Still winning

Middle class jolly's http://www.buzzfeed.com/floperry/quinoa-sourdough?bffb&utm_term=4ldqphz#1g5jnk0

I don't remember this being an issue so wondering if I just ate what was on my plate? Could you put a good sized amount on your plate and just stop when it's eaten? Or do you get up and refill? If you're doing the refill thing tell yourself you can eat again in half hour if you're still hungry as by then your body will catch up. xx

English 1st world problems...lost biscuit in a brew

pmsl!! Brilliance :)

Got bored :) Look out for a loud, London accented brunette... You may hear me before you see me cause I'm a bit quiet....

nope

It only rained 3 times today and dried some washing :) Storms are brewing like Doreen and Sue said. Probs hyping it up again. Last storms with potential gale force winds was pants and the barely anything moved!

Soooo excited I could add something almost crafty :) Cause a girl needs some bling!

Oops, didn't even mean that to be sad, sorry! I am hopeful in a way that being a smoker is no longer acceptable, so many people I know have quit. Even the smokers are trying to quit and that can absolutely end in a win - so I'm quietly hopeful we are going the right way as a country. Sorry to hear your sis in law is still struggling. Don't lose hope though. Never say never and all.... :)

Did we change direction, what's going on?? Brain freeze!!

I have been sitting wondering why, why did I become a smoker and how. The word that has sprung to mind all through my quit is insidious! I never "meant" to be a smoker. I didn't "choose" it and yet I ended up at an average of 2 packs per day by age 38, from a first cigarette starting point of age 9. Age 9, I stole a cig from my mums packet. I don't even remember why. My parents were still together, home life was suspicious but I don't know why I did it. I took it to the shed, took some puffs and it was terrible! I remember deep wracking coughs and extreme dizziness. I put it out and went back to that same cig, relighting it on and off. Occassionally stealing the next one but nothing consistent. By age 12 I was smoking one a day. After school in my bedroom (the whole house always reeked of smoke from my Mum). We had not long returned from living abroad, I had not smoked in Australia for the 6 months. I think I can pinpoint THIS as the time I became addicted. I had heard from my parents that they "needed" a cig, I associated it with being a grown up and stress relief. My parents had split whilst we were abroad. I now understand my dopamine pathways were reliant on nicotine to reset it's flight or flight path. While I was still a baby really, my brain had started to build in smoking as a coping mechanism, I had bought into the hype at such a tender age. Even on that one a day I could feel the difference if I was late home to smoke. Age 13 I dated a guy who smoked. I was a malboro red smoker. They still made me cough. Every time we would meet up I would smoke between 5 and 10 in a day. At some point of this year I started to take my cigs into school and smoke in the breaks, I did this alone, none of my school friends smoked! Let's be clear here, my addiction was fully fledged now. I honestly didn't realize or have any knowledge of nicotine as an addiction. Most of the adults in my life smoked, except my Dad who had quit. They all knew I smoked, no one tried to stop me or explain any bad things that could happen. By now my brain would have needed nicotine anyway. That relief sensation that I believed was given by nicotine was simply my pathways receiving the nicotine they had been trained to believe they needed now. My whole brain had re-wired itself to dispose of the chemicals and nicotine. I started a little baby cough. Especially if I laughed and on waking. Age 15 I moved school. Fell in with other smokers/kids who skipped school and it spiraled from there. I still did well enough at school despite often being out and about. Smoking was socially acceptable, the only person not smoking was my Dad and he had started to whinge. I believed I chose to smoke, after all I never did anything I didn't want to! Age 24 I needed to quit. I wanted to buy a house and my then fella quit. He told me he didn't expect me to be able to quit - pfft - I quit because I insisted on proving I could if I wanted. Man that was hard!! Started to educate myself on the damage I had done from a similar type of forum but internet was still pretty new and they cancelled the server at work before my quit had "set". We split up a year later, 6 months from my wedding date. It was a shock! I went to buy cigs to light in front of the wardrobe that held his clothes. I got an ashtray (I kept for visitors) lit the cig without inhaling and set it in the ashtray with the wardrobe doors open and sat beside it to wait for the smell to get strong, the smell took me over and I picked it up and smoked it whilst blowing the smoke onto the clothes. This is the story I have always told myself but now I will re-write it! I did not have a 364 day quit, I had simply abstained! The act of buying cigs would be enough now to have me screaming "junkie thinking" and of course deep down I know I would always have smoked that cigarette. In truth, that quit related to being with someone and from the moment that changed I took myself on a misguided path back to being a smoker. That lasted 14 years! Age 39 So today I have a 7 month quit. I wonder why I get thought associations at times but still feel cautiously (eternal vigilance) safe in my quit. So today I understand that I chose this quit for me and my girls. I chose for the girls first off but at some point that changed to me. I don't miss anything about smoking, even when my addicted now re-wired brain tells me I could or should be a smoker in this scenario. I fully understand my addiction could be re-awakened if I were ever crazy enough to pick up and inhale or use nicotine again in any format and I choose not to do that. I can never completely undo the damage I did. That is my penance for stupidity and lack of education but it is no excuse from now and hasn't been for some time. I will protect my brain by understanding the associations and why they happen and my body will be protected by a nope philosophy that I will need to engage for my whole life. Thank you brain for trying so desperately to cope and rewire to enable the damage but we are ok to move on now, when you're ready.

