Kate18

What I've saved for the past two weeks (since Dec 12 quit) will cover what I will lose in pay next week. I am taking unpaid vacation time to visit my new granddaughter back east (USA). When I think of smoking in terms of hours & minutes of work per pack of cigarettes....disbelief. Normally, the money will go to my retirement account.

Be well soon

I've cut back contact to about every other week. It would be too unkind to sever all contact. She intends well, she's tried for years to change her behavior with professional help. She has had clinical depression for decades--well before there was competent therapy or drugs for it. She is nearly 90 now, so she won't be around for many more years. I would regret it for the rest of my life if I did not show her kindness. I've declined to talk about some things, telling her that these are personal and I don't want to share. She's slipped a couple of times, but she tries.

It's after 8 pm. I can see myself in my mind's eye, grabbing my purse and heading out the door to the gas station to get cigarettes. A sigh of relief when I get back, sit on the patio, and light one up. On the other hand.... I'm no longer insensitive to the actual taste of a cigarette. It would be unpleasant. I'm no longer accustomed to having nicotine in my brain, so I'd be dizzy, and I don't like that feeling. I'd have wasted $9.00. In future dollar terms, that's near $90. And that's the cost of living (more, actually) for a day in the future. I'd have added to the harm already done to my teeth and gums, and the veins in my legs. I'd return to the gray face and premature wrinkles. I'd have lost the 12 day stretch I achieved. I'd have lost the fragile sense of being able to trust myself again. Sigh. It's not worth it. Skip the smoke. Drink a glass of water, walk the dog, and go to sleep.

Hi Lia, I am about 12 days quit smoking and two or three days off of the nicotine patch. I wanted to first break the habit and then deal with the chemical withdrawal. It seems to have been a good strategy. I weighed in at Weight Watchers at 220 about 13 years ago. Then over three years I lost weight and part of that was by smoking, not eating. I dropped to 145 lb, which is on the slim side for my height and age. For ten years I kept it off, until I made a job change from an active to a sedentary one, and then the weight began creeping back up. My biggest hurdle to quitting smoking was the fear of becoming obese again. I can't count the times I stopped smoking, then started in again because I was over eating and becoming clinically depressed. Through reading and videos on YouTube by medical researchers, doctors, and nutritionists, I learned about eating a plant based diet and about extended fasting. Confidence in the information about the diet gives me confidence that I'll get my weight back to slim. (I'm actually barely at the "overweight" stage, I have about 18 lb to lose). When I believed that my choice was smoking or obesity, I chose smoking, repeatedly. Just as learning about addiction makes it possible to quit smoking, I believe that learning lots about health and nutrition will make it possible to avoid long term weight gain. Best of luck to you Lia. So many people have successfully quit smoking, that I know you can be a success story, as well. You've already got your goal in mind, and a strategy -- breaking the dysfunctional correlation between smoking and weight maintenance. I know you'll develop the tactics to make your goal a reality. It'll be fun to hear your story along the way.

Taking a couple of cigarettes to the patio with me was the way I could get through making an unpleasant, yet obligatory, phone call to a person who is toxic for me. I'm about to make that phone call again -- to wish her Merry Christmas -- and the minute I picked up the phone to call, I started a deep craving for a smoke. Or six. In the back of my mind is the memory of a few posts by various successful quitters that there will be situations that you come up with for the first time since quitting, and you (I, we) have to learn to cope with those situations without a cigarette. And here goes.... dialing... I'm on that call now and I'm sitting here typing a boring post instead of smoking. This person is confusion on steroids. It's catchy. Takes me a week to regain my own emotional equanimity. OK, whew. Over. I was a bit impatient. Thoughts kept returning to having a cigarette. Hopefully I was kind. I think I was. Only 12 minutes. A record short call. Usually 20-45 minutes. And I made it without a cigarette. Sigh of relief. On to the ice cream. I'm in need of a dopamine hit.

Right now, 9:30 pm on Pacific Standard Time, my last ounce of reserve I am using to force myself to go to bed for the night. Staying awake is giving too much time to experience cravings. I don't crave in my sleep. I appreciate the 3 day reminder. It'd slipped my mind. I think this is the first nic-free day, but it might have been yesterday. I'll consider today day 1, tomorrow day 2, and then the last day to get the rest of the nicotine out of my system. Of course, the nicotine receptors will still be there, but the winnowing process will be under way. ok, going to sleep off the cravings.

