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Know any funny jokes or quotes ..

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a sign on the wall of an employees lounge:

 

Feel like you need a vacation?

Want that extra time off so you can sleep late

travel to new and exotic places?

 

Then **** up just one more time!!

sign at the trail head in a park in Montana:

 

You are entering bear country.  Make sure you have an air horn and bear spray.  It is also important to determine what kind of bears may be in the area by indentifying their feces.  Black bear feces will smell musty and contain seeds and berries.  Brown bear feces usually smells like bear spray and contains air horns.

11 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

I Y...

Nice picture 😁

thank you...that hooded cloak in bird crap green was getting a little dated.  LMAO!!

11 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

I Y...

Nice picture 😁

 

Still one of my favorite things on the internet...Yoda, the college years.

image.png.9ff9bb350c4d694c1ff1ba00fc8a5390.png

 

And on the subject of Star Wars and jokes...Obi-Wan and Luke are eating at a Chinese restaurant.  Luke can't figure out how to use the chopsticks.  So Obi-Wan says: "Use the forks, Luke."

a penguin was driving through a small town when his car started to overheat.  luckily he was right next to a service station so he pulled in and told the attendant what was wrong.  the attendant said it would be a while before the mechanic could look at it and suggested the penguin have a walk around town to bide the time.  the penguin saw an ice cream store and decided to get himself a vanilla ice cream cone.  he walked out of the shop eating his ice cream but it was kinda hot out and he was having trouble manuvering it in his flippers and ended up with ice cream all over his beak and face.  Ice cream dripped down his chest and all over his flippers.  When he got back to the service station the mechanic asked, "is this your car?".  "yes" replied the penguin.  the mechanic then told him, "it looks like you blew a seal."  "oh no," replied the penguin, "it's just ice cream."   

3 guys go to apply for the same job and the interviewer is so impressed with all of them that he decides to ask them one question and the best answer gets the job.  the question is what is the fastest thing in the universe.

the first guy says, "that's easy, light."

"not so fast", says the second, "thought is the fastest thing in the universe."

the interviewer is very impressed and turns to the last guy and says, "what's your answer?  both of those are really good."

the third guy thinks for a second and says, "diarrhea, that's the fastest thing in the universe."

Everyone looks at him puzzled and the interviewer asks, "how in the hell did you come up with diarrhea?"

the applicant just looks at him says, "easy, before you can even think about turning on the light, it's too late."

 

thank you thank you, I'm here all week.

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