MLMR

Ok, so day 4 is a fact. So happy I got through, it wasnt easy. Had lots of tea, carrots and cellery (yuk). I only said this one thing: it will be better. No discussion, immediate change of focus. Hard work tbh, at times smoking seemed to be the most delicious thing in the world. Yeah, but no. Hope I have a good night. Looking forward to my long morning walk already, been doing that for four days now. Its a bit addictive.

I guess its just the brain doing some necessary readjusting. But does it HAVE to be doing that at night…? Hmm, just trying not to bother about it too much. Last time it took me some 6 weeks, I believe, for my sleep to be normal again. bah, might as well fold some laundry 😛

Gus, atm there’s only one thing that needs to come… sleep!! I forgot about these awfull hours awake. Brrr. Hope they wont last too long.

Hey Brioski, I just read through your thread. You have come a long way. Please, do not give up! I did that after 3+ years and before that ive messed up a 5+ years quit. Still sorry about that… it makes me all the more determined to do it right this time. Smoking is not worth time, money or effort. I remember from previous quits the lasting sadness and mourning. I swear by Joel Spitzers ‘acknoledge the negative, but dwell on the positive’. I started to magnify every positive little thing a thousand times, it really works. I gave myself chores, distraction, rest. Each phase had its own solutions I guess. Every time I beat a craving, I was soooo happy and proud and relieved. Celebrating these moments is important! They are huge and literally mean the difference between freedom and slavery. You are doing your brain a huge favour by quitting, imagine all these new pathways. I wish you strength in your quit. Hang in there!

NOOOOOPE

Thanks! Day 3 done. Not easy but certainly doable. Proud for not giving in. More air already, no stench. Glad I came back here.

Ahhh. Third day. Breath in breath out. I want to get through -> only one way, forward. Ahhhhh!!!! NOPE

Nope

Nope

Movie: fantastic. Mood: good. Took a long walk, now cooking. Had two hours where I was about to climb the walls, but went better once i decided to keep myself occupied. No room for doubt - basta.

Thanks Gus and Brioski. The first 24 hours are coming in sight- pfieww. I have sheep in my head, but I am also very restless. Perfect day to go and see Oppenheimer.

nope.

Thanks all. Glad I came here. Feels like there’s a bit of weight off my shoulders. It will be water and tea tonight. I want to make this work.

Hello. I hate coming back here - but I know I need it. Been smoking on and off for four years now, what a waste of health and confidence. Back at square one I guess. Can’t stand the fact that quitting seems this hard AGAIN. So, buckle up and go. Today is a good day for it. I dont really have a plan, other than going through it moment by moment. Millions of people did it, I did it myself, so… yeah 🤷‍♀️. Resolve. Resolve. Resolve. I will have faith, even when I dont. Each crappy moment will be followed by better times. Embrace the suck and grow a beautiful baby quit. I got this in me. 27-08, 14:00. Day one -> no turning back.

NOPE

NOPE ✅

Tuesday morning, day 30. All is well. Coffee, still very dark outside, quietness. Best time of the day. Only three more work days and then it’s done for 2021. A crazy year to look back on. So much has happened and yet I feel like this 2021 rollercoaster is finally coming to a good and meaningful end now. Only a few months into 2021, after a a week off, boom, burnout. Just like that. Completely different from depression or anxiety that I know all too well. I thought I’d be done with it in a few week, haha! Was I wrong.. It had me re-evaluate some core beliefs about myself in relation to work. I’m so, so grateful for the lessons learned and how this helped me in actually creating perspective for 2022. I am privileged to live in a country where there’s solid social security. Quitting my relationship of five+ years meant ownership. It took me about ten-ish months, but I’m getting there. And I’m grateful for the few people who wouldn’t stop listening to me, self-absorbed as I was. Ouch. 😳 I forgot that I’m someone who can be perfectly happy on her own. What a cool and peaceful discovery! Then there was a horrible incident of violence at my work and we lost a coworker because of it. Its still an ongoing proces of making sense and giving meaning. It taught me about the different and diverse ways people deal with trauma. And how really none of that is ‘wrong’. Loosing my precious 2+years quit made me realize me two things: complacency kills and it’s always a good time to get back on your feet and act accordingly. Nothing more to it. Accept the bad moments, because that’s all they are. Just moments. And last but not least: the corona blues made me see how I need people and connection and that I’m definitely not unique in that. Making efforts together with family and friends to stay in in touch, even though it sometimes seemed we come from different planets. The polarization struggle is real… oh man. But I believe we are resilient creatures. And so is our ability to restore relationships, bonds. There’s one thing about 2021 that I’m absolutely happy about: my decision to stop drinking. 28th of december it will be six months! I think it was the nr. 1 best thing to do for myself, in these circumstances. Thinking of New Years resolutions, my instinct is to sum up things that need improvement, elimination, mastery even and “how this next year will be the year that I finally learned how to tackle….blah… blah….”. But I think I’m ready to let go of the old. I want to start adding again! Education, friendships, some lightheartedness. I want to wonder and wander again. Have the ‘de slappe lach’, as we call the giggles. Doing whatever it is that I’m good at and gently but unapologetically moving my focus towards life.

NOPE

NOPE 🤿

NOPE 📌

With another strict lockdown on the way (announced within the hour) I’m having some difficulties. This lonely, apocalyptic craziness…. 😖 Junkie bells, junkie bells, junkie aaallll the way. 🫁 NOPE 🫁 🫖 NOPE 🫖 I can do self care. Breathing. Watch a movie. Cocoon (cocoon the hell out of myself, for the next four weeks, actually). Its all good. Tomorrow’s a new day.

NOPE 🚬❌

NOPE 🕯️

NOPE 🚀

Wednesday morning, day 24. All is well, on the non smoking front. Its hardly on my mind these days and I’m grateful for that. In the meantime, I’m also nearing 6 months sober. There’s a booze free Christmas and New Year’s Eve ahead of me! The other day someone asked me, ‘why so harsh on yourself? Just give yourself the pleasure of one or two evenings with a few beers, good red wine here and there.’ I felt no desire to go into a lengthy discussion about not viewing this as harsh, and…. etc. etc. I know why I’m doing this and that’s really all there is to it. I’m not really familiair with not needing to defend or explain myself! But I think I like it. A lot.