Merry Christmas to all of you Christmas celebrators! I will not smoke tomorrow.

Not on the patch anymore, as I mentioned last night. Or maybe it was this morning. Anyway... Craving nicotine after work today. Ate great salad instead. Still craving. Remembered you'd bumped this. Came here to watch the first video at this website. A good reminder of why I've quit. Thanks again, Sazerac.

Put on a nic patch as usual, this am. Half hour later, I took it off and tossed it. Maybe I can donate the patches somewhere. Today I did not use any nicotine or smoke. (Not a happy camper right now.) Tomorrow I will not smoke, etc.

You're very kind, Linda. My life is not interesting enough for anything about myself, I am not qualified enough at anything to publish as an expert, and my imagination wouldn't be creative enough for a novel. If I wrote a book, the only person who would read beyond page one is my mother. And of course, she would be dutifully enraptured with it.

NSJ, this is a really good post. I'd like to bookmark it to read in the future if I feel shaken or a tough craving. Is there a way to bookmark favorite posts?

Really, NSJ, this is great, these are great reminders. Once I hit a week I felt more confident. Getting through the previous SOS was a challenge. I thought I'd seen the worst of incidences when I'd feel compelled to smoke. That was complacency. A very important reminder, "I deserve to be smoke free....." Nothing is made better if I smoke. Only made worse. Thanks

This is interesting. . . . I hadn't thought of conquering a crave event as a trigger for endorphins. Very clever. It's imagery. Anthropomorphizing a crave, picturing it as a thing -- a dragon, maybe -- and envisioning fighting it and slaying it . . . . that seems very likely to be something the brain would accept as a cause for celebration and a release of endorphins. Worth a try and a bit of fun.

You're right, sometimes our brains can be our enemies. . . . I wasn't seeing reality, I was seeing a worst case scenario as though it was real. That kind of thing can trigger fight or flight. You're right, "anything but smoke." Thanks

Linda, Doreen, Weegie, and Jillar, thank you. I'm returning to my day now, feeling more relaxed and confident. I appreciate your time.

I am breathing more easily. Didn't realize until now that my breathing had been more rapid than normal. And I was hunching; poor posture. Anxiety physiology. Thank you all so much for being here. I am ok now. I am at the other side of the craving. It is disappointing to me that I had this sense of panic again, and that I felt the need to post on the SOS board. I thought I was all set for not being at risk for smoking ever again. Makes me feel a bit shaken.

I really like that thought, Linda. Working through these few hours of anxiety and craving are learning lessons. Your right, I think that making it through this unscathed -- that is, without smoking -- will build my confidence.

Thanks. She's a dear little dog. Small mixed breed from a rescue shelter. I'll email the person who is bringing her from out of town to visit. Good idea W W. Thanks

Identifying the source of anxiety and tension that are creating this compulsion to go out and buy/smoke cigarettes has given me something to focus on. I think the impending visit is the source. Knowing that lessens the anxiety. I am compartmentalizing it. I was feeling global anxiety -- fearing something unknown and so going into a state of fear and anxiety. Not sure if this makes sense.

She won't be sleeping here, thank heaven for small favors. Am I blowing this up in my mind? ........ I don't know.

And caving into anxiety and letting it lead to smoking would be giving her power over my actions. And thoughts. Toxic. Your right, I can't let her ruin what I've begun. And I'm at 10 days, now. I'm trying to think back. Have I ever gone 10 days before? The whole point of keeping random people and this person out of my home is to feel that I have a safe, private space. In reality, if I can't find a way to keep her out, and she visits, then she'll leave. I can have an exorcism of my living room, Just kidding.

No, you're right, it wouldn't change anything. In a way, it would be spending money on that person. I think I do have to let her in my home. I'll see if I can find a way not to. Helps that I work full time. Restricts her opportunities to come here.

Yes, I will try that, thank you. Just now, I was putting books away in the living room and heard crunching. I hadn't put away all of the vegetables I just bought yet. My dog had woken up, found the broccoli, and had the entire head of it on her chair. Gave me a few minutes of comic relief. And now the craving and anxiety have returned.

OK, I have to get a grip on reality. The problem person isn't here, yet, and my home is still safe and quiet. I went to the grocery store to pick up a prescription and buy vegetables. I have to put them away. That's good for 15 minutes. Delay, delay