I'm about to relapse

[Pilgrim]

Friends, I am really struggling here. I've been "dreaming" about smoking again lately, but it's particularly bad right now. I'm in the middle of a camping trip with my kids. The last time I was here, 2 years ago, I had just started smoking again and was really enjoying the nicotine buzz, as well as the "thrill" of sneaking in a cigarette here and there. Today this place is triggering me so hard. I keep thinking to myself how nice it would be to taste a cigarette again... just allow myself one, as an exception, as a "treat."

My rational mind knows if I do have a smoke it could very well lead to the next one. I would ruin my 3 month quit... it would be a damn shame. But despite that, the urge is so strong right now... I don't think anyone could say anything in response to this that I don't already know, but it helps somewhat to write about what I'm going through here. I'm hanging on.

[c9jane29]

Hey @Pilgrim! 

The only way to quit smoking is to stop putting cigarettes in your mouth. Even when we want to. Even when that old stinking thinking starts romancing the cigarette. 

It is just a memory, acknowledge and move on friend. 

Go breathe in that good camp air, make new memories with your kids, that's what life is about...this chapter is for you to write, it doesn't belong to addiction anymore!

 

Edited yesterday at 10:26 AM by c9jane29

[Pilgrim]

@c9jane29, thanks for your advice. You're absolutely right, it's the romantic memory, more than anything, that's triggering me here... that stinking thinking. Lol.

I'm going to stay strong and get through and past it.

[Minnie Mouse]

Ah yes.  The old associations with smoking can really kick our ass.  Self-talk about the good 'ole days (in such a colorful positive way too) can do us in.  We all get it and have been there.  It's a part of the Stay Quit process or stomping out of old associations with smoking.  Good recognizing why you are having such a strong pull to the old behavior (smoking at campsite where you previously started smoking again) and knowing that what you are telling yourself (how great smoking was & could be again) is BS.

 

Your rational mind KNOWS that having one would ABSOLUTELY lead to another one and then another one and then welcome to being a smoker again.   Was being a smoker all positive?  Think instead of the negatives and there are plenty of them.  Why did you want to quit smoking?  Has those reasons changed?  Focus on the negatives and kick the positive stuff you are telling yourself about smoking out of your mind (again & again & again; whatever it takes).   Do you have cigarettes with you now?  Get rid of them if you do and don't get any more (don't buy 'em, or ask for one from anyone).  You've been quit for 3 months.  Is 3 months the "usual" milestone when you've started back to smoking?  Might be another reason for the strong trigger(s) right now.  

 

Being in the situation right now can feel like just one big unending trigger but they really don't last a long time.  They are just coming at you one after another in a "loop" pattern in your brain which is where they will stay with your self-talk (which you and only you can change).  Change your behavior & thinking (again and again).  Learn new associations (we all have to!).  Don't escape being present for your kids to "sneak" one.  Would you really want to start over again (you know you will never be happy being a smoker again)? 

 

This is what we mean by the 'ole "merry-go-round".  What we tell ourselves matters.  Keep replacing the old smoking thoughts of it having any positives out of your mind (each & every time over & over again) and fill the void/replace those thoughts with new positive ones.  Mantras or cliches came in handy for me.  Do you have one or two that you can tell yourself that are meaningful to you?  You will not always have such strong triggers (give yourself the gift of time).  Think how awesome you will feel as a non-smoker when the camping trip is over!  Hopefully this long repetitive comment has served as a distraction for you too ! 

 

You know you can keep quit!  I know you can keep quit!  Choose it!

 

  

Edited yesterday at 11:56 AM by Minnie Mouse

[Pilgrim]

Thank you, Minnie Mouse. I think "amen" pretty much covers everything you said! I haven't considered any mantras, but that could be very helpful. I appreciate your thoughts and advice!

[QuittingGirl]

Please don't do it!  You will regret it!  I still have dreams that I am smoking and I am quit over 2 years. I am glad they are dreams and not reality!  You can do this Pilgrim!  What I did in the beginning was take cinnamon sticks and pretend I was smoking.  I would suck air through the hole and pretend to blow it out.  It helped me a lot and it tasted really nice.  If you don't like cinnamon, use cut up straws.  Just DON'T SMOKE!!! You can beat it!!

[DenaliBlues]

You can do this! Reclassify the cravings… just memories, just noisy commercials for s—t you’re not buying. Not commands. You choose now. Choose freedom!

 

[Doreensfree]

Do you really want to be back where you started … think of all the reasons you wanted to quit in the first place …

You want to  to Quit , otherwise you wouldn’t be here talking to us …

You have to fight your battles , before the war is finally won 

Stay close to the board , we will help you reach Freefom 

where’s that frying pan ?

Edited 9 hours ago by Doreensfree

[Reciprocity]

We're each in charge of controlling our own thoughts and reeling those bad thoughts in when necessary. No one other that you can do that for yourself and I'm sure you know that. It does help to come here and talk about our struggles though because there's so many others who have been through the same difficult times and they're always available to help ourselves get our thinking back on track.

 

You know what you have to do to keep on track and what you might do to derail it all. Stay the course @Pilgrim. You'll be better off in the long run and happier too!