Kate18

I was 99% sure I was going to smoke. I wanted to smoke. (Still do) I didn't want to post an SOS, but guess I've been on the board long enough to know that when on the edge, ya just have to go through the process of posting to give a chance for someone else to knock sense into you. I appreciate your time and Mona's. Maybe part of the problem is the social isolation that goes with the virus. I live alone (my dog would take offense), and have to constantly keep alert to distance from people at work. I've not seen my friends in months. I'm not a texter or facetimer or facebook. I've only seen my daughter once in months, and that was at a distance. Thanks, guys. I'm in the clear, now.

Thank you, Johnny and Mona. I'm ok now. I'm going to go take a relax on my bed because, though the strong desire to get cigarettes is somewhat lessened, I'm less likely to go outside if I'm comfortable on my bed with my dog next to me.

Thank you, Mona, your're right, quitting is hard. I've stopped and started so many times. I'm relaxing out of the craving finally, I think. Unless it resurges . That was a bad one. Nearly "fatal." I appreciate your responding.

That is a wise quote, and your comment, to separate external issues from quitting. I'm beginning to settle more to the side of not going out and buying cigarettes. Thank you Our county is about to go to mandatory masks when in enclosed public spaces, i.e., buildings. One of my frequent customers is a doctor at a local hospital. He said that his colleagues at the medical center are preparing for a surge of case in September and October that will make what we are going through right now look rather insignificant. I am dreading Autumn. Must be the hard cider making me melodramatic. I read for approximately three hours daily about the virus in every corner of the world, and read the medical literature on The Lancet (a medical journal) for news about treatments. Maybe being intoxicated has knocked down my psychological defenses that kept what I was reading from being personal about me and my family. I'm still wanting to smoke. And I'm still sitting in my chair, not walking out the door with my wallet.

You're right, it is almost three months. Amazing. I didn't think I could get this far. Thanks for weighing in, by the way. I appreciate the company

While I'm waiting to see if anyone is around, I read the top post on this forum for responding to your own SOS. I posted a reply to that one, myself. I've copy/pasted it below. Honestly, I still want to smoke. "Posted December 14, 2018 Spoiler alert: There is nothing redeeming or interesting in the following. Note to self: recognizing you want to smoke, but think how cold and miserable it would be to get into the car in order to go to a gas station to give over hard-earned money for the privilege of making myself sick and putting a new swimming pool in the acreage of some tobacco ceo's mansion. May then rot in hades with karma for company. Remembering to H.A.L.T. I'm not hungry, but I'm craving something sweet. Solution: make a couple of pancakes and eat with maple syrup. Sigh. Weight gain. Angry. Not angry. Annoyed covers it. Lonesome. Sofia is here to keep me company. Maybe she wants a walk. Doubtful. She likes to go to sleep at 7:00 pm. But she peed on the carpet last night, so I'll take her out for a minute. T. Tired. Yes. It's 11 pm and I prefer to go to sleep by 8 pm. Got caught up in watching Criminal Minds on Netflix. In the first episode I watched tonight, there were people smoking. I was watching and thinking about smoking. I can skip Hungry, push through Annoyed, walk with Sofia, then go to bed. That'll cover the four bases. And I'll avoid gaining another pound of weight. "Every day in every way I am getting further and further from that last cigarette. I really don't want to trash another quit attempt. Tomorrow is a danger day. It's my day off. Day four. Last time I went this long, I was housesitting. The owner was a smoker and left a half pack of a yucky brand on the table. I called or emailed and asked permission to discard them. He said yes. I took them out and put them in the trash. The trash was collected that morning, and when I went outside to fetch the trash bin from the curb, the cigarettes were sitting on top of the lid of the emptied can. It was too much. I snapped. That was at least two, maybe three years ago. Yes, day four was a bad day. Tomorrow is a new day four. In the morning, I'll plan carefully. And I'll probably ramble on posts. Sorry about that. I can be verbose. It's just thinking out loud. Just wrote "danger day" across December 15th. It'll remind me that I have to stay mindful, rational, and do the HALT quiz if I feel weak.

I'm a bit intoxicated. I never drink, but for the past two weeks, the stress of working with the public and the fear of the virus for my pregnant daughter has been mounting. For almost two weeks, I've been getting hard cider to have in the evening to chill out better before sleeping. It's seemed to help. Then today, I came across a higher alcohol content cider, and now I'm tipsy. I've been practicing meditation each evening. Been doing a lot of stretching with measured breathing. I just want to smoke. I want to sit quietly on my patio with this can of hard cider (high alcohol content), and smoke. I'm saying to myself that it wouldn't matter to anyone, but what we do affects other people. If I break my NOPE pledge and have to reset my ticker, it wouldn't just affect me, it might affect someone else close to lapsing. Nonetheless, I want to smoke. I feel a need to break the tension, get it over with, and just smoke. I'm so tired of masks. So tired of constantly sanitizing my environment at work. So tired of wondering whether the sore throat, runny nose, sneezing, and headaches I feel are allergy or the virus. I'm just tired. Would really like some company right now. Kinda teary. Definitely on the brink of walking to the convenience store and buying cigarettes.

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I am watching YouTube videos this morning on combating procrastination, which has led to videos on happiness and meditation (I'm procrastinating vacuuming, doing laundry, and cleaning the kitchen). Here is a Forbes article that I came across about mindfulness meditation. Below is a copy-paste of a paragraph relating to quitting smoking: "Meditation Can Help with Addiction A growing number of studies has shown that, given its effects on the self-control regions of the brain, meditation can be very effective in helping people recover from various types of addiction. One study, for example, pitted mindfulness training against the American Lung Association's freedom from smoking (FFS) program, and found that people who learned mindfulness were many times more likely to have quit smoking by the end of the training, and at 17 weeks follow-up, than those in the conventional treatment. This may be because meditation helps people “decouple” the state of craving from the act of smoking, so the one doesn’t always have to lead to the other, but rather you fully experience and ride out the “wave” of craving, until it passes. Other research has found that mindfulness training, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT), and mindfulness-based relapse prevention (MBRP) can be helpful in treating other forms of addiction." https://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2015/02/09/7-ways-meditation-can-actually-change-the-brain/#2e1e479d1465 And now, back to finding more videos to help me procrastinate doing housework.

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It sounds as though you are making progress, Amer, even if it is not as rapid as you would want. You are taking action, taking responsibility, and that is the foundation of any success.

Congratulations, Steve. Six months is a really great achievement!

Congratulations, Mac!

That is so great, AK. It's awesome to see the days add up, they just keep adding up and your body keeps getting healthier.

That is wonderful! Congratulations!

How are you doing this week, Amer?

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Amer, have you considered food intolerances? I work in a grocery store that stocks a lot of foods for people who are intolerant to a number of foods. We have many gluten-free and dairy-free foods. Some of what you describe is similar to what a few of them have shared. Perhaps ask your medical care provider about the wisdom of doing an elimination diet to see of there is a food or category of foods that are causing your gastrointestinal upset. You mentioned taking over-the-counter meds--they can cause problems of their own if taken over long periods of time. When people are depressed, their posture and breathing change (voice of experience). If it's comfortable for you, holding a proper posture and some gentle, deep breathing may help. Good luck. I'm sure there is a solution for you.

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