So grateful for all of your thoughts and support.

I often say aloud, "I dont smoke."

Hope this emotional training kicks in and FEELS REAL.

My best smoking dream came at about three months. Someone in my dream asked me for a cigarette, "I don't have any, I don't smoke anymore". My subconscious was giving me some truth to accept. I was really happy about this dream after I woke up.

I was a few months in when someone asked did i have a light,

I said ...No i don't smoke..

I was on a high all day ..

I had never said that in over 50 years ..

Smoking is off the Table  Darcey 🐸

Made it ho.e today.

Extremely wobbly and almost turned around twice to get cigarettes. Despite that fact that I really didnt want one or that one sounded "good".

I remain seated on the train today.

@darcy that’s so hard and you did it, you’re doing it. I’m proud of u ❤️

Way to stick with your quit @darcy. You’ve got a good thing going here… it’s worth the climb.

 

@darcy you never have to do the first 2 -1/2 months of your quit again, if you dont want too. 

Way - To - Go Darcy...

Stay in your seat 🐸

Hello Fellow Quit Train Riders,

 

    This should be in the S.O.S. section.  

                                                   The support you offer is amazing.  Thanks for all you have given to me.

                          I understand that I will only make everything more difficult by smoking. 

                          I am hurting so badly that I just don't care.  

                                       Been in this space for going on 16 hours.  Sleep didn't help.  I get that it is a terrible choice and that things will change.    eventually.

                                                                   For the forseeable future I just need to feel as bad about myself as I do about the situations I am responding/REACTing to.....for whatever self punishment or loathing that demosnstrates.

 

To Brioksi and Molly....STAY SEATED....nothing is worth giving up your quit to live the life you desire.  Like Mac says, believe in yourself.

 

All the strength you need is already inside you.  You can take care of yourself in your situation.

Darcy ..

Re read ..and watch the videos 

Its that dam monster playing with your head ..

Ive yet to see soneone replase  and not regret keeping hold of thier quit 

The only way to win is fight ..

Buy some jigsaws ..learn to knit ,

Something that will keep your mind and fingers busy ..

Stay close !!

 

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like that Darcy…those little stupid sticks don’t have control..you have control..even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.  I totally get what you’re feeling…we’re almost two and you almost three (!!) months in and still having these thoughts, it sucks!! Deep breaths lovie you’re ok. 

6 hours ago, darcy said:

 

To Brioksi and Molly....STAY SEATED....nothing is worth giving up your quit to live the life you desire.  Like Mac says, believe in yourself.

 

I hope you're taking your own great advice Darcy. Just keep reminding yourself that you do not want to go through this again and again. Once is enough and then its over. 

I'm telling you this as someone who had a miserable first year! I wish I had my posts from that first year but they were lost and could have shown you that perseverance pays off!

You can do it, xoxo

Edited April 12, 20233 yr by jillar

@darcyI know how bad it is right now for you but you can do it.  I was seriously hating life for 8 to 10 months I think.  I couldn't understand why it kept getting worse when it should have been getting better.  Everything you are feeling is real but it will pass.  you are being reborn as a nonsmoker and these are the labor pains.  Love yourself enough to see it through.  you won't regret it

How you getting along Darcy..🐸

Thanks for all your support and kindness.

Left my seat and will be rejoining .... will let you know when I'm reseated.

Appreciate greatly that I will be welcomed back.

1 hour ago, darcy said:

Thanks for all your support and kindness.

Left my seat and will be rejoining .... will let you know when I'm reseated.

Appreciate greatly that I will be welcomed back.

The Easy Way by Alan Carr really helped me. 

 

https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Smoking-Without-Willpower/dp/178404542X/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?crid=3UYSKKCK79PVI&keywords=the+easy+way+to+stop+smoking+by+allen+carr&qid=1681512342&sprefix=The+Easy+Wa%2Caps%2C145&sr=8-2-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzOVJVQUo1NzZYNklYJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMzk0MzcxSUVONzhZRVQ1NDQ2JmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTAyNTM5NjI2RUZXN1BEWEM2NEYmd2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGYmYWN0aW9uPWNsaWNrUmVkaXJlY3QmZG9Ob3RMb2dDbGljaz10cnVl

Edited April 14, 20233 yr by overcome

1 hour ago, darcy said:

Thanks for all your support and kindness.

Left my seat and will be rejoining .... will let you know when I'm reseated.

Appreciate greatly that I will be welcomed back.

 

Yes, you will be welcomed back.

 

But, you can do this.  The quit and relapse cycle is a horrible one (I went through it for a long time before quitting for good) and it is torture.  It is tough early on but sticking with it and fighting through it does pay off in the long run. 

 

Smoking does nothing positive for you at all, it is all negative. 

 

I hope to see you back.  Quitting is worth the early struggles.

Edited April 14, 20233 yr by johnny5

Sorry Darcy that sucks 😞 what do u think was the straw that broke the camels back?

 

You’ll always be welcomed back ❤️

8 hours ago, darcy said:

Thanks for all your support and kindness.

Left my seat and will be rejoining .... will let you know when I'm reseated.

Appreciate greatly that I will be welcomed back.

