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  1. "But I enjoyed smoking!" I hear that again and again from folks struggling to quit. (I've heard my own inner addict's voice whisper it a thousand times.) And so I ask this question: Was smoking ever REALLY enjoyable? One of the keys to my success this time around has been to remind myself that smoking was never really something I enjoyed. Not really. Remember that very first cigarette--the burning sensation in your throat, the acrid smell of the smoke, the cough following that first hit? I still remember it. Why did I continue to smoke? It wasn't because I e
    10 points
  2. I think I've hit a breakthrough in my quit. I was thinking the other day about New Year's Eve and planning my adventures for the evening. (They involve pizza, pajamas, and The Twilight Zone marathon on Syfy.) I was remembering last New Year's Eve and recalling how I spent most of the day smoking as many cigarettes as I could in preparation for my quit the next day. I thought about how I spent the last moments of 2018 smoking my last cigarette, which I extinguished at 11:59pm just as the fireworks were starting in my neighborhood. And I realized something... For the firs
    9 points
  3. I have so much blog material at the moment. But this is one I find myself going back to today. It is so hard to be honest about addiction, not just to the outside world, but to yourself. Being critical, not scared of the cold hard truth. The courage to look yourself in the eye and explore that impulse emotion when someone calls the addiction by it's name. I posted about my relapse last night. And I found the support overwhelming, and I thank all of you that had my back. I could've said nothing. I could've forgiven myself and just leave it at that. -Which is so not me btw- BUT I think it
    7 points
  4. When I was in the shower I started thinking about my history with the cigarette. And I thought it might be an interesting story to share as so many others have been through the same thing. I was introduced to the normality of tobacco when I was 4 years old. Every male member of my family was a smoker. My granddad on my dad's side was the king; He smoked every variation there was: cigarettes, pipe, cigars and even prune (of course that last one he did not light up :P) . My mom's dad smoked camels - oddly enough I have smoked that same brand for many many years. My dad made his
    6 points
  5. Hello Quit Train Riders, Just a momentary pause to say I am still on the train. Over 6 months, $2K dollars and 3k cigarettes away from slavery. Sailing through the highs and lows with very few thoughts of smoking at all. Had a momentary major desire for a smoke earlier today and just looked at it and wondered, what the heck is this? Oral surgery went....safely. Am deeply grateful for: acres and acres to roam in glorious autumn opportunities to work the gift of health - for myself and so many I hold dear, and you dear reader! relati
    5 points
  6. Day one- I make a video of myself giving myself a pep-talk/lecture. My Pre-SOS if you will and in the middle of it I am about to light one up and I am in the middle of telling myself that we are in control. We get to decide if you smoke or not. That our addiction is not in control of me. I stop mid sentence to go light that cigarette up and I look at it break it in half and throw it in the ash tray and dump water in on top for good measure. I then finish my video and didn't smoke for the rest of the day. No issues yeah I had urges and craves nothing to bad. Would tell myself Nah we don't do th
    5 points
  7. So I have thought of a really cool non-smoker name for my blog. "Thoughts Of A Winner"!!!! OMG, I love it. Think about it, I want to stay on a positive track here. Now I am not saying I won't vent or say negative things. Because lets be real here I am quitting smoking, and this is a quit smoking blog. Although I am going to try to keep those dark and stormy thought to a minimum. We will see. So, as I sit here writing this. I am eating a big bowl of roast, that somehow magically turned itself into like a stew of sorts. Either way it's fire and making my tummy so very very happy. Qui
    4 points
  8. Just stopped by to learn, connect and share a bit. Best of everything to Boo. May your adventures bring many belly laughs and your love overflow and change the world! Quick acknowledgment of the gratitude for my non smoking life..... LOVING every minute of not arranging life around smoking grandkids coming to stay for a month...won't even have to THINK about what I am role modeling by smoking because I DON'T SMOKE!!! much laughter aloud at that truism....YAY my marvelous man is deeply grateful I am Free! I do not give a single thought to how I might smel
