I would like to say I'm sorry to everyone I have ever offended on this forum. It seems I can't say anything without people assuming (wrongly) there is a malicious intent.

 

We're not all built to speak like Doreen or Mee. They are people who can say exactly the right thing at the right time. People feel their warmth and although I wish I could be like that I'm not.

 

My main purpose of being a member here was to quit smoking. I have managed that once and I am trying my best to keep this new quit. I find it comforting being around other quitters but not comfortable posting about my quit in case I fail again.

 

I want to share something very personal. I felt I didn't want to be in this world any more. Wherever I go people just can't warm to me and let's be honest - we all want to be liked by at least some people. I don't have friends and working from home was a godsend for me as I didn't have to go into work every day and feel the hurt of exclusion. 

 

I won't post again on the forum as I feel I do more damage than good. It's clearly upsetting for you and the responses aren't good for me.

 

The intention of this post is just to say don't always judge a book by it's cover. Some of us can't convey our thoughts in a way that is acceptable by society. We try but fail to make that important connection with other people.

 

Apologies again if I have ever upset you and I wish you all the very best with your quits x

Oh Lilley ,  I am so sorry for the difficulty and not trusting in yourself! The world is full of different people, different opinions, different personalities and if that was not true the world would be pretty boring. Don't be so hard on yourself. I have been where you are and felt that way at times about not fitting in.

I have upset people here I'm sure and I'm sure people have upset me. We are all here for one thing to support each other to beat the addiction from nicotine and freedom from it. So take care of yourself and I wish you the best on your not smoking journey. The most important thing for anyone ie self care.So please if you need help with that, reach out and get that for yourself you are worth it.

 

Kindness

One of the greatest gifts you

can bestow upon another someone is in need

lend them a helping hand do not wait for

A thank you  true kindness lies within the act

of giving  without expectations of something

in return

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lilley ...

I too stumble and don't always know the right thing to say ...

But one thing that I always try to abide too ...Say what you mean ...but don't be mean ....

It doesn't always work ....Myself and Mee are not perfect ...

You sound unhappy with your self ....

Look at your good Qualities ....you came here to quit ...and you have done that ...

You have rid yourself of the biggest killer addiction ....Shout it from the rooftops ...

Learn to praise yourself....because this is amazing ...

Step out of your comfort Zone ...come and talk to us ......baby steps ....

Some changes challenge us ....but the outcome is so worth it ...

You can ..if you want..have ..a Train full of friends ......🐸

 

 

You are hard on yourself and what you've shared is the first step to an even better time here on quit train now . Now people understand .  I am proud of you for sharing . 

I never posted my first year for the same reasons , fear of losing my quit . I'll add more later my battery is done but don't go please. 

K I'm not really awake yet so ... I'll share the best I can . 

I am very proud of you for sharing your story . That must have been hard but I'm so glad you did . 

 

I am sure it hurts when folks at your work don't include you in conversation . The more often that happens , it changes a person. Self esteem and self worth are shattered . In some cases worthlessness and anger .I'm so sorry your co workers treat you that way. Many work places have support counselling through work , perhaps it's something you could look into and ask your employer about and that might help you deal with that ? A win win ? You shouldn't feel happier to stay home working to avoid the hurt.  I'm sure it affects your quit as well .

 

You might relate to this . I'll share my friends story. 

It's kinda like sitting at a table full of family and friends and you try to take part in the conversation and words come out but no one hears them . They speak around you or over you like you aren't even there and never even make eye contact . 

 

Something like that I know can even hurt so much that there is transference of that pain on to others . Not intentional , it just happens . Our bodies and minds react to pain . 

To heal one must face the issue . It's like going to the Drs and complaining your leg is hurting but the source of the issue is the hip . Deal with the source and the leg gets better . 

 

I'm new here and I've already seen through your responses how much you care about others . We are all different and that's what's great about community. It takes a village to help and everyone has a part . It isn't about the best writer , the wisest words , the funniest person , none of us are perfect. I don't need the perfect words to see that you care . If you didn't care about people you wouldn't respond . One day someone will read your posts and they will be ever so thankful for your honesty . Maybe what you think are imperfect words made them feel they belonged here . Ya think ? 

 

You aren't alone ok . Thanks so much for being transparent and honest .. there are many in this world treated in this way . You opened the door for something that does need discussing . You are as important to this community and this world  as anyone . 

You understand things that others might not . You have purpose and value . You can help that person , the newcomer or that person in another work setting cause you will pick up on that  . You make a difference here and your story matters.  

 

It was my observation that my friend withdrew like a turtle in her shell to protect herself  from people seeing how much their disclusion hurt until she sought help .  I'm so glad she did . Don't go away and hide in your shell ok , please stay . It's not a race or competition or popularity contest . We aren't special but we are all unique and wonderfully made individuals . 

You said it don't judge a book by its cover , that's so true . Think about that .

 

Keep posting , you are doing great . Proud of you . 

Edited June 8, 20215 yr by Abby
. Removed one line I thought didn't sound appropriate . I couldn't find the word to express what it wanted and as usual trying to fix my mistakes sp , run on sentences etc lol .

