Nicotine ...it's gone ML....

It's forward all the way ...good to hear your getting some benefit from more light ...

You sound positive ...😀🐸

11 hours ago, MLMR said:

I want more hello’s in my life. Maybe start by welcoming the person I see in the mirror every day? 🙋‍♀️

 

I LOVE this and think its a great idea 🤗

Thursday morning, day 5. 
 

I have a challenging day ahead of me. Doreen, you are right: back to basics. 
1. Drink lots of tea.

2. Slowing down instead of rushing my way through the day. 

3. Visit friend after work and take a long walk together 

 

Regarding that other thing, sobriety: 4 months and 25 days have passed. Hello! 🦄

 

 

 

Friday morning, day 6. 

Just woke up, sitting with coffee. All seems quite peaceful at this time of the day.

 

I visited my (smoking) friend last night and I can smell the stench in my hair and sweater. Yuk. Somehow it reminds me of nasty hangover mornings, too sick to smoke, but doing it anyway. Gross.

 

In January, I’ll start with a year long online philosophy course, through the School of Life. Every two weeks there’s an online lecture about topics like western/eastern/African philosophy, sociology, psychology, literature, art etc. Its possible to interact with the teachers through the chat and q&a. I’m really looking forward to this. Finally able to create some perspective and starting something new! 😊 👩‍🎓

 

@MLMR sounds like you new quit is going well.  I am thankful that you are getting through this first week easy.  I am struggling with another night of insomnia.  The quit is going fine.  I just want to figure out why I can't sleep, my Mom had this problem as she got older She was always up late and slept the morning away.  I would prefer to be an early to bed and early to rise person. Like you said, the morning is so peaceful, quiet, gives you the time to prepare for the day.  It is always good to spend time with a friend. I do not know how I would be around someone that is smoking.  I don't think it would bother me but I have not had the experience.  

K

Linda, still up, are you up to do the black friday thing?  I hope you are not going out there, I think it is not a good idea for anyone.

@Kris Yes I am up, but no I'm not into the shopping thing.

to many people. How about you?? I see you are up.Michigan

Is number 1 in the states for covid. Crazy!!! It will be

worse after the holidays

@Linda No way I am gong out there, even if there was no Covid.  I just don't have the energy to do it anymore.  The only person I need to get a present for is the 8 year old grandson.  The adults get a check now as I have no idea what they want or need.  Yes, I have been reading that things are very bad in Michigan.  I think it will get worse everywhere, I am prepared, I hope you have a good stock up of things to get thru the next couple of months.

 

I hope everything was good at the doctor the other day.  I have to see my primary and the also the doc that does my botox for migraines next week.  

K

 

@Kris Yes I am pretty stocked up on supplies.

Just don't understand people not wanting to

get the vaccine. That's what is causing the

problem here. Doctors appt went ok. Thanks

for asking

I agree, I don't understand it either.  The sad thing is so many that have not been vaccinated will now decide it does not matter because of break thru cases.  Still better to take it and if we do get it sick hopefully it will not be as bad. I had two doses of Moderna but will aske the doctor about a booster next week. Stay safe!

K

@Kris I’m sorry about your sleeping issues. Lack of sleep makes everything ten times worse, huh?
 

My nights have improved drastically since I eliminated alcohol. I make 5,5 or 6 straight hours, when I’m truly lucky the occasional 7. I believe there will come a time where I hit the jackpot and 8  hours is the new normal again. 😴

Edited November 26, 20214 yr by MLMR

Stay strong! No need for shopping, booze, smokes OR covid!

Hope you all are able to get some rest tonight.

Saturday morning, day 7.
 

I’m a bit uncomfortable about this week being SO easy and smooth. As if it should be a struggle for quitting to be “real”. And will that cause complacency problems later on.. etc.
 

Decided not to spend too much time on these thoughts and just …

 

👉stick to the basics

👉… and repeat

Congrats. What if you are just done? I think at some point we are given the gift of release. We work so hard at it and then when we least expect it, we find there is grace. Hoping that for you. Hoping that for me. Hoping that for everyone on the QT.  Have a great night...

^^I love this @KEL^^ 

On 11/27/2021 at 6:55 AM, KEL said:

Congrats. What if you are just done? I think at some point we are given the gift of release. We work so hard at it and then when we least expect it, we find there is grace. Hoping that for you. Hoping that for me. Hoping that for everyone on the QT.  Have a great night...

I’ve been thinking about this (probably way too long 😅). Not sure if it’s about being done, for me. I was done before, and yet … we all know what happened. I think addiction is never ‘done’, it’s just something that can be put to sleep, to a point where it’s hardly work anymore. Kickstarting this quit and having the non-smoking experience still very fresh in my mind probably helped me during this first week..
 

But today is different and it’s easy to get lost in junkie thinking. So:

👉 Back to basics

👉 Use junkie thinking to fire up inner unicorn

👉 Repeat 
 

  

@MLMRFor me, the desire to drink left after three years sober. I did really intense work (in two separate facilities) on the underlying issues. I gave myself permission to drink after ten years and found it held no interest. It was quite a revelation.

