Just a small observation

[SD2026]

Over the last couple of weeks I've noticed that instead of looking away from someone smoking, I now find myself watching the way they smoke, in particular focusing on the inhale and exhale.  I'm not always having a craving in these moments, I'm just simply taking it in.

 

It's not that I want to smoke, this just feels different. I'm not worried about it as such but it does make me wonder why I've gone from not wanting to see people smoking to this. I was hoping it was a once off but it's two weeks now.  It doesn't happen every single time, just when people are around me for a period of time (unavoidable) so rest assured I'm not stalking smokers 

 

I thought I'd mention it in case anyone else experiences this and if yes, how long did it last.  Or if it's just meeeee! 

It's not a major deal, like I said I'm not worried about it, just curious.   I also realise it may sound creepy but I'm pretty sure I'm subtle about it so that the smokers don't feel uncomfortable! 

[Reciprocity]

Can't say I ever did that but I expect perhaps it's just part of your quitting process to study in some depth that you never did before just what goes on when someone is smoking a cigarette. I bet you never even thought about it before when you were a smoker so now you're curious to examine precisely what happens when someone smokes. I doubt this will last long. Your curiosity will lessen and I expect you'll look at smokers differently in future.

 

I remember my relationship with others smoking went through a couple of phases. Initially, I wasn't around any smokers as I quit in the dead of winter so being outdoors around people smoking h=just wasn't a part of those first two or three months for me. Then came the short phase where I noticed I could smell someone smoking from a distance, which shocked me because I related it to myself and thought ... "Oh my God! Did I really smell that badly to others around me who didn't smoke?" Then, about 7 months into my quit, we went to Vegas for a few days and of course everyone seems to be smoking there. That's when I began looking at smokers around me with pitty and that was the exact moment I KNEW I would never smoke again! It was at that moment I realized what a slave I'd been to my need for nicotine - just like these people I was watching who just had to have a smoke even when they were in the outdoor pool 

 

Now, I look at smokers with some level of distain like ... Oh my, get away from me please. That's so disgusting. I suppose Ive lost all patience with somkers which I shouldn't because I uderstand deep down just what it was like to be an addict completely oblivious to how others around me were affected by my disgusting habit.

 

As I said earlier, I expect what you're going through is part of your divorce from smoking. Examining the whole process in a way you never did before. I think it's probably a good thing overall.

Edited March 17 by Reciprocity

[QuittingGirl]

In those beginning months I had all sorts of weird feelings.  Besides being nasty, impatient (more than I would normally be...LOL), anger, etc,  you name it, I had it.  In the beginning I think I had envy and glad that I quit, mixed together.  I was glad I quit, but envious that I had to quit.  It was a very emotional time for me as it is for many of us ex smokers, so any sort of emotion is normal as everyone is different. I still get a small urge every so often when I have a glass of wine or a drink, but I can quickly disregard it, because I know it will go away, and I'm not gonna smoke, because I will regret it and be back right in the beginning in the spot you are at today.  I definitely don't want to go back to those early months, because it would be a thousand times worse than the couple urges I get very infrequently.  You are doing great @SD2026   Keep it up!! You can do this!!

[GonSo]

I don't have that experience. In the beginning I really avoided smokers. Not always possible. I don't observe them but tell myself that I had good reasons to quit and feeling mostly fine now without smoking. 

And then the smell coming out of their mouth when they talk to me. Horrible. Don't want that to come out of my mouth ever!

[SD2026]

@ReciprocityAt lot of what you've said makes sense thank you, especially the part where I'm probably trying understand the process itself. The most prominent thought I get is the hit you have when you inhale, the exhale part is just the thin line of smoke lol   I don't always want to smoke when I see it, it doesn't make me feel like I must have one, just curious I  guess, weird as it is!  

 

Oh yes I mostly don't like the smell of smoke!  I say mostly because yes a few times I do but mostly no!  I haven't gotten to the pity them or look at them in disdain yet, hopefully soon though! 

 

Thanks @QuittingGirl those delightful emotions huh!  For anger/irritability I play music very loud and exercise which certainly helps as I don't want to feel anger as anger to me equals crying,    Maybe I look at them and wish I was smoking subconsciously, don't know. It won't make me smoke though and I guess that's what counts! 

 

@GonSo Yeah keeping away from smokers in the early days helps and I was able to in January but things are different now.  I'll manage though,  if I wasn't focusing on how others smoke maybe I'd do better!   Thanks all!

