Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother,

 

"Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say,

 

"It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty."

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?"

 

The student replied, "It is obviously past."

How do fish get high?

 

Seaweed.

Bakon said to sonic...I have good news and bad news..!!!!

The bad news is... your blood was all over the crime scene and we know you did it.

Sonic says..What's the good news ...

Bakon replies ..your cholesterol is only 130...

What goes peck- peck - peck - boom.????

 

A chicken in a mine field..

Why did the bald man cut a hole in his pocket ???

 

He wanted to run his fingers through his hair..

The lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life,"

 

But john came fifth and won a toaster.

Just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of my penis.

 

Definitely won't be shagging one of those again.

The other night I played strip poker with my old lady:

 

She stripped and I poked her.

There was a snake crossing a highway and a truck ran over its ass.

 

The snake went back to get its ass and a truck ran over its head.

 

The moral of the story is, "Don't lose your head over a piece of ass."

What goes peck- peck - peck - boom.????

 

A chicken in a mine field..

 

Laughin alot here..

LOL

https://youtu.be/ur5fGSBsfq8

Your momma!

I refuse to make my own sandwich. I rely on sub contractors.

Name of the world's smartest Pig?

 

Ein-Swine :P

Pig lover lol

https://youtu.be/73YscxkmORo

I went into the pet shop to buy a gold fish.

The guy says ..Do you meant a aquarium ?

I said ..I don't care what starsign it is..

What domyou call a fat physic ????

 

A four chin teller...

Boo: "Holy crap, I just fell off a 50 ft ladder."

Mammy: "Oh my God, are you okay?"

Boo: "Yeah it's a good thing I fell off the first step."

Chrispy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.”

 

Intrigued, he walks in. “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog. “I've led a very full life,” says the dog.

 

“I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”

 

Chrispy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that shit"

Reciprocity: "Have you seen the movie Constipation?"

Stewie: "No, it hasn't come out yet."