marie-quit

NOPE

NOPE

Of to a hurried busy start....still NOPEing

DD and I made it home safe and sound. And as I had anticipated the urge to smoke was very strong, knowing that I had money and a store just 5 miles down the road, I had to battle the urge to go and buy a pack, just for one. But I did not. I NOPE-d every time I felt the desire to. I was surprised that the urge was mental and not physical. It was just fleeting thoughts that I had to work through. No anxiousness, it was somewhat a loneliness, which seemed a bit strange. Now this morning it is a different store, today it is physical, very apprehensive, a physical feeling of jitter-ness and not really thoughts in my mind. But some of that is because of "life" itself. I am home today and I will be sticking close to the boards and this blog. I have some emotional stuff to of the mind to work through. So prepare for some ramblings, self reflection and moments of truth. Sorry in advance, but I came to this board for a community of people that would support me and lift me up as I make this "huge" change in my life.

Day 4 of NOPE-ing

Thanks Lin and Jilar, the return home was very eventful, but I am still a non smoking, will update in a blog post in a bit.

NOPE

Day 2 and I am smoke free. It has been easy up to this point. I knew I would not be smoking anyway. I did not sleep well last night but I am sure it is from staying in a hotel bed as opposed to my own bed. I really have not had any cravings. I have only chewed 4 pieces of gum. DD and I ate at lunch at CookOut and I did have a deep longing for a "smoke" when I tried to drink my milkshake. I guess the pull on the straw as I was trying to get the think milkshake through the straw "inspired the desire" to smoke. So I ate my shake with a spoon. Yesterday when we stopped to fuel up before we started up the mountains I came a cross to cigarettes in the pocket on the passengers side. I contemplated keeping them, buying a lighter so I could smoke later that evening when we got to the hotel. But I quickly broke them and threw them away before I talked myself into buying the lighter. I am pleased that I have not been short tempered, as normally I do get very short tempered when I go a period of time with out a cigarette. Tomorrow we travel home, getting home will be the real challenge, as I will be back in to a daily routine. I have been reading over the changes to the body, but as I am using gum and I still have nicotine in my body I guess I can not gauge my recovery based on these times lines. I was trying to find something positive to focus on for day 3 of my quit as I know this might be a struggle once I return home. By day 3 nicotine should be out of the body, but of course I have been using the gum so that is not the case. So I will focus on the fact that my lungs have been smoke free for 3 days and that I am free from trying to find the time to smoke. It truly had become a burden to find a time to smoke, and then in high stress times it became stressful trying to sneak in a cigarette. But amazingly enough I would smoke a pack a day. Unbelievable, imagine what I could accomplish if I channel that effort to something else......hum need to think about what I can channel my effort towards. That will be my day 3 goal. Today I was amazed at the number of student on campus that were vaping.

24 hours and 2 mins smoke-free NOPE for the next 24 hours

Today is the day that I "Quit The Beast". My DD and I are on a trip to for her final college visitation. So it is a good fit. Travel time is 6.5 hours and I do not smoke around my family so it is a nice cushion to make this day as my mind will not be totally focused on smoking. I have become very accustomed to not smoking around my family and know that it would make the first two days easier, as I would not be smoking anyway. I have bought along some munchies for the evening time, carrots, pistachios, cheezits, and some black lickerish. As well as bottled water, sparkling water. I also have a NTG (gum) as well as regular gum. I know this evening will be tough as I would slip away to the parking lot and smoke a couple once we got to our hotel room. But I have made a commitment and will stick with it. I am determined to "Start A New". I will be blogging a lot as blogging helps me work through emotions, gives me direction and reenforces my decisions. ****** At 9:21 today I smoked my last Cigarette. It had been a very busy and hectic morning. I have been up since 3:00am getting ready for a trip with my DD(18), for a college visit. I had planned on smoking my last one before we headed out for our trip at 10:00 I was very stressed out and pushed for time. I planned on romancing my last one, just before we left, but the stress was so bad and I could feel the agitation getting worse as I was trying to finish up packing and the more I thought about getting that last one in the more anxious I got, so I just took the last of the pack ran water over them so that they would not be smokeable, and throw them away. I gave up the beast.

Thank you notsmokinjo and Lin-quitting for your words of encouragement and support.

At 9:21 today I smoked my last Cigarette. It had been a very busy and hectic morning. I have been up since 3:00am getting ready for a trip with my DD(18), for a college visit. I had planned on smoking my last one before we headed out for our trip at 10:00 I was very stressed out and pushed for time. I planned on romancing my last one, just before we left, but the stress was so bad and I could feel the agitation getting worse as I was trying to finish up packing and the more I thought about getting that last one in the more anxious I got, so I just took the last of the pack ran water over them so that they would not be smokeable, and throw them away. I gave up the beast.

Well I have smoked today, but I smoked my last one at 9:21. I did not want to wait until tomorrow to focus on my NOPE, so I am NOPEing for the rest of the day.

