Two Irishmen were working in the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.

After a while, one amazed onlooker said: "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick."

G’day 

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."

The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?

Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.  Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case. Time for another beer and then maybe a nap.

Yes ....But ....

Have you ever been kicked in the nuts for a solid 14 Hours ????......

 

Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"

Do you know who the first two gay Irishmen were?

 

Patrick Fitzryan and Ryan Fitzpatrick.

 

. The Potato Peeler:

Sean was leaning against the counter in a Dublin bar enjoying a pint of Guinness when in walked his old friend Paddy looking decidedly glum.

“What’s the matter with you Patrick?” said Sean. “You’ve got a face on you like a wet weekend.”

“Oh, Sean,” he said. “I’ve just been fired from my job in the Fish & Chip shop.”

“You’ve been fired? Now why would they do that to you Patrick? What did you do that was so bad?” Sean enquired.

“Oh, I got caught putting my penis in the potato peeler.” Paddy responded.

“My God! Patrick that’s terrible. What happened to the potato peeler?” Sean naturally enquired.

“Oh she’s been fired too.” Said Paddy looking a little sheepish.

What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?

 

 

Spoiler

Any dog can because buildings can't jump.  😜😂🤔

 

Gday

Gday

back at cha

I raise you this...

 

 

 

 

I raise you this

Oh you want some of that?!

 

Just saw on my profile that my community reputation is 21,515, a huge improvement from what it was in my 20's 😂😂

A man in a hotel lobby turns to go to the front desk, but he accidentally runs into a woman beside him and his elbow bumps into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."