    4 points
  9. Hello Fabulous Quit Train People, It has been awhile since I was here on the boards. The last 3 hours have been a wreck of smokey thoughts and intentions. Grateful I chose to come visit here before grabbing my keys and heading out. Haven't gotten myself off the ledge yet and am certain I will get off it before relapsing. The intensity doesn't surprise me. I know who I am. Sad that I am having the "same old , same old" response to predictably the same old, same old ire raising situations. Yet, again, I
    4 points
  10. Feeling odd and fine at the same time. Pretty sure lots of folks are in this space. Had some sleep with out OTC assistance the last few nights. Yay! As this recovery from 38 plus years of addiction sails along ... my gums and teeth are sensitive and sore in places. Hurray for blood flow!! Appreciate the opportunity to lavish some fabulous oral care on myself. I love my waterpik. Had allowed the illusion of no pain to be the belief "I have healthy gums and teeth"... sad laughter ... the lies I told myself as I sucked in the poisons. Kind of funny (
    4 points
  11. Spent most of yesterday reading aloud to my marvelous man. We were tending to burn piles on the property. Lovely spring day for it. Saw a white squirrel. First time I have ever seen one. I seem to be grumpy and dumpy... declaring aloud often , " I do not smoke." Have stuck with exercise challenge (2 specific exercises) for 6 days. Limiting news intake. Eating more than my share. Have had chronic pain in my neck for several months. It feels as if steel bands have been installed and I have a very limited range of motion with my head. Some evenings I take PM ibu
    4 points
  12. Hello Fabulous QT Riders, Just bopping by to say how awesome smoke free life is. I rarely think about smoking. Would not have imagined that was possible 5 months and 23 days ago. AMAZED at how quickly life rolls on without what I once considered REQUIRED. I can barely recall what it was like to arrange my day around the cigarettes. I now sleep later and wake up with zero sense of urgency to feed the addiction. WOOO HOOO! I have been increasing my activity levels ... walking daily with my cat, practicing yoga/qi gong, biking uphill! May have added some weigh
    3 points
  13. Well,... seat still warm on the train, yet I seem headed toward the exit sign at this station. Lonely amidst a group that love me ~ a familiar feeling. A lifetime ...well 37 years, of poor or rudimentary skills at dealing with discord and BIG feelings have left me adrift over the last few days. Not surprised...no one waves a magic wand , or puts out the smoke, and magically fills the 'space' with graceful replacements....or maybe they do and it is just me. anyway not much of light and hope to say.... still here...hurray!.
    3 points
  14. Hello Fabulous Quit Train People, Have been quite busy with navigating guests in my home who do not share beliefs around covid concerns. Glad to have (sort of, not really...) found a way to be okay with sharing close space and being with the people I hold deeply dear. More urgent smokey thoughts in the last few days than I have experienced in awhile. Just acknowledging the thought, announcing "I don't smoke", and moving on to the next activity. Still surprised when I spend any time thinking about it...that I am a nonsmoker. Still wondering...am I solid enough to chang
    3 points
  15. Feeling much lighter of heart and head the last few days. Grateful to be able to ride out the emotional downs without being a slave to nicotine addiction. Yipee! Close call sometimes. For the most part I don't think much about smoking at all. When the urge hits to smoke it is either light and easy to bat away, or all consuming and demanding action. Through whatever grace I am free of nicotine (38 ish years a slave...no more) and trucking on. Not saying there are not other things that need tending and healing, and very grateful for the relative ease of releasing this addicti
    3 points
  16. Thought about smoking, in a non-urgent barely considering it a smokey thought, for the first time today about 5 minutes ago. I am amazed, grateful, proud? (ooo, don't say that, not pride....), still hesitant to have faith and LIVING smoke free none the less. Had someone told me 2 months ago that I would have this experience in the next two moths I would have negated their reality with no hesitation. Denied the possibility with every fiber of my self knowing. Hardly ever have I been this grateful to have been potentially wrong. I am a nonsmoker. Feel like there needs t
