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Showing content with the highest reputation since 12/16/18 in Blog Entries

  1. 11 points
    I've umm'ed and ahh'ed about writing another blog entry, I don't like to be rushed I guess. I thought I was in a new year and heading for my 4th year quit but on perusing the site, transpires I'm heading for my 5th lol. Smoking is an enigma to me now but those who knew my habit 2+ packs a day for years can't believe I have stayed quit *cough, this site* and new friends can't imagine me as a smoker! The latter is a compliment for sure. However when I quit it was with two others. My Mum and my then boyfriend, now just one of my best friends. Both relapsed. Chris, my friend, smokes heavily again and has done for 4 years, no quit in sight. Sadly my Mum damaged herself too heavily and last May, 1 day before her 70th birthday, I stood at her bedside after the awful news she wouldn't make it - to talk her over to the other side. Our relationship had been fairly strained but I'm pleased we had marginally reconnected for a few months before she died of multiple organ failure - drinking and smoking were at the heart of it all, quite literally. I have the most awful memories and photographic evidence of me holding her hand and cuddling in as I was telling her to look for our loved ones...when we should have been preparing for her birthday. If you have children and are on the fence then please consider that it isn't just you who suffers. Get educated and be real. The quit itself is effortless now. I remember at times that I would have smoked here and smile that it means absolutely nothing, it simply a memory. My children are level 4 and 5 (red and green belt) at mixed martial arts where I used the money from quitting to put them in a club to train. I should really go to that gym I pay for more, oops, but I can still run faaarrrr better than I ever could as a smoker, even with the gaps in training haha. The quit bought me strength, joy and healthier finances....I have never looked back. I completely retrained myself with a new career and am happily teaching both Reiki healing and Tarot Cards that I trained in. My point is the quit bought me nothing but good and joy. Those who didn't commit have a painful story attached. Love to all. Marti. xx
  2. 8 points
    I am feeling very proud that I've started the new year as a non-smoker. This is my longest quit ever and I look forward to the additional days, weeks, months and eventual years of success. Even though I get a craving now and then, I am able to hold strong in my determination to have Not One Puff Ever (NOPE). Thank you to Quit Train and all the other quitters who help me get off to a strong, successful quit. Happy, successful New Year to us all! Deanna
  3. 5 points
    So yes, I know the first question that might pop up in your head is wait, what? Superheroes and smoking? What kinda connection is that? Well, I'm a huge nerd/geek/fangirl (whatever other fancy term you may want to use) and a big big follower of the comic book/superhero universe. And though I love both DC (Batman, Superman, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Green Lantern, Cyborg, Green Arrow etc) and Marvel (Ironman, Spiderman, Dr. Strange, Thor, Hulk, Hawkeye, Thanos, Loki etc) the one guy that stands above all for me is Batman. Why him you may ask? Because Batman is amongst that rare breed of superheroes, who doesn't necessarily have any superpower, per se. He's not faster than a speeding bullet, webs don't shoot out of his hands, he doesn't have the strength of a God. In fact, he's a lot more human than any other superhero I know. What he has is grit and determination, to train better, have better gadgets, use technology and science to overcome superhuman challenges, and yes of course he's rich :p Point being, Batman grapples with his own self every single day, when confronted with the question: Why does he fight? Why not leave it to the others who have a lot of extra things going for them. Why put his mind and body through incessant beatings, efforts and still see himself come up short sometimes against people with higher abilities, and then why doesn’t he give up, but enter the foray again? And the answer he gets is because he can. Because it is possible to try and make his city (Gotham) safer. Because he can fight back, even if not win each time. Because the body may heal, but not acting when he could have, that scar the mind cannot get rid off. Day after day, he chooses to fight and each time he chooses not to bow down to his own fears, he wins. That's where each of our battles with smoking come in. Nicotine addiction is a relentless foe. I have read so many posts here about people coming so close to smoking. Some in week 3, some in month 5, some even after a year or more. It sneaks up on you in your weakest moments, and makes you believe that lighting up will solve everything that is going on with you. And each of us fights that addiction, day in day out, incessantly. Each one of us is a superhero. We’ve all got our weaknesses, our problems, but each one of us chooses to fight them rather than give in to the craving of smoking. It’s the easier bit, giving in. But keeping on fighting, now that is the stuff of legends. So kudos to each and every one of you. As Alfred Pennyworth (Batman’s Butler and confidante) once reminded him: Why do we fall sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.