Massive congrats Joe!! 11 months is all kinds of fabulous and I super chuffed for you. Hope you have a fantabulous time on your holidays too. Well earnt. xx

Can't vote, no "computer illerate, the chance would be a fine thing" option :)

Pleased to see you are on the holiday thoughts too Humbled :)

nope

4 days, 4 hours and some minutes till I leave the tarmac on my BA flight from Gatwick. I got the cases down yesterday... They are still empty... Last minute Larry :)

I know that as a diet plan!!

Hi Tom, Thanks for your thoughts. For sure they are not the only, or even maybe key reasons I quit - they were just "the last" ones on a list that weighed the scales in the favour of quitting. Yes, perhaps before I go it might be wise to secure where the quit finances are going next. I was kinda thinking out loud in a way :) Will go and see where your topic took you. x

They are not triggers, nor craves. My quit is secure and my resolve is strong, or at least I believe it is. However, there are some strange thought associations going on for me. Two of my "quit reasons" were a reiki course and a florida holiday. The holiday is 5 days away and paid for now, my practioner level reiki course was today. My "reasons" to quit are finished and yet not finished and in honesty it's an odd feeling. Life has been throwing some stressors of late, maybe it's that? It's certainly nothing like quitting was, I feelI'm well past all the nasty thinking and batting back etc...but these thoughts are roaming around my head, I close them down and they pop up again. It's odd? Just recording it really. Strange sensation of my purpose to quit is done, but it's not. I can now be a channel to heal people and I do that through my hands...which if I smoked would smell! Or at least that was my thought when I quit, but it still would. Hmmm, odd times but I do feel fine and ok in my quit, just random thoughts?

Thank you my friend. Sometimes you just need to read these things. x

It's not the strong that survive this, it's the vigilant. The vigilant survive. Guard the quit always. ^^^^ This statement by this man helped my quit. It sustained me when I felt weak. I really do miss Markus despite being delighted he is living life.

There are countless people, all on these boards who supported me. Of course I made the choice myself and prompted to try by my daughter - but I have to say 3 stand out. All the way through, from my first post, to my cries for help and it was Nancy, Action and without a shadow of a doubt my quit buddy El B. The 3 times I would have failed and fallen off the wagon in epic stylee it's the thought of telling him that stopped me, when my resolve was weak! I definately owe a debt of gratitute to many people here and myself for allowing a self belief :)

Aw thank you!

NOPE gave me something to hang onto when I doubted my own strength to quit. It was simple and direct in it's message and I did cling to it like a lifeline. The Ever part gave me some problems so I would add just for today on the end. I replaced morning smoking with a NOPE and posting on the forum initially. As said above some nights when it was a struggle I would wait up to post so I tied myself to not smoking that day. In the early days I used the "Nope shuffle" where you switch from foot to foot repeating nope in your head. Later I would walk and repeat it in my head when the thoughts crowded me. I think it was important to have something I could turn to in any place I happened to be. I still pledge every day and I believe I wouldn't smoke anyway but it makes me accountable and I like that.

I was definately "foggy" for a little while, I had real trouble concentrating, but not dizzy... So it depends what type of lightheaded I think. If you feel dizzy and a blast of fresh air and some deep breathing doesn't fix it I'd be concerned that you were coming down with an illness...any lurgi going around at work or home?