addicts which told me many things including that I could not quit cold/smart turkey. I didn’t appreciate & value my first quit (of a year & a half) because it was so easy for me to quit (sorry, but true). This time it was hard. Much, much harder. Chosen meds were removed from my Tool Box one after another. I felt great anxiety just at the thought of quitting without “help”. Chantix (my miracle drug for my easy quit) was stopped on Day 6 (a day before the actual quit day) because of an extreme side affect. The patch was stopped after 11 days due to a severe allergic reaction and then Wellbutrin had to be discontinued on Day 32 also due to an extreme side effect. (I realized much later that I had truly taken smoking as an option off the table from Day One because smoking never entered my mind with my initial setbacks. It really worked!) My point? If you are using a aid & it “fails you” it does not mean you have to return to smoking. Instead piece the different methods together & use your other chosen tools from your “Tool Box” and keep moving ahead smoke free. Your doctor can also be a great resource so I highly encourage you to get your doctor on board with your quit. Mine was with me every step of the way. We never know how much harder it may be for us the “next” time so I encourage you to just hang on & keep building on your smoke free days. Piece your aids together if you have to & don’t return to smoking. It doesn’t matter how “ugly” you do your quit because if you don’t smoke the days count the same. In fact, the harder won it is the more you may appreciate your Stay Quit. No matter how I felt or what happened to me or what I thought I cemented my quit foundation one hard day at a time in the beginning. I appreciated any smoke free time. It was my most precious gift to myself & I treated it as such and hung onto it for dear life. It’s hard when you’re an active nicotine addict. No doubt about it but if you don’t smoke and give yourself time you can regain control of your brain … or at least to the point that the Nic O. Demon is no longer whispering constantly in your ear. (By the way, the reason those whispers are so powerful is because the Nic O. Demon is YOU (your self-talk) and knows all your weaknesses & likes to exploit them fully to try to bring you back to Nico Land.) If you are going through hell with your quit recognize that it’s because of your smoking and what you are going through is the price we pay to rid ourselves of our active addiction. It’s temporary. Focus on the goal … to be smoke free and to achieve peace & gratefulness about it. The when for each of us varies. Don’t smoke & give yourself the gift of time to reach Freedom for yourself. If you have to keep piecing your quit tools together … do it … it all counts. (I wrote this 4-30-19 but it is still relative today. I hope it has something to say to those having difficulty quitting or staying quit. Best Wishes.)

I hope it means for you that you are "outside yourself" looking at others doing what you used to do with no want, need, or jealousy that they "get to smoke" and you don't. Hopefully it is a sign of transition from the old smoker you to the non-smoker you are now. Fast forward to the future and see them if they continue smoking and you staying smoke free. This week when I was entering a grocery store I observed a "very" elderly woman standing with a walker just outside the front entrance under a overhang to protect herself from the weather. She was bent over to keep both hands on the walker while taking a deep inhaling breath on a cigarette that was in one hand. She was clearly dependent on others & waiting to be picked up. I felt so sorry for her still being in the grip of active nicotine addiction at her age and in her health. One of my big quit reasons was not being put in a care situation and expecting others to help me continue my addiction so I didn't go into withdrawal. Too late for her but not for you to change your future. Best Wishes.

Great announcement for those who don't know (and reminder for those who already do!). I had my annual low dose CT scan done on Friday (it is done every year for me). Just received the results back today which is more comprehensive than "just" the lungs in its detail. Mine is totally paid for as a high risk former smoker. (Different eligibility for "Gold Standard" testing here it appears.) Yes it absolutely saves lives as I'm sure we probably all personally know someone who benefited from this test. Happy Holidays to all!