Thank you for sharing this @Lilley I think it'll go a long way in our understanding why some of your posts come across the way they do.

We all have mean streaks in us, some just hide it better than others. You wouldn't believe how many posts I've written, some pretty lengthy, only to delete them because of how they would come across. 

Remember we can't hear your tone of voice when you post something so we have to interpret what you mean by the words you write. There's a big difference in tough love and just being mean. 

We don't ever want to lose a member so I'd encourage you to stay but wish you the best if you don't...

 

You know what, @Lilley? Life is hard! A lot of us have struggles. I have suffered with severe depression and anxiety my whole life, yet managed to persevere, and have a very successful career, out there in the world. How did I manage that? By seeking help from mental health professionals, when needed, including taking psych meds, at different points in my life. You are not alone. As far as quitting this group goes, that seems like a bad idea. No one here will be affected , one way, or the other, if you leave. But what about YOU? Won’t you lose the support that is given so freely, by the successful quitters? If anything, you should become more involved. Why not start playing the silly games with us. They are fun, and lighten our moods. Have you started a physical training program? It is wonderful for both body and mind. So, you come off a bit brusk, at times. So What! We can’t all say the perfect thing all the time. Sometimes, I reread my posts, and think, “Jesus ! Who the hell does this chick think she is?”😂 I vote you stay right here, where you belong.

Edited June 8, 20215 yr by Katgirl

  Oh Lilly, you might think I know the words to say but you don't see how long it takes me to compose those sentences.  By letting us know that you struggle to find the right words, we know not to read things into your posts.  I think the forum works best when you get different kinds of view points.  Some may seem harsh but some may be too sensitive.  I think depression plays a big part in our addiction and makes it easier to continue in our self destructive behavior.  I hate to see you isolate yourself and wish you would consider us more than just supporters but also friends.  

Lilly, keep fighting for yourself.  There are wonderful doctors and good medications to treat your symptoms.  I have panic disorder and struggle with depression but have found the right medications.  Quitting is one of the best things to do for yourself.  As you continue on the path to freedom, you will find your confidence and self esteem will become more powerful.

You might have something there, @Mee. I know that the very few times in my life that I was hospitalized for depression, almost everybody smoked. They had to take us outside for smoke breaks numerous times a day. I remember looking forward to it. Those are memories I’d like to erase, but it is what it is. I certainly can identify with you. Panic Disorder is no joke, and rarely understood by folks who have never struggled with mental disorders. 

 

Edited June 9, 20215 yr by Katgirl

Stay or go; your choice, as is the case of quitting vs smoking. Personally I would stay if I were you. Not for friendships or acceptance but to add that all important tool of support from other quitters to your quit tool box. IMO, that's hugely important if you really want to quit. Staying on the forum without communicating is pointless. What strengthens your quit is just that .... your communication with other quitters, Giving advise and taking it too. That's why I chose my screen name Reciprocity. (Look up the definition of that word). If you decide to stay, I would agree with what others have said. Consider your posted content to others carefully. Read it again after creating a post to make sure you're post doesn't sound harsh or offensive to another member.

No one here is perfect and I expect everyone here has had issues with another member. When that's the case, put them on ignore. That's what that function is for, to ignore content from members who rub you the wrong way. I have only ever put one member on ignore (it wasn't you, by the way) and that's because I believe they are just trolling this place. My choice and it lowers my blood pressure .... a lot👍

@reciprocity I had to look up the definition of your name, did not know that how unique!!!

4 minutes ago, Linda said:

@reciprocity I had to look up the definition of your name, did not know that how unique!!!

I knew what it meant, but I’m a wordsmith! 😂

39 minutes ago, Katgirl said:

I knew what it meant, but I’m a wordsmith! 😂

Now I'm gonna have to look that one up 🤔

I'm imagining this.........

I thank you all for the lovely posts.

 

I hope this thread didn't come across as me flouncing off the forum and wanting people to say stay. I just wanted to share "me" with you all and apologise.

 

I bought cigarettes last night so I'm going to take some time to sort myself out emotionally. I will be back with a new quit and a change of attitude. I have found out over the last day that the kindness here knows no bounds and if you just reach out for help it is there.

 

Lilley. 

You smoked ...???

You had a great quit under your belt ....this is sad ....

Don't wait to long to quit again ....those things will kill you ....

How about you jump back on ...and just ride with us ....all you have to do is pledge everyday ...

This is a much better plan ....

Sorry to hear you smoked again. This nicotine addiction is one ugly beast but .... it CAN be beaten into submission so take what ever time you need (don't make it too long though) and make that final commitment to quit for a better future for YOU! Not us or anybody else. This quitting thing needs to be personal and selfish. It's your life you're saving!

To get through this addiction you will have to face many things in life @LilleyYou have the starve the beast or it will come to you every single time knowing you will give up and it WILL win if that's what you want  @Lilley

 

Sounds to me you would do anything to smoke before doing everything to stay quit . I was there once too . I hope you won't leave it too  long . Everyone has to admit their own lies and see the things they deny as truth to move forward . 

 

Take care , think about every puff . You won't like smoking . We care about you more . Please care about you and take care of you . 

 

Edited June 9, 20215 yr by Abby
sp and added content .