While this setback is still fresh in your mind, Darcy, I wanted to share a few (kind, non-judgmental) thoughts.  Specifically, after serious attempts to quit like this one, I'm pretty convinced that it's impossible to smoke in "normal" unreflective ways again:  you've distanced yourself from the denial that accompanies active addiction, and you're even more aware of the damage that each cigarette is doing to you.  This uneasiness is ultimately a good (though certainly not pleasant) thing, especially if you leverage it to get back to the crucial, life-affirming work of becoming and remaining smokefree as soon as possible.  At least for me, my initial unsuccessful attempts demanded that I confront the fundamental question of whether I could/wanted to see myself as a smoker for the rest of my life.  And, despite my addiction, I simply could not imagine a lifetime of smoking and realized, ultimately, that I just had to start again--this time with a frightening but courageous commitment that no matter how crappy I felt and for however long, I would stay smokefree.  I know that you can do something similar, and in the process that disappointment (and even self-loathing) you're experiencing now will become a a kind of transformative pride that will shape your future in extraordinary ways. 

 

Join us again sooner rather than later, friend--we know you can do this. 

 

Christian99

21+ Years Quit 

Aww Darcy ..sad reading ..

If you have read all you can here ,watched all the Joel video s ..

Will smoking ever feel the same ..?

Hopefully you have enough knowledge to just jump back on the train .if you haven't read Allen Carr the easy way to quit smoking i strongly recommended this book,it sure opened my eyes ..

I hoping as soon as you inhaled that crap you wished you still had that great quit ..

Jump back on ...it may save your life Sweetie x

Hello Fabulous Quitters,

 

I am seated again.  It has been over 24 hours smoke free at this point.  10:57a.m. 4/16/2023 (for when I do feel I can make a ticker , again.)

I won't be making a ticker for awhile, as I don't trust myself to remain quit.

 

I REALLY profoundly appreciate the support and words and perspectives on this forum.   I am not sure I will EVER BE FREE permanently.  I seem to have brief success then  (here's the straw, Brioski) encounter some deeply painful event and choose to hurt myself.   Sad and deeply disturbing on many levels , yet,  I am used to BEing who I am. 

 

In my best version of me, I feel confident and able.  In my cynical and defeated version, I feel nothing and just want to keep feeling nothing.

 

Yes, read and re-read.  Always an opportunity to see from another perspective or from where you stand in the moment. 

Thought lots about why I did not post my feelings of wobble ON the S.O.S. board....  keep telling myself that I wasn't (literallly) in a place to stay on the board. 

 

Falling all over myself in gratitude that this train is open no matter how many times you get off.   Though it has me crying to realize that if I'd stuck with it the first time I sat down it'd be close to a decade free. Here I am, day 2, again.

 

Never quit quitting, right, Fighting for my life here, really....though some how some where I get the message I am not worth it.   Trying to record over that playing in my head.   TMI

Hope I can ride along in peace.

 

 

 

Welcome back Darcy..

You can do it ,you just need to have the desire to be free ..

You sound like your doing the Hokey Kokey ,half in and half out ..just like all  my  of my past failures 

You need to put your whole self in .

 💯..

Make that promise ,and never smoke again ..no matter what ..

Have you read the 3 documentries here ..it was a light bulb moment for me .

Seeing how hard the Tabacco companies work to make sure we stay hooked ,i promised tbey wouldnt get another penny of my money ..

Upwards and onwards !!

26 minutes ago, darcy said:

.though some how some where I get the message I am not worth it. 

Thats the addiction knowing how to cause you to relapse Darcy. You have to be bigger than the addiction for a while. After some time it gets much easier but you haven't allowed your stronger self to get to that point. 

I'm glad you're back seated again but by the sound of your post you're already expecting a relapse and that's all our addiction needs to know to rear its ugly head and drag us back in.

Use your tools, use your air cigarette, really it works! Lets get this done once and for all!!!  

I agree w the others, especially Jill… it’s totally the addiction knowing it can win u over w those thoughts. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally new to this staying quit thing and who knows maybe it’ll pull me back in too (hopefully not and I’m not leaning that way lol). So maybe I’m not the person to listen to or trust. But I’m saying it doesn’t make u lesser a strong, good person.  I’ve learned those thoughts of being cynical and the way you feel are going to be there whether we smoke or not. I totally thought to myself it’s totally not a good time for me to quit bc my dad passed, had two miscarriages, my dog died, got covid, was hospitalized, and quit my job after 9 years..it was too much…but staying smoking is not gonna change any of that, so why not just try to stay quit as long as I can….like really try. And if it doesn’t work out, ok I’ll try again, but at least I gave it a Girl Scouts try.  Idk what I’m saying it sounds like gibberish to me now lol.  
I just had a (nother) panic attack (who tf knows why lol), where I couldn’t breathe, went for a drive, took my anxiety med, and now I’m home…..2 months ago I couldn’t imagine not having a cig after that ordeal. Now, I use the air cig, candy, tiktok, my dog, something else for the time being.  But believe me I still have a ways to go w self stuff too. 
Anyway, so glad you’re back on the train…let’s find a good cabin and relax 🥰