MLMR

Yuck. Did you figure out how that took place, or has it been too long ago? Do you remember this quit well and what did it bring you? What was THE BEST, about quitting?

Thanks @jillar. You are probably the sweetest and most forgiving person on the train.. always making people feel welcome. I really appreciate you taking the time to answer. I figured out what was behind the craving.. it doesn’t make it go away, but somewhat more bearable. I’m trying to navigate this again. It really is true - Every quit is different

Day 3 went smoothly, untill just now. It overflows me bigtime. And writing here seems so stupid, after all this time 😞 😢

@Abby yeah, i think Frying Pan Doreen is referring to me 🙂

I’m not sure about the ripple effect either. A person smokes because he/she allowes and eventually provides. There's really no external effect or person or whatever responsible for that. The more I come to think of it, the more I see how I started jeopardizing my quit somewhere at the start of this year. I recognized that I felt isolated and lonely, I knew I had to go full on self care. I think I did a lot of things quite ok, considering circumstances. But, somewhere along the line, the thought “I can always grab a smoke, if things really fall apart” came in. And although I didn’t really held on to the thought (at least that’s what I uhm... thought haha), I wasn’t facing it either. What I should have done, was coming here way more often. It should have been my absolute no 1 priority to keep that quit, like it has been for so long. Regardless of personal and global circumstances, moons or stars.. bit I didn’t. And now I’m sorry and have to sit on the blisters, as we say here. so, don’t ripple effect me, don’t be like MLMR!! (Or at least not relaps-wise 😉 )

Day 3 The Package Deal When I think of full fledged smoking, first thing that comes to mind is the everlasting unrest. A constant agitation, not being able to be fully in the moment doing whatever it was that I was doing. Always more or less busy with the next fix, busy with alleviating that state of permanent withdrawal. I woke up, thinking of smoking. And I’m annoyed with myself, for caving in. What a circus! Bwegghh.

Obvious, but not from an addict point of view. From the moment I lit up, to the second I said, 'quit this bs, now' I was in debate with myself. “Oh but, I can just hide this from everybody, I can pretend it never happened, I can just continue my “quit”, or I can just smoke for some time and then find the courage again, it'll be probably easier than at this moment'. I find it embarrassing to admit, but they were the same addict lies as before. *Poof* just like that, as if they never left me. I’ve been dissecting this last week and I sort of see now how I gradually started to make room for failure. I made smoking acceptable somehow, before I actually did it. And I’m quite shocked it took me 1,5 pack to realise that I blew my precious quit and that there was no other way than to instantly quit that moment and start over again. I mean. Really. Two different worlds almost: 'hey this quit is the coolest, I’m way less depressed and anxious and I can breath again like a normal person and I am so proud' or 'oh whatever, to hell with it'. By the way, thinking of proceeding and not telling people made me anxious. Would it work, would it be an ongoing fight? And who was I kidding? Once I knew I had to start over I instantly felt better. So yeah, obvious. But... then again...not from an addict point of view.

Video stresses the importance of drawing a clear line in the sand regarding the issue of whether or not to take a puff. Another alternate title for for this video could have been "should I reset my quit meter?" This is a physiological addiction. There's no such thing as 'a slip'.

Day 2 I set up a little plan for the rest of the week, to care for the L in HALT. As far as withdrawal symptoms: I have none.

Saturday was not just a silly mistake. HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. This was the L. And its been the L for some time now. I cant remember where exactly I lost my steady, but I stopped caring. I remember having said something about caring, in a topic with a message to yourself. Will look that up. However. I do care here and I do care for now, for this moment. Watched Joel Spitzer today, on lost long term quits. https://whyquit.com/joels-videos/lost-long-term-quits/ @Boo I will absolutely take your advice. Youre right, its a reocurring theme, giving power to thoughts. Thanks for highlighting that. Relief coloured my day. I would absolutely be nowhere had I decided to keep quiet and try to continue on my own. And I dont like lies. My openness here has been rewarded too many times with heartfelt advice and sincere smacks. Also thanks to a dear forum friend who immediately set things straight and helped me accept day 1. Well. What a day.. 😴 Goodnight .

@Gus yes. Thanks for the invite. @jillar I wish the same. @Lilley Im not surprised to see you react like this. I will change nothing here - my quit is my responsability and Im not to blame for other people's feelings about that. @Lust4Life that ís amazing indeed. And yes, I had to take some very deep breaths before posting this. @d2e8b8 thanks. Will take a look. @Katgirl thanks for your encouraging words. Quitting again is my only option - like @reciprocity sais, I was enjoying my freedom and it gave me so much. I risked loosing all that and Im really sorry that I let myself down. @Mee thanks. A lot. Head up high now. I expect this to be partly smooth sailing because of the 2years9months experience and partly monstrously hard because when the thoughts will reoccur, i will have to give everything to shut them down immediately, just like in the very beginning. I have to do the work, regardless of previous succes or failure. I will obviously not post as much as before, but I will return more often and give at least monthly updates.