Smoking, in my opinion, is far more insidious than booze. With alcohol, the downside was in my face, i.e. the likelihood (perhaps inevitability?) I would get in my car in a black-out and kill someone. My greatest fear was waking up one morning and realizing what I had done. Thankfully that did not happen but it was the motivation for a long time to get and stay sober. 

We all know the downsides of smoking but they evolve over a much longer period of time. What I needed to do was uncover the reason I thought smoking "helped" me. And then give myself the space, the time to see how I might feel without it. Its taken me a good four years to get to this place. My "quit" did not start when I stopped smoking.

I have found recently that I am more peaceful, less depressed. Doesn't mean its not hard in moments but there is more gratitude than hardship at the moment.

Both alcohol and nicotine are tools I used to self-medicate, to escape to a "place" that feels better than where I thought I was. So when I stopped using in the past, I went into a spiral. Took a lot of support and hard work to uncover the core issues. Now I have different tools to cope with my junkie mind.

In my experience, "addiction" is the nature of the gig. We are all "addicted" to something. Perhaps another way is to consider the "addiction" is speaking, asking us to look more deeply. If we "put the addiction to sleep," it will eventually "wake up." I prefer to see my addictions as a gift, the impetus to explore the nature of life, love, God. Instead of punishment.

To be relieved of the desire to harm (self or others) is a miracle for which I cannot take credit. All I can do is show up for the experience.

 

 

 

 

Thanks @KELfor sharing your insights. Very helpful, thanks. 

Edited November 29, 20214 yr by MLMR

Tuesday morning, day 10.

 

Woke up to a horrible mood swing. Can’t believe this is still happening sometimes. Like someone decided to replace my brain overnight. It’s just not fair.
 

Figuring out now how to practice compassion. Breathing and simple basics, repetition. Hold space for myself here and now. 
 

In case I need to read my previously written Pre respond to my own sos today:
 

So, somehow you feel like you don't care anymore. Let me tell you this: you do care and you definitely give a lot about it. You used to think you didn't care, because it was easier and less vulnerable. Back then, it was your only way to survive. But now things are different, you have changed. Be honest with yourself and listen to the soft voices. They want to be heard. They will help you continue this journey. X

Hope you are able to ride it out. I know this well. Have no idea of why it happens but it seems to lessen the longer time I have away from nicotine. Distraction. It will pass.

1 hour ago, KEL said:

Hope you are able to ride it out. I know this well. Have no idea of why it happens but it seems to lessen the longer time I have away from nicotine. Distraction. It will pass.

Thanks Kel, but its got nothing to do with quitting. I've had this as long as i can remember. Its trauma related. 

 

Quitting does not make these days go away. But it does help me in keeping my sanity and self care up.. and make me an overall happier person. Days like today make me believe I dont care. Its not true and it will be tomorrow sooner or later.. im ashamed to write here about these things. But it helps to get it out of my head and on paper. 

Don't feel ashamed ML ...your amongst friends ....glad you can share ...

Better out than in .....keep strong ...❤️

@MLMR, I can certainly relate to how you feel. There are days when my chronic anxiety kicks my ass, and I wonder why I’m still here, fighting just to feel normal. So, I reach into my bag of tricks: Deep breathing exercises, physical exercise, distract myself by accomplishing routine tasks. Speaking of routine, I’ve noticed that structure is good for me: I work out with weights every morning, whether I want to, or not. I get on my treadmill and power walk every evening, no matter what. I go to bed at the same time every night, and have a routine bedtime prayer ritual. These are things that work for me, and might work for others, too. Remember to keep hope alive. More than likely, tomorrow will be a better day. 😊❤️

Edited November 30, 20214 yr by Katgirl

@KatgirlThank you. I am beginning to believe that there is no "normal" in the human experience, just as there are no "functional" families. Everyone I have ever met in this life has some challenge whether it be physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, or financial. We all bleed and we all experience loss. No one gets out alive.

We all use something(s) to cope. I know that its on me to have the discipline to do those things (as you mention) that make it easier for me to feel ok. For now, the focus is on not smoking. That is enough for today.

 

 

 

On 11/30/2021 at 10:38 PM, Katgirl said:

@MLMR, I can certainly relate to how you feel. There are days when my chronic anxiety kicks my ass, and I wonder why I’m still here, fighting just to feel normal. So, I reach into my bag of tricks: Deep breathing exercises, physical exercise, distract myself by accomplishing routine tasks. Speaking of routine, I’ve noticed that structure is good for me: I work out with weights every morning, whether I want to, or not. I get on my treadmill and power walk every evening, no matter what. I go to bed at the same time every night, and have a routine bedtime prayer ritual. These are things that work for me, and might work for others, too. Remember to keep hope alive. More than likely, tomorrow will be a better day. 😊❤️

 

Glad your routine is working out so well for you, @Kat And I agree on the importance of rituals.  

I alternate a bit between routine/structure and loosening up. Too much structure means I’m trying to polish something away (been there, done that) and sooner or later it will come back to bite me in the 🍑.
 

Its been a very long road to discover when I need to push through and when pushing through is actually about hurting myself, crossing my own boundaries, making it unsafe.

I’m grateful for my perseverance, but I know now I really need to step back some times and just look at things, without wanting to tackle them.

 

Edited December 2, 20214 yr by MLMR