    3 points
  17. Been a long week since I touched base here. Still on the train. Had a few times where I almost (purse in hand and headed for the car) went to buy cigarettes, ended up doing something different. Turns out I seem to be an awful bitch...didn't realize how often I used a cigarette to stop myself from speaking. lol, or cry. Course, I am used to being of service to my community and working some, so perhaps (I hope) the bitchiness isn't entirely the real me under the addiction.... and may be related to the changes the world is going through. Still, like to think I'd show up
    3 points
  18. Here I am. Experiencing one of the less than optimistic periods. Hoping it is short lived. Having a "channel 19" (read no news today) break. Will likely NEED to attend to my tooth concern with professional care. Grateful for the blood flow, grateful for tools to provide oral care. My dentist in the previous state had hoped I would get 5 yeas out of this tooth. Coming up on 2.5, so hey, a good run for a former smoker. Concerned as I had put off finding a dentist in this new state (while getting hooked up to new insurance) and now will be looking for care dur
    3 points
  19. Still delighted to be FREE. Can't spend too much time pondering the choices of the past. The consequences and results of all my past choices will reveal or heal as I THRIVE on....with all the opportunities life brings. The teeth and gum pain is such that in normal times I would head to the dentist. Being in far from normal times, I am choosing to self treat with many salt water rinses and using the water pik with hydrogen peroxide mix. Cravings are few and vary in duration (never more than a few minutes) and really feel more like celluar memory of what I am "supposed
    3 points
  20. Wow! I really don't know how it's been 14 days already. Body inventory: no pain in lungs when breathing taste and smell things in HD - really enjoying the scent of woodlands in the rain ear and throat irritation - allergies, covid-19, healing - may never know for certain tired - not sleeping too well lately, and hey, who is? a bit more than a bit concerned that I am not doing the things that support a sturdy quit.... pre posting a current SOS for myself, refreshing my knowledge and understanding of addiction, etc not really acknowledging my
    3 points
  21. hoping to stick to the boards for the next few days. having oral surgery mid day tomorrow. losing chewing surfaces on one side and do not know how/when I will be able to replace ...or even if possible. deeply regretful about some of my life choices and having a hard time being in acceptance around the consequences of my choices. getting married in a monthish. never thought I would and it's kind of weirding me out. RoLlERcOaStErInG....VERY high or VERY low.....very much going for even keeled. lol. breathe ... and again. HUGE old behavioral push to go get cigarette
    2 points
  22. 19 days quit. I'm finding myself thinking about how to get rid of the negative feelings ie anger/uncomfortableness. I don't want to smoke but there is a part my psyche that misses it. Been using the lozenges and am wondering if that is making things worse but worried that if I stop, I'll go back to smoking. I don't miss smoking but do miss the comfort of normalcy. My mouth hurts and this is making me angry. But I also know that if I keep going, then one day, these feelings will be nothing but a memory. If I don't keep going, then one day, I will have to f
    2 points
  23. Hola Folks, Posting because I said I would... and I am only as good as my word (judgement noted). Warning...my head is not always screwed on straight enough for many folks. Will go back and reread this blog after posting....maybe I have said something that will be of help to myself. Having an unusually (why the qualifier?) challenging time the last week or so. Understanding addiction, understanding trauma
    2 points
  24. on hiatus. still on train.
    2 points
  25. Faking my way through the NOPE pledge this morning. Not even 5:30 a.m. and I am just winding down from tilt mode.....CRAVING firmly attached to tilt mode. staring at screen feeling heart race and listening to head race looking for good excuse, ha ha ha ANY excuse is the good one when you choose to pick up. NOPE NOPE NOPE going to eat.. then ... Most of the day later.... Glad things calmed down in my head. Glad I have plenty of things to do. Still getting bigger cravings than I had the first week. Li
