January 20, 20215 yr Author A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”
January 21, 20215 yr A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads, "Cheese Sandwich: $1.50; Chicken Sandwich: $2.50; Hand Job: $10.00." Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?" "I was wondering," whispers the man, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs, "I am." The man replies, "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
January 21, 20215 yr Author My wife left me because she said I was obsessed with plants... I asked her, "Where's this stemming from petal?"
January 22, 20215 yr Bubba and Earl go to the horse races. Bubba excitedly tells Earl: "Earl you know my lucky number has always been seven! My birthday is 7/7/57! I got married in 1977! Seven has always been lucky for me! Look here, in the seventh race, running in the seventh lane, is a horse named Old Number 7...I'm betting it all on Old Number 7 to win! The horse finished in seventh place.
January 24, 20215 yr 5 minutes ago, Cbdave said: Gday I saw a couple of design shows on tv do that and thought the same thing!
January 24, 20215 yr Funny Joke A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!" His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
January 26, 20215 yr I went into the grocery store and started saying hello to all the different spices. The manager came up and asked me what I was doing and I said "I'm just saying my seasonings greetings" ! 😂
January 29, 20215 yr Author Wasn't sure where to put this ,but I thought it was worth showing ... Addiction .....
February 5, 20215 yr A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha!" he says, "I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume, "I'm the bus driver!"
February 19, 20215 yr Stopped at a roadside stand the other day where there was a sign that read; "Lobster Tails $2.00". So I paid my $2.00 to the guy at the counter. Then a guy approaches me from behind a curtain and says; "Once upon a time, there was this lobster ......" 🤭 Edited February 19, 20215 yr by reciprocity
February 19, 20215 yr 13 hours ago, reciprocity said: Stopped at a roadside stand the other day where there was a sign that read; "Lobster Tails $2.00". So I paid my $2.00 to the guy at the counter. A man goes downtown and picks up a prostitute for $20. He goes back to the same street corner a couple of days later and yells at the hooker: YOU GAVE ME CRABS! The prostitute responds: What did you want for $20, lobster?
February 19, 20215 yr 1st Cruise Ship sets sail after Covid Edited February 19, 20215 yr by reciprocity
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