 

[Doreensfree]

You can look and observe 

As long as keep your Quit …

It takes time to rewire our brains 

I struggled so much in the early days 

Having fights with my addict brain 

I would  say it’s just a part of your journey 

everyone is different 

Your doing great  

[Minnie Mouse]

I hope it means for you that you are "outside yourself" looking at others doing what you used to do with no want, need, or jealousy that they "get to smoke" and you don't.  Hopefully it is a sign of transition from the old smoker you to the non-smoker you are now.  Fast forward to the future and see them if they continue smoking and you staying smoke free.

 

This week when I was entering a grocery store I observed a "very" elderly woman standing with a walker just outside the front entrance under a overhang to protect herself from the weather.  She was bent over to keep both hands on the walker while taking a deep inhaling breath on a cigarette that was in one hand.  She was clearly dependent on others & waiting to be picked up.  I felt so sorry for her still being in the grip of active nicotine addiction at her age and in her health.  One of my big quit reasons was not being put in a care situation and expecting others to help me continue my addiction so I didn't go into withdrawal.  Too late for her but not for you to change your future.  Best Wishes.  

[intoxicated yoda]

very interesting that you would notice that.  maybe you should try comparing that to how you smoked.  the way you held the cigarette, the inhale, the exhale, the relaxation after the exhale ended.  then do everything just without the cigarette in your hand.  you might come to see that your subconscious is giving you the insight that you never needed the cigarettes.  you just needed to learn to relax by taking a few breaths in that manner.  also i could just be full of shit.  hhahah.  seriously, i never paid attention to how anybody else smoked, but I did come to the realization that I could get most of the relaxation of a cigarette by going through the motions without the cigarette.  Some here called it JACs.  Jillars Air Cigarettes.  

[Cbdave]

Gday

You see that smoker a respectable distant. You see there checks hollow out as they suck them down. Those first couple it’s hard to tell if they are inhaling or exhaling or perhaps both at the same time like a trumpet player.
I used to slipstream the smoke. Yes I was guilty that I enjoyed the smell. Afraid the nicotine addict was just bellow the surface.

Now it’s firmly stuck in my mind that the smoke has already gone through another persons lung. Doesn’t sound very nice cause it’s not. It certainly kills any appeal that’s for sure.

Now matches they are different. I’m not ashamed to say I Love the smell of a freshly struck match……Mmmm….Mmmm.

If there’s grills BBQs to be lite it’s got to be a match. Nothing to do with smoking cigarettes Everything to do with that primitive flame loving side of me. Love Smoke. Beef lamb pork, Cheese…. Don’t get me started

 

 

[SD2026]

Thanks @Doreensfree, you're right, everyone deals with things differently and as long as I don't smoke it'll be fine. 

 

@Minnie Mouse yes I think (and hope) you're right that it's a sign of transition. I don't feel that I want to smoke all the time when it happens, I know the reality is that I can smoke if I want to. I choose not to.  Yeah it's sad seeing the elderly smoking and in ill health. I agree with you, I don't want to be in that situation when I'm older. I didn't just quit for myself but for those I love and care for.  Letting myself down is something I can get over but letting others down, not so much.  Thanks for your input.  

 

Thanks @intoxicated yoda it's not something I've noticed before so it is odd!  You may be on to something with my subconscious giving me insight that I never needed them so you're not full of shit lol   I think this because once you get that first hit, the second is good too, maybe not as good as the first but then the next few, not as pleasurable. (I'm getting to the point I promise  ) The feeling doesn't get better, yet I continued to finish it. I didn't see any of this with those I have seen smoke.  I'm differentiating the addiction from the habit. The addiction is the  first two puffs, the habit is the rest of the cigarette.  My conclusion, I was a dumbass for thinking otherwise!  

 

@Cbdave ohhhh after reading your comment that the smoke has already gone through someone else's lungs first, I'll be making sure to dodge it from now on!   I didn't see it like that, so  gross!  You've cured me already! lol  I'm with you re the smell of a freshly lit match, no shame here  either!   Thank you!  

[SD2026]

19 hours ago, SD2026 said:

Or if it's just meeeee! 

Just to quote myself - yeah, it is just meeeee    Thanks for letting me get it all out, it has helped 

[Doreensfree]

Up and Onwards

Edited March 18 by Doreensfree