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Know any funny jokes or quotes ..

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A group of women from  Brisbane, Australia were at a seminar on how to 
 
live in a loving relationship with their husbands. 

The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" 
All the women raised their hands. 

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband 
you loved him?" 
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't 
remember. 
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their 
husband - "I love you, Sweetheart" 
Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and 
read aloud the text message they received in response to their 
message. 

Below are 11 hilarious replies. 

If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these 
replies are a sign of true love. 

Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way? 

1. Who the hell is this? 
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what? 
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong? 
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again? 
5. I don't understand what you mean. 
6. What the hell did you do now? 
7 Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need. 
8. Am I dreaming? 
9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will 
die. 
10 I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. 

(My personal favourite!) 

11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she.

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11.  My favorite, I hate to tell you but my poor husband is next to my mother in the china cabinet.  There is no escape.  I tried to tell him this for 30 years and he would not listen.

A man who just died is taken to the local mortuary. He is wearing an very expensive and high quality tailored blue suit.

 

The mortician is a blonde female and she asks the wife of the deceased man wife how she would like the body to be dressed.

The motician says that the man does look very distinguished in the blue suit he is already wearing.

His widow, however, says that she always preferred her husband in black, and that she would like him in a black suit.

She gives the Blonde mortician a signed, blank cheque and says, ‘Spend whatever you need no matter what the cost, but please have my husband in a well tailored black suit for the viewing.’

The woman returns the next day for the viewing and to her delight, her husband dressed in a fabulous black suit. The suit fits him as if it were tailor made.

She says to the mortician, ‘You have done a magnificent job and I’m very pleased and grateful. How much did the suit cost?’

To her amazement, the blonde mortician gives her back the blank cheque.

‘There’s no charge,’ she says.

‘No, really, I must repay you for the cost of that exquisite black suit!’ she says.

‘Honestly, ma’am,’ the blonde says, ‘it cost me nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in yesterday shortly after you left, he was dressed in a very attractive black suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a beautifully tailored blue suit instead, and she said it did not make any difference as long as he looked good…

So I just swapped their heads.’

It's always the dumbest memes that really get me...

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I mean...it's not really funny.

 

However, you do have to ask do the producers at CNN just have terrible timing or is the air raid being sponsored by Applebee's?

 

All apply to me except 7 and 12. Number 4 only for a couple of days following number 2. (no pun intended)

She wanted something expensive.

 

He delivered.

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