Thanks all for you wonderful support, comments and advice. Today is my quit date, so I will be here a lot. The one thing I find much comfort in is the support of groups and forums. I am a member of another forum and have been for 10 years now. They are like my family. So I will absolutely be reaching out here as my new "Smoke Free Life" starts to unfold. I have taken the time to comment back to each of you and to put in bold some of your "golden nuggets" that you have shared with me so that I can pop back on to this post and quickly get a refocus at times when it is needed. Thank you all for your support. Weegie congratulations on your 148 day quite, hum I guess it is 150 days today...almost half a year--- WTG, you rock! I will focus on my bodies recovery from this additions. reciprocity -- Phew--Self Discipline I have none....but in reflection I am sure it boils down to lack of Self Confidence which Smoking has been a major player in my lack of Self Confidence. Actually in just another moment of reflection as I am writing this, I do have Self Discipline but I have a hard time maintaining it. So mental note to figure out how to start to maintain Self Discipline. jillar -- Thank you for your support.... ONWARD TO A NEW LIFE FOR ME--no size fits all Doreensfree--Thank you for your support.....1st Step is to Believe in yourself notsmokinjo--Congrats on 4 months smoke free WTG!!! Currently I am only taking meds as needed. I stopped taking antidepressant in January. Everyday when I would wake up my first thought was how I could not wait to get the day over with so I could get back in bed. So I had to stop taking them. Thanks for sharing your experience with using "the gum". Set a limit on amount of gum per day, focus on 24 hours smoke free. Sazerac--I can feel your belief in me when I read your post....thank you...Good, Strong, Sturdy--confidence built through freedom from "The Beast" beazel--Thanks for the encouragement, and I am thankful to have this community to come back to. Build the relationship Sslip--Thanks for the encouragement and support. I will remember to pledge daily, not allow my current life situations to sabotage my quit. remember to do it for me so that I may take control of my life, and lean on my community here for the ups and downs. Giveintowin -- Thanks for sharing you experience. I am a bit fearful about using the gum as that well be yet another hurdle to over come. But I have bought some and will use it. I have been using during the day, as I can not smoke between 7:15 and 4:15 while at work. I only started using during the work day about 6 weeks ago. It has helped, prior to using the gum I would find some reason to have to leave campus during my planning period to smoke. But now I do not have to. Smoking gives us the false message that we need it and can’t stop it but we can stop it.

Thanks so much reciprocity and beazel for the visit and for your support and words of wisdom. Today is my quit day and I really have tried not to build it up to much, as that will make me anxious. At around 9:00 my DD and I will be leaving for a 2 day trip to visit a college 7 hours away. Finial tour before she makes her final decisions between 3 schools. So at 9 I will get rid of whatever I have left of my pack and just be done with it. It should be a stress free enjoyable trip for the start of my "Smoke Free Life".

My quit date is April 2nd. I am thinking of using nicotine gum at the beginning of my quit. I am currently dealing with depression, anxiety and panic attacks and was thinking that using nicotine gum to help might be an ok idea. I am not sure I have the fortitude to quit cold turkey. I have very little emotional strength right now and smoking is my emotional crutch. Of course I will have to then quit the gum later. Anyone use nicotine gum while quitting that can provided advice ect?

Depression, Anxiety and Panic Attacks Oh! My! Well I blow my quit back in 2015, not that is was a very long quit but none the less it was a quit and I never came back. Flash forward almost 3 years and life is out of control. Teenage son (17) who is making all the wrong decisons Teenage daughter (18) who graduates this year and leaves for college 7 hours away in the fall Menopause is knocking at my back door along with all the hormonal shifts I teach high school, it is high stress, demanding and I never do enough.....and at this point I can not even imagine that I have the qualifications to do anything else. Dealing with all the responsibilities of being a wife, mother and homemaker So about 2 years ago I started having panic attacks, and now at this point I am on the edge of severe anxiety. I have been to the doctors 3 times in the last 6 months to adjust meds, and they really are not helping. The one thing I have not done is made important lifestyle changes. So here I am, probably at the worst time mental and emotional of my life to quit smoking. But change has to happen, I am 49 and I want more out of life then what I am getting. Smoking has taken so much away from me that I can not get back, but I can make a change that will give me a better future. So on Monday my daughter and I will be heading out of town for a final college campus tour. So Monday will be my quit date. April 2, 2018.

Thanks for this post. I always felt like that one of the reasons my quits were unsuccessful was because I am not motivated to quit by health, family and money. I am physically and emotional tired of the control that cigarettes have over me.

