I am very tired. New job is great but still a stressor. My medical appt is tomorrow to, in my doctors words "determine if you do indeed have cancer" (not lung but im sure smoking-caused) I have a headache and a stomachache. And what do I desperately want?

 

Just One. Or Two.

 

I might have CANCER and I still want to smoke. My God.

I know all the reasons not to but still want to. I hate this. Wish Id never started. Angry that i want to and cant. Or shouldnt. Or something.

Yep, at 11 days the feeling of 'missing' smoking is going to be strong because it was your crutch for so long... So you feel alone without those cigarettes. This is completely normal, and exactly how we would expect you to feel. But don't give in, it is not worth it. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

How much stress am I expected to have? Honestly! But I know smoking wont help anything. And I know you can all relate to what I'm saying. I'm super strong one moment, and a pool of jelly on the floor crying, the next

Michelle at the moment everything is a trigger. The fact is most of us started smoking in our teen's. We have trained ourselves that we need a cigarette for pretty much everything. Stress, when we have finished a chore, even as a reward.

 

At the moment your brain is confused, it doesn't know what to do, it not so much you want a cigarette it is more that is what you use to do. Now you feel like there is something missing.

 

In time this will fade and i promise you it does get better, please don't start looking at a cigarette like a crutch, something that you need to handle stress because then you are giving it a purpose, the only thing smoking ever did for any of us is relive the withdrawals of the last cigarette we had. Nothing else. Hang in there x

Thank you so much. I am going straight home to bed. I am way sleep deprived.

 

Will check in when home safe

Thx action. I am having a followup test tomorrow to the test that showed something that could be cancer or could be a few other things. I vote for one of the other things, and vote that it wont take too long to get the results.

I know all the reasons not to but still want to. I hate this. Wish Id never started. Angry that i want to and cant. Or shouldnt. Or something.

Michelle, so sorry...but as others have said...this is normal at this point.  Good plan to go home and get some rest.  Praying for best news from doctor!

Michelle - we are all praying that everything is all okay.

 

My Dad smoked heavily and suddenly was diagnosed with cancer and passed away within like 9 months.  He was 57.  He said the pain started with a "pain in his gut."  The doctors determined it was adeno-carcinoma, which means that the don't know where it started, but it started affecting all his internal organs.  

I have always been so scared I have cancer from smoking.  Every time I have a little discomfort in my abdomen, I'm like, "Oh my God. I have cancer." 

 

Even recently (August), I went to the doctor.  I had them do a full pelvic exam.  I was having dull pain on my right side near my ovary.  I was so scared.  I asked them do every test.  They did a full pelvic exam - vaginal ultrasound - the whole bit!  Turned out my fibroids are returning (a whole other story), and I have low iron and Vitamin D. 

 

I was so scared.  I was thinking to post here to express my worry.  I didn't tell anyone - not my husband, Mom or best friend.  I just waited it out.  Figured I'd wait and panic like a bitch if it was bad news. 

 

My point is that we can't deal with what we know til we know.  Try not to worry, Sister, but if there is something to worry about, let us know.  We are all so here for you. 

Don't F-in smoke.  That was the point of my post. 

Michelle I'll be praying for you. You are strong you could have excused and light one by now but you didn't even though I'd understand still WHAT IF it's cancer the only thing YOU can DO

 

IS QUIT SMOKING

 

to not worsen things

 

Just wanted to hand you this thought sweety

 

(((comfort hugs)))

Here for you, just wanted to let you know

And stop the radio of 'whatifihave' or 'imgonnadieanyway' you just dunno yet and you can make yourself crazy or 'cut the crap and point smokey the door' and try to (i know VERY HARD) distraction, games but do stop making you're working towards a relapse and you can turn backnow YOU CAN!!! I know you can!!!

 

That fag will NOT make your wories away it willonly create a problem IF you have cancer you wanna quit again, then what? And if it's nothing and you smoke now you feel stupid for blowing it???

 

Remember how i beat myself up, you don't need yourself smoking and beating up too.

 

So NOT ONE PUFF EVER.

Cut the smoking excuses crap and end of discussion you CHOOSE not to smoke; you still have choice and you're rocking hard girl just don't panick and try to calm down, for now

 

(((hug)))

Hey Michelle. You are doing a great thing.

 

Well done.

 

Quitting smoking is ALWAYS the best course. There is absolutely no circumstance ever where having a cigarette is good. Not one. Ever.

 

Hoping that the Doc goes well for you.

 

You are doing a great thing. Great work!

Positive results tomorrow Michelle....

Smoking never made any situation better....stay strong....

Yeah we do get it...the I don't wanna smoke but I could smoke cause I'm really stressed....  This too will pass. That is the truest point ever given to me - feel shitty, it'll pass....feel fabulous....it'll pass! We are only ever supposed to experience the moment and move forward with new knowledge.

 

That aside, I'll be thinking of you at that appointment. Do me a favour if you can and message me after to let me know how you're doing. Sending strength and healing for whatever sent you to the docs. xx

This too shall pass.

Like Marti said: feel shitty, it'll pass...feel fabulous, it'll pass

Come here for support - a solid place to get some.

Keep us updated on health news.

Take care of yourself, be compassionate with yourself.

You're stronger than it all.

Michelle, please give us an update!

How are you, any results? Smokefree? (((BEAR HUGS))) your way

Petra wrote vagina ultrasound...hehe

 

Bat tried that with last girlfriend...

she had a big one...it was like a cave

with an echo...

so he yelled in it,

"Hi this is Bat" ...

echo came back "Go away"

Michelle how are you?