Kate18

NOPE

New day, same NOPE

On February 21st, 2020, when I realized there was a pandemic under way, I quit. I was sure I'd stay quit, at least, until the pandemic was past. I hoped I'd stay quit after that, but it was "hope," not, "I'm sure." The day I became certain this is a life-long change was recent, May 29, 2020. That was the day I purchased my first shares of stock. That was a high I'll never forget. When the pandemic is behind us, I'll still have my new hobby to enjoy. If I smoked, there'd be no hobby.

A beacon of hope

Reading online this morning about the complexities of my new hobby. I'm craving nicotine and the thought that, "I want a cigarette" came to mind. Then I re-centered myself by thinking of how much money I'd have had for my new hobby if I hadn't spent so much money on my last hobby --smoking. My new hobby is stock investing. I'm learning about stocks and company valuations from Buffet Books, free online tutorials. Also reading Seeking Alpha, Motley Fool, and others. Having the extra dollars to invest is a great weight on the side of the teeter totter of non-smoking vs smoking. Keeps non-smoking behavior grounded. I'm a bit annoyed that I keep having to tick off the reasons I'm staying a nonsmoker. Will welcome the future days when it isn't an effort to stay nicotine-free. But very grateful to have finally crossed over three months. Funny, I remember hitting one-month; don't remember when I'd crossed over two months. It's as though I skipped two and jumped straight to three.

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I found this map early on, must have been soon after it was first published. There wasn't even a red dot on the USA map. I knew what would happen, though--was pretty sure that it would spread across the country. That's what got me to quit smoking and is keeping me nicotine-free. I quit on Feb 21st. If my memory is accurate, the following week the first red dot appeared on the USA map, just 18 miles north of where I live and work. It was surreal to see the first event in the US marked so close to home. I used to work in an infectious disease clinic in a prominent medical center (I coordinated continuing medical education programs), and a looming pandemic was a frequent topic of conversation. I attended a presentation about it and saw the mapped model of how contagion would spread across the globe. It was just like what I've watched on the Johns Hopkins map over the past few months. Eerie. There were many more deaths projected by the lecturer than what we've had so far, but his projections didn't factor in the social distancing, masks, economic shutdown, etc, that have been implemented. And, of course, the pandemic has really just begun to build up steam. Based on what I saw presented, and recognizing that countries have to reopen economically, until we get a vaccine and most people are vaccinated, I think that there will be many millions of deaths worldwide. Here in the States, I am expecting several hundred thousand deaths before widespread vaccination can be achieved. Given my age, smoking history, and constant risk of exposure from my job as a grocery store cashier, I'll probably get it and am at med-high risk of death. Definitely not going to start smoking again!

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Welcome!

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QT has become my stop for working through the stronger cravings. I pick posts that catch my attention and am often amused at how what I am reading is just what I needed to think about. Thanks to the moderators and others with a commitment to helping those of us who are trying to follow your example of living nonsmoking lives. Clean-air-breathing lives. Just reading my way through another craving. Decided to post a "thanks" this time.

When focus is on how this is possible, instead of why is it so difficult, then it gets easier. At least, that's how I'm managing through the cravings. I was a serial relapser and absented myself from the forum numerous times. But I kept reading the wisdom of people who try to help us quit, and one day I figured out a big enough "why?" that has made quitting possible. I believe that pressing ahead eventually leads to the motivation to make a quit stick. Half the battle is showing up. Looks as though this is you, showing up. Best of luck,

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1,738 and counting, toss 'em on and watch 'em burn I"m even happier about the money I've saved

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I've been using my Samsung android to WhatsApp with my son on occasion. It's so small. I was thinking that a larger picture would make it seem more life-like. My son and I are most recently talking about what a great time it is to be getting into stocks. We're beginning to investigate which ones look promising. I'm think that agricultural innovations may be good. Anyway, he and I are going to be having meetings (he is in New Jersey and I am in Seattle). I miss him. I miss my daughter and granddaughter. Texting just isn't a substitute. I didn't realize I was feeling lonely until today. It's been building up without my realizing it. I think that that is the true problem, the emotion that I was looking at cigarettes to solve. Wouldn't have worked.

I really gotta find an outlet, a release, for the stress living and working around this virus is causing me. I've heard people blog. I've nothing unique or innovative to say in a blog. But clearly, hard cider isn't solving the problem, since it's led to "wobbling" toward smoking. I ate myself out of stress into eight pounds of fat that I now have to lose again. If I were smoking, I'd still be slim-ish. I hate to spend the money, but maybe I'll buy a computer screen that has a camera so that I can video with my children and friends. But Doreen's right, I have to drop the alcohol. Too bad, it was lovely. Yes, I'll KTQ

And, you're never late.

LOL I'll steer clear of alcohol after today. Very good advice. And I like your use of the word "wobble," it's less emotionally charged than "craving," and I may use it in the future if I hit a rough spot. Thanks