    2 points
  26. Feeling deeply off (collective grief, I think). No off switch, minimal awareness, and even less discipline around eating right now. Considering it a great day if I manage to shower, dress and care for my teeth. Pretty sure some of it is due to not being in the cigarette~task loop anymore. HURRAY! and of course some of it is due to Stay at Home/Covid-19 safety practices. To spend just a moment here... I used to punctuate my day with smoking. Could measure many things by the number of smokes I had. I was pretty dedicated to smoking between tasks, so find
    2 points
  27. very tired. feeling thin and quick on the trigger. wish I could sleep during the day. do not want to utilize otc sleep stuff. do not feel like doing anything woke alarmed in the middle of the night. had spoken to my mom (celebrating her birthday) yesterday afternoon and she had a dry cough. WORRIED. she says she feels fine and it was a cough due to not speaking too often these days. managed not to call my mom in the middle of the night with my panic. managed not to wake my marvelous man, either. didn't really get much sound sleep after
    2 points
  28. went to sleep last night feeling like I would get up today and go get cigarettes. woke with the same feeling. still on the train. almost late afternoon. playing the mind games outsmarting myself.... you know you smoke... yeah, but it's mom's birthday and she is so happy you quit. you can smoke tomorrow.... nope nope nope think again, get right with yourself, call an ally. post an sos Do it!!! sister's life derailing amidst the now normal pandemonium and I am not there to support her. though being in the smoker's zone would be suicid
    2 points
  29. Scootin' down the track. Grateful for the freedom and taking each day as a gift. I really am concerned (yet, do not seem motivated to DO anything about it) that my quit is only as good as my best day and the choice to remain at home (vs. risking virus laden gas station). I am not having deep overwhelming cravings, I am not roller-coastering on emotion, for these gifts I am grateful. The junkie thinking is here. think again, get right with myself, call an ally, post an sos As the covid -19 virus ramps up in my community (and so many others) ... I hope that I
    2 points
  30. just staying connected. I have been grumpy and whiny....in my own head and to myself. Yesterday was great. Did some exercise. NOPEd when I craved. Spoke with many people I care about. Today I am on an eating binge. second breakfast anyone? with a side of snacks. Already prepping and planning dinner. Didn't sleep well last night. Up planning my outing outfit. Not planning on going off property for the foreseeable future, but still getting some pleasure and laughs from planning my germ free outing wear. Kind of steampunk version ... may as well have some fun and really
    2 points
  31. Today begins with ease and grace.
    2 points
  32. Grateful for the choice to quit smoking and the ease (99% of the time) of the transition. In the past (many attempts over many years) this has not been my experience. Only one wildly out of control craving and I am still here....free. I am having trouble sleeping and the last few days more cravings than I have had. Circumstances of the world likely influencing my sleep. Hadn't been off property in over a week until today. Went out to just ride around and see what the pulse of the nearest towns felt like. strange times.... I worry deeply about older (any age reall
    2 points
  33. Attempting something new...starting a journal type blog...or something ...lol Hello Everyone, Made it through yesterday with my seat on the train intact. Wasn't sure that was going to be the case for awhile. Was in an emotional upheaval and down on myself for not showing up for people how I would hope to if being a kind thoughtful person. I have a tendency toward self recrimination that is probably diagnosable somehow. I lean toward hurting myself harder, if I perceive (or know) I have hurt others. Awareness of the pattern is only helpful sometimes. Yesterday it was n
    2 points
  34. In celebration of my Six Years of Freedom, I wrote this little piece, now at seven years I re-visit my commitment to NOPE. Sazerac's Simple Guide To Freedom Desire: You must want to quit more than you want to smoke Decision: Make the decision to live life without Nicotine. Commitment: Commit wholeheartedly to live without Nicotine and intend on standing by your resolve. Choice: Choose to never smoke again, EVER. This choice will empower you in many, many ways. “Once you make a decision, the unive
