Because the damn leprechauns don't want to share their gold! I've never been able to find it either but someday......

 

Do you need a silencer if you're going to shoot a mime?

Edited November 11, 20187 yr by jillar

Nope cos he's already silent.

 

Why do they smash a bottle of champers over the bow of a new boat?

Cos smashing the queens face over it would be seen as treason...

 

 

Why do windows get sooooooo dirty when they don't even move...?

the wind.

 

How come if the eyes are the windos to the soul we can't open them up to air it out?

You can't open your eyes?

 

Is telling someone 'just out of curiosity' the same as just being nosy?

Mind your own business.

 

How does santa manage to deliver so many presents around the world in one night.

 

 

Time Zones  

How does Santa land his sleigh on rooftops in places that have never seen snow?

With reindeer poop

 

How do they get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass?

The force they use.

 

How can the sky be grey, the rain be bucketing and the temp be frickin hot?

Welcome to planet earth

 

Which is the other side of the street?

The one across from where you are.

 

How many pecks in a bushel?

Only one peck(er) in my bush(el)

 

If humans have nightmares what do horses have?

Ladies night out.

 

Why do cats just nap?

Ok, you just keep believing that......

 

What's a cold bug look like?

I think they are blue and wear scarfs and thermals.

 

Why is Christmas day on the 25th again this year ? 

 

Edited December 15, 20187 yr by despair not

Because I have to go to the cricket on 26th.

 

Can Southampton make a comeback and win the Cup?

The only cup they're going to win is a cup of soup

 

Why is money called bread?

Because you can buy food with it.

 

Why are they called jelly fish when they aren't really fish?

The same reason seahorses are called sea horses when they are not really horses, people call things weird shit.

 

Why is a house fly smaller than a horse fly?

 

Because they come from toy doll houses.

 

How can something be Bittersweet? 

 

By mixing bitter with sweet

 

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning?

He has a hover board.

 

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

So the cats won't get lazy and stop chasing them (hi beazel )

 

When someone gives me their two cents worth when do I get paid?

 

 

Check is in the mail....

 

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Can women ever keep their mouths closed?

 

Why isn't phonics spelled the way it sounds?