Indi, you weren't the only one out there although mental health is a different chapter: we must face reality smoking never helps or adds a good thing it shifts your problem. I only got worse and c*t after smoking so got myself on my feet. Where I am now. Don't keep beating yourself up. Yea, it was an excuse, you caved; girl learn from it. Fin good help, needed meds, talks, pm me if needed. YOU can do this and you're no rare depessed sad puppy hun, caz I m too sometimes and then I tuen into an bad wolf...ok. REACH out; anyone with Mental health issues, to your spouse, if you're afraid to post pm me I've seen it pretty much all :( don't wander alone nd STICK WITH NOPE You kick ass Indi, you are strong girl you dunno it yet but you are So kick some nicotines ass!!!! (((hugs))