    1 point
  35. By @Angeleek Follow the link in the blog entry to the thread.
    1 point
  36. I quit almost seven years ago and have become an advocate of Cold Turkey but, believe me, I support and encourage everybody in their precious quits. Any Quit Is A Good Quit. Seven years ago (and still seek today) I sought information (in a galaxy of Misinformation) and was dismayed after googling around finding numerous instances of 'responsible experts' recommending to NOT quit cold turkey. Health professionals are quick to prescribe NRT's which actually have higher failure rates than a Cold Turkey quit. What kind of idiotic advise is th
    1 point
  37. It has been over a month of FREEDOM. I am grateful for the quit. Been pondering commitment and lack of it. Been pondering the ways I have hidden. Been less than pondering the many ways I have healed and moved forward, co-created incredible things and journeyed with some incredible souls. Be useful to spend some time pondering those things. Giant thank you to: Sazerac Jillar Forestgreen Jordan Doreen the companionship, words and resources brin
    1 point
  38. Another day on the train. Woo Hoo! Sometimes I remember I don't smoke and am surprised. Still getting the occasional expected and occasional unexpected craving. Barely, evening NOPEing myself. Just moving along to the next thought. What a gift!!! Been feeling untethered and a decided lack of purpose ... I'm sure many are finding their way with similar feelings. So scared for so many people. Desire for information and understanding... don't think either are forthcoming. Have decided if I am smoke free, living actively, connecting
    1 point
  39. I am trying to write at least a bit each day. Several folks have suggested that sharing my quit journey can be useful for others. Not sure I have anything worth sharing. I am/have not been a person of eternal optimism. I do have passion and temerity when it comes to new things, learning and ways to heal. I find most people are uncomfortable speaking of or listening to things that are intense, morose and/or painful, that can often be defined by the term trauma. I have found that I (and many fabulous people I have encountered along the way) have developed an array of s
    1 point
  40. Considering the circumstances of us all, I am embarrassed (yet grateful) that I have had a fun pleasant connected day with my marvelous man (and cats). I noticed a few weak cravings at expected times. Didn't even need to spend any energy pushing the smokey thought away. It just quietly bowed out as I turned my attention to the next thing. Knowing the struggles, true deep struggles, I have had during previous quits...I can not express how dumbfounded I am at the grace and ease I am experiencing. So grateful for it. It has been way past time for me to quit for decades. Type,
    1 point
  41. It was a fine day filled with bird song. ...and eagles circling above when walking with cat. Stress filled times, some cravings....and NOPE, I don't smoke. Cravings seems to pull especially hard (which instantly translates to grumpy and whiny) when I get tired or scared. So, when I am awake? mirthful laugh Really have been doing pretty well. Grateful. Have even felt a bit accomplished for a few brief moments.
    1 point
  42. Welp - I guess it's time to start the blog and not clog up the threads: This is my 2nd try but it doesn't seem to show up?? But anyhow!! TEAM DEADPOOL is officially GAME ON! Today was another good day! I'm 1/2 way through my radiation treatments with only 5 days to go (excluding weekends)! After this AM's treatment I met back with my radiation/oncology team. They have reduced my steroid intake to only 1 pill a day which means the treatments are doing their job. They plan to wait 60-90 days for my next MRI to make sure everything is A-OK and that is the best waiting tim
    1 point
  43. Wow I am almost at the 1 month quit experience! And it is.. eh yeah.. eventful to say the least. My first week was an awesome high, my second week was a mix of coughs, colds, and mixed feelings.. Then the germany trip, week 3, that has set me back.. the ads and the availability got into my head, the romancing started again.. emotions flared up and I have been trapped inside my head. I couldn't stop crying two days ago.. I almost convinced myself this quiting thing was not something I was strong enough for (-yes *ding ding ding* all the red flags there) I had to force myself to
    1 point
  44. I have read about the acronym, H A L T, in recovery paraphernalia and have used it to a great degree of success in changing my patterns from a nicotine addict to a Free person. Having a Crave ? H. A. L. T. Are you Hungry - Thirsty - need a deep breath of Oxygen ? Angry - Happy - Emotional ? Lonesome - Bored ? Tired ? In many, many instances, when I would reach for a smoke, my poor body was actually trying to alert me that it needed attention in some way. My addiction silenced these natural
    1 point
  45. ...Science calls our lies denial. Denial is an unconscious defense mechanism - just below the surface - for resolving the emotional conflict and anxieties that naturally arise from living in a permanent state of self-destructive chemical bondage. Nicodemon's Lies? by John R. Polito Nicotine Cessation Educator https://whyquit.com/whyquit/A_NicodemonsLies.html Why a question mark behind "Nicodemon's Lies"? Because there is no Nicodemon. Because there are zero monsters or demons within us. It's just another lie, our lie, as dependency ignorance tried to make sense of
    1 point
  46. 160 days. 5 months...1 week...2 days. Did I ever smoked...? Was all of that just a dream...? When I stop and think about when I smoked it feels like some distant memory... as if maybe it happened or maybe it was a dream... I dont know. That's what it feels like now. The other day I was watching someone smoke very closely. I was intrigued. Not because I wanted one but because I was seriously interested in what was happening before me. I started thinking to myself and imagining smoking... do I remember how to flick the ash off the end of a cigarette? I don't think Id even be able to do it withou
    1 point
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QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

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