August 30Aug 30 A lawyer was involved in a terrible car crash, the rescuers pulled him out of the wreck but he was ranting about his vehicle! “My Car!!!! Look at my car! That was a limited edition Lamborghini!!!!”The Rescuer shook his head, taking in his suit and briefcase that he saw earlier, realising what he did for a living.“Man, you Lawyers are all the same, so materialistic! You don’t even realise your left arm’s been ripped off in the crash”The lawyer glanced down at his now missing arm and screamed: “My Rolex!!!!! Where’s my Rolex!!!!!|”
August 31Aug 31 Husband and his wife started dieting aweek ago. The wife suggested they should have acheat day today. She went out and brought homeMcDonald's and KFC wings. The husband brought home hissecretary. Hospital visiting hours are the same asusual: 9 AM to 9 PM.
Monday at 01:00 AM3 days Don’t feel to old now…..If you can’t remember them, we have a problem we need to discuss
20 hours ago20 hr A man goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulls out a needle to give him a shot of local anesthetic, but he says, “No way! I hate needles!” So she starts to hook up the nitrous oxide mask, and he says, “I can’t do that either. The thought of having the mask on suffocates me!” The dentist then asks the man if he has any objection to taking a pill. “No,” he says, “I’m fine with pills.”She returns with two blue pills. “What are those?” he asks.“Vi agra,” she replies.He says, “Wow! I didn’t know Vi agra works as a painkiller!”“It doesn’t,” said the dentist, “but it’ll give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.”
18 hours ago18 hr A young boy sitting with his grandfather says, "Granddad, tell me about the war." The grandfather says, "Well, when I first went in the army they were training me to be a paratrooper and my jump instructor was great big black sergeant with a bad attitude. Now I've always been afraid of heights and I was deathly afraid of having to jump out of an airplane. So the on our first training mission when it came my turn to jump I just couldn't bring myself to step out the door of the plane. The sergeant got mad at me, pulled down his pants and screamed, "Recruit, if you don't jump right now I'm gonna shove this big black **** right up your ass!!"The little boy, now wide eyed, said, "Gee, grandpa. Did you jump?"The grandfather replied, "Yeah, but only a little at first."
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