Straight to the point: I smoked 1,5 packs since saturday. There's no point in getting into reasons, because smoking knows no reasons. I lit up, it was an ultimate stupidity, end of story. So. Day nr. 1 again. (Not one for 'why dont you just continue counting'. It doesnt make sense. And trust me, my addict brain would love that, plotting for the next screw up already.) Day one it is. Grmbll. P.s. please dont try this at home. It s*cks and involves way more shame than Im willing to admit.

Shoot - forgot to report back at my previous post.. Whoops, sorry! No smoking to confess though, ha. 2 years, 9 months and 9 days, and counting. Sometimes thoughts about it sneak up on me, nothing too bad, just a firm reminder to stay vigilant. A picture of my soon-to-be-3-year-aniversary-present to myself: shoezzz. 🥳

Sh*t sh*tty f*cky f*ck sig, I am NOT going to smoke you! Not after two years and almost 8 months!! Cry a million tears and then just rest and get back to your two feet, for things could be so much worse. This will pass. You were here before. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow.... is a new day.

Yesterday I was with my best friend. She is 46 and has COPD. I am afraid she will be dead within 10 years, if she doesnt make some radical lifestyle changes. Let me rephrase that: I fear for her life. Its not 'just' the smoking that worries me, but everything that comes with it: bad food choices and a range of associated physical worries, chronic slavery, underlying depression and financial problems. We did food shopping together. I was looking at her from a distance when she didnt see me and tears came to my eyes. The panting, trying to hide how tired she is. Looking at least 12 years older than her real age. And right after we leave the shopping mall she lights up, because she knows she cant smoke in my car.. Its been 2 years, 6 months and11 days since I quit. Once in a while I pause and take the time to write down whatever comes to my mind about quitting. Dont have to, but I want to. I could thank myself a million times for making the decision back then and I want to keep that gratitude anchored. I never thought id be able to meditate, breaking up without falling apart, switching jobs, saying some final goodbyes, drastically reframing my future and yet feeling more at ease with myself than ever before. I whish there were ways to convince my friend to quit as well. I know she can and I know everbody can. If only she took the chance to free herself of all the horible junkie thinking. I cant even begin to imagine what its like to fear for your spouses life, or a family member. Last week I had a cremation of someone who died of smoking related illnesses. Not someone very close, but still. It didnt impress my friend one bit. Crazy, sick addiction that does unimaginable things to otherwise healthy brains.

The other week I ran into someone I hadnt seen in a while. Regular smoker, quitting was always on her mind and she did all the things so many of us have been doing for years: cutting down (result: enforcing her addiction) , limiting her smoking to 'only in the kitchen', quitting and starting again, etc. Living her life, but always with a sense of guilt about her smoking 'habit'. She told me she only just found out that she has advanced lung cancer. She's in her 50's.

Thats what it's all about. You did well! Think about it: in one year you will celebrate your second smokefree new years eve 💪💫

^^ what Jill says, plus updating can be a great way to keep yourself accountable and commited. 💫

Hey Fluffyduck, let me tell you that you'll be fine either way, with cravings or without. You will survive the tougher moments as well. You will learn new ways of dealing with anxiety, because of quitting. The rough moments are part of the package, part of life. You'll be fine, as long as you stick to your commitment of not smoking. Emotions come and go, all the more reason to make your resolve as strong as possible. When the going gets tough, this is what will help you through.

@Fluffyyellowduck, you relied on smoking to feed your addiction. Quitting is all about debunking the lies that come with being addicted to nicotine. Hows your first day going? 😄

Wow, I just realised this will be my third smokefree christmas!😊 ... and I just love love love not worrying about smoking anymore. There have been days, even months where quitting was the Most Important Thing Ever and I felt like I would be dragging that quit with me for the rest of my life... and now I hardly ever think of it. Its been quite the ride though. Im clearly not one of those 'One day I just quit and that was that' people. Oh, I've condemned myself for the struggle, for the sos-ing, for the anxiety. And what I found here was a brilliant combination of wise words, comforting and definitely the sober kick-in-the-butts that made it so much more doable. Bottomline: take care of yourself, dont give up, embrace the suck, enjoy and exaggerate the good moments, hold on to whatever it is that fuells your fire and outhumor your fears. Cheers! ♥️

Show us your crochet cardigan! Big fan of crocheting here. Look what I made during quitting, (some would argue about the lungs though..)

Dear S. (aka Power House @Sazerac), Today its your 7 year aniversary - congratulations!! I admire you for your determination and hunger for knowledge. I know its been of tremendous help for so many readers on here. The effort you've put in teaching others and inviting them to come along is heartwarming to me. Your commitment has been amazing . And I hope today is about you! I miss you on here, your way with words, I whish you only good things. Qtrain is not the same without you. 7 years, hurray hurray!! Will be thinking of you today!

Force yourself to discover what IS easy. There must be something. Make a game out of it. Simplify life.

'Motivation is not the spark that keeps you eager to do hard work. It is the RESULT! Real motivation comes after you start.' 'Motivation is the pride you take in the work you’ve done, fueling your willingness to do more.' Write and you become a writer https://medium.com/@sarahcy/motivation-is-overrated-the-motivation-myth-by-jeff-haden-98df2623dcdd