So I blew my 3 day quit the other day. I instantly posted here that I blew it. So many of you came to my side offering advice, condolences ect. and I thank you all for that. I spent every day through Friday coming back here reading your post to me and other threads as well. I had not responded to your post or the about the "Blown Quit" as I was taking things in, reflecting and make decisions. So this morning I sat down to post and recommit to the quit and I could not access anything, I was logged in but was denied access. Thankfully an admin fixed whatever the problem was and now I am rolling again. However all of my post are gone. On my post several of you posted that you saw it coming because I let the cigarettes (or thoughts of) control me. Not sure I have that worded the correct way. Basically my take away from your comments was that I "BLEW" my quit because I allowed myself to think about it. (Maybe that is romancing the cigarette not sure, I am a newbie and still need to do some more reading) Reading Allen Carr this weekend. So I wanted to know beyond having Quit Kit what else I could do. I am going back on the Train again tomorrow and I need to have things in place. But then I also feel like if I am preparing for the craves ect then am I allowing the cigarettes to control me. No sure that makes any sense. I had felt like I had done a great job getting through the 3 days. Posting here as I felt challenged ect. Yet some of you saw it coming and knew that I was going to BLOW my Quit. I want to understand what it is you saw. Please tell me I need to know. It might change my approach it might not but knowing could help. A little side note about this smoker. I am a closet smoker (I have no fantasies that people do not know people can smell) But I do not Smoke in my home or around people, ever. I can go to a party and not smoke until I get home and everyone is in bed. I can eat supper and not smoke until hours later. My triggers are stress and I can maintain for a long time. So NOPE for me has to be Not One Pack Ever because that is the only way I will get a puff, if I buy a pack. I have no one to bum one from and as long as I do not buy a pack I will not smoke. So if you can enlighten in anyway please do. I have a quit kit and the only way I know how to work through strong urges to buy a pack is to acknowledge that I want it and talk myself through it. However, (and maybe this is vain) I need for others to know it and since I am a closet smoker then this is the place. Also someone posted that I might get mad about what they posted but they were going to post it anyway. I wish I could remember who it was because I wanted to let you know you did not make me mad at all. You had some very valid points. I read your post many times over the past couple of days. However someone did post that I was a Window Licker and I had to look that up. Not sure that is so nice but hey I teach teenagers I have been called worse. No harm no foul. The individual that posted about the YOYO quitting that was very very helpful and I wish I had it to read over and over again. Thanks again for all your support and can not wait to ride the Train again.

First let me send each of you that have supported over the past week a HUGE THANK YOU!!!!! For some reason I lost all of my post and the wonderful support comments that each of you have offered me. I have not posted since I blew my quit on day 4. But I have been back here daily to read your comments, read other post and reflect. This morning I decided I was ready to post only to find out that I was still logged in but could not access anything. Thankful an administrator get me back on but everything is gone. Still not sure what happened but I will just look at it as a fresh start. So why is my blog titled "A Complete 180." Today I got plenty of think time as a drove to the "Big City" to buy a new dishwasher. Here is a piece of my story.....My mom is the most self-loathing--codependent person I know and of course by nurture so was I. I have been lucky and realized that was not the type of person I wanted to be. That I could change and did not have to be like that. I have worked hard over the past 20 years to rewire myself from that type of self-loathing--codependent thinking that I was raised with. Little small steps along the way. In 2009 I found an online community that I became a part of that has made all the difference in the world. I just know that I had kicked that beast to the curb. A Complete 180. Well at 2:30 today as I was driving and thinking about Why I Smoke, What are my Triggers, ect. a revelation it hit me like a ton of bricks my number one trigger is when something happens that makes me feel like someone does something to inflect pain on me which starts the whole, why me, why am I to unimportant..., why are my feelings not important, why do they do this to me. I use Smoking to inflect Self-harm. To cope with the pain of strong emotions, intense pressure and situations that I feel I can not change. So it goes beyond just a chemical addiction I have a self harm additions. More times then not I am sure when I am smoking the thoughts that are in my mind are thoughts of self-loathing, or about some action that someone has done and now I am internalizing it. Or even a past event as far back as childhood. I am now tired of smoking physically and emotionally. So I have not done a complete 180 right now I am sitting at 90 degrees and smoking is keeping me from reaching 180 degrees. A am a closet smoker (No I do not kid myself I know there are people know) But I do not smoke in my home, in my vehicles. No one that I know has physically seen me smoking in over 10 years. They may have smelled it on me but have not seen me smoking. So when I do smoke it is quick and fast. (Hot Boxer) I am not back on the Train yet but I will be on Sunday. I really do not want to take the YoYo approach to quitting. Been there done that did not work. I want to read Allen Carrs book I have it printed out but I do not want to wait until I finish the book to quit. Next blog post will be how being a NON Smoker will support my personal hopes and desires. ONWARD TO A 180

Way To Go!!!!!!

Good Job and very as a baby quitter this is so encouraging to read.

Jackie Good Job I know it was tough and difficult but YOU MADE IT!!!! I hope today is a much better day.

YAY Michelle so glad that you pushed through and kept the quit. Proud of you! YOU ROCK!!!!!