  4. 4 points
    New delaying tactic... counting backward from 50, each number on inhalation or exhalation. Soon the tension will get too strong and an alarm in my head will sound. It'll be time to go to sleep, because if I stay up, I'm afraid I'll impulsively grab my purse and head to the gas station for cigarettes. I'd think that was impossible at this point, more than two weeks smoke-free, but if there's anything uncounted relapses have taught me, it's that I should never underestimate my tendency to overestimate my self control.
  5. 4 points
    It's after 8 pm. I can see myself in my mind's eye, grabbing my purse and heading out the door to the gas station to get cigarettes. A sigh of relief when I get back, sit on the patio, and light one up. On the other hand.... I'm no longer insensitive to the actual taste of a cigarette. It would be unpleasant. I'm no longer accustomed to having nicotine in my brain, so I'd be dizzy, and I don't like that feeling. I'd have wasted $9.00. In future dollar terms, that's near $90. And that's the cost of living (more, actually) for a day in the future. I'd have added to the harm already done to my teeth and gums, and the veins in my legs. I'd return to the gray face and premature wrinkles. I'd have lost the 12 day stretch I achieved. I'd have lost the fragile sense of being able to trust myself again. Sigh. It's not worth it. Skip the smoke. Drink a glass of water, walk the dog, and go to sleep.
  6. 3 points
    Craving a smoke badly. Not Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Thought about posting an SOS, but I asked myself, "Am I really that close to flipping mindsets and going out to buy cigarettes?" Nah. It's too cold outside. It's dark. I've eaten a light, healthy dinner. I walked about a mile today with my dog, so I feel pleasantly invigorated. Don't want to pollute my lungs or hand over any savings to tobacco magnates. I was watching a series on Netflix about people tidying up their homes with Marie Kondo. As the families in each episode go through their "stuff" and decide what to keep or part with, I began remembering my former home and how much I have lost. The sadness made me teary for a few moments, but then I sat up straight and shook it off. I returned to present-oriented and forward-thinking. Shifting my focus triggered a powerful craving. This is the point where I would have celebrated the transition from gloom to acceptance by going outside to have a smoke. And now I'm remembering my own post today about a bright line. Gloom is on the other side of the bright line. I am on this side, the right side. The bright line is inviolable. Deep breaths. Craving is weakening. Another episode of exerting willpower, and now I can relax again. Not taking a chance of recurring cravings today, though. It's only 6:00-ish (pm), but I will go to bed early. I dreamed once, recently, that I was arguing about smoking with someone. I didn't want to, but he was strong and demanding. Other than that, no dreams about smoking or craving in my sleep. One's willpower ebbs as the day progresses and by evening temptations can feel impossible to resist. A few dark chocolate chips for a dopamine hit. A mango. Then brush teeth and to sleep.
  7. 1 point
    Everyone gets depressed sometime...…. I seem to be depressed all of the time, but I have this most wonderful mask that I made that hides it from everyone - we all have one - the one that we call our 'everyday face'. My everyday face normally has a wide smile on it, one with crooked yellowing teeth that is just a silly grin, but it hided the real me that I almost never show to anyone. Those closest to me are the only ones that see my real face more often than not, but even then, I have another mask that I try to keep in place to stop them from sharing as much of my pain as I can, because I love them deeply. I'm here today because it's Christmas and just 3 years and 3 days since my mother died. I had gone sick from work to live with her during her last 3 months of life. She had dystonia from when she was 52 years old, which caused the muscles in her neck and one side of her back to pull her over until she was walking with her head down by her knees. She needed elbow crutches to walk and a wheelchair if she needed to walk more than about 20 yards, but she remained a very strong woman until her death. Those three months were the worst part of my life, but I kept one or other of my masks in place throughout it until the very end, when I could not hold them stable any more. And after she finally died I just collapsed and kept myself numb for months...…. oh god, this is so very, very hard, but so very necessary for me to face up to right now. Need to stop for a while.
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QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

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