Well said. Thanks for these important words @johnny5 and thanks for the bump @jillar.
For years I thought that I was making a free choice to smoke. But my dependence was much deeper than that - chemical, emotional, ritual. I cannot be a casual smoker because I, too, am an addict. I know this because I exhibited many of the classic signs of addiction:
I kept smoking even though it made me feel terrible and was harming my health.
Whenever nicotine ran low in my system, I would get agitated and jittery. The only thing that really mattered to me in those moments was getting my next fix.
I made irrational decisions about smoking. Like spending money on smokes even when money was frightfully tight and I was having a hard time making ends meet. Or going outside in hurricane-force winds to smoke, even though it was stupidly dangerous to do so.
I isolated myself from friends and family, prioritizing my drug (nicotine) over those family relationships.
I was not always truthful about how much I had smoked.
Every time I tried to set limits or ration my smoking, I would inevitably revert to my baseline use. "Just one" would turn into "just one more" would turn into "Well, I've already blown it for today so I'll cut back tomorrow" would turn into a pack or more a day.
Breaking free of this bondage is a real gift of quitting. The addiction is part of me, lurking on the sidelines, able to be reactivated if I smoke even one. So I stay vigilant and say NOPE - Not One Puff Ever - to stay free.
