May 17, 20206 yr So just got back from marriage counselling where the wife lays out a laundry list of what's wrong with our marriage. You know, like .... no love, no intimacy, no bla,bla,bla! So, after listening to all this, the therapist gets up and walks around the desk, kisses my wife; probably the most passionate kiss she's ever had in her life, then sits her down, looks at me and says "Now, can you do this three times a week? Huh .... welp, I can drop her off Mondays & Wednesday but Fridays, I'm fishin"!
May 18, 20206 yr Gday Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
May 20, 20206 yr So dad and I were talking about mutual friends...I play master's softball with the wife and daughter and drinks at the bowls club with dad....anyway he is a greyhound trainer which leads dad to tell one of his rare stories.... "Me and the boys had dogs when we were young. We had two but one was a bit timid and the other was just stupid in the head, would be jumping and belking and all over the place before it even ran. So anyway one of them was in a race and it came into the straight well out in front when there was this enormous clap of thunder, the dog jumps a mile in the sir, tucks its tail between its legs and cowers down in the middle of the track and all the other dogs run around it. The other one we took up the country, it thrashed about all over the car on the way there, then was going spastic before the race, we get it in the stalls, it takes off, then just stops, turns around in circles runs of jumps the inner fence, dashes across the centre of the track, jumps the other fence and catches the trap from the other side, rips up its pads and we thought that's it we've had enough of this game and never had a fog again"....then he wonders outside to his veggie patch an mum goes.."he used to hundreds cut those dogs food, walk them every day, give them training sessions at the beach and massage their joints...they had a beds that he would tuck them into at night and ring them songs and tell them bed time stories.
May 21, 20206 yr A guy is sitting in the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand doc," the patient replies. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says, "I'm trying to examine you."
May 25, 20206 yr Gday A Priest, a Rabbit and a Minister walk into a Bar. The bartender asks "What do you all want to drink". The Rabbit says "I Dunno, I'm only here because of Autocorrect"
May 27, 20206 yr A penguin takes her car to the shop and the mechanic says it will take about an hour for him to check it out. While she waits, the penguin goes across the street to the ice cream shop and orders a large sundae to pass the time. The penguin, who isn't the neatest eater, ends up covered with melted ice cream. When she returns to the repair shop the mechanic says, "I'm afraid to say it looks like you've blown a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."
June 6, 20206 yr Author Had my daily chat with Nicky today in Oz... Me ....Guess what ?...Horse racing is starting again to day...no spectators just the horses racing ... Nicky....Oh !!!!.....will there be jockeys...???? Me ...Yes how else will the horses know they are to be 2 metres apart ...!!!!
June 14, 20206 yr Author Meatloaf did anything for love but he wouldn’t do that ..... I wonder what it was.... 🤔🤔
June 23, 20206 yr Q. What do you get when mix human DNA with goat DNA? A. Kicked out of the petting zoo.
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