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Sometimes, we go through things. There is always a reason in my humble opinion. Every time I hit a milestone, or another 1,000 cigarettes not smoked, I celebrate. No matter what is going on, no matter how I am financially. The reason for this is simple, I believe this freedom was hard fought for. I have often given thanks to friends here, newer and older quits for helping me find my path to finally make this attempt stick. I have had major wobbles, even an SOS back in April and untold swearing ...enough to worry people which does bring a smile to my face. I have been struggling of late. Not with the quit itself, I am good not smoking. My fight is with fear, fear of relapse as I get ever closer to my previous world quit record and the stress around me intensifies. Although the scenarios are different the message is the same, same timings, different stress...but still ...fear is not always rational is it. I started to wonder, did I always have the strength to quit, or did I get this re-newed strength to stay quit with each day, or sometimes hour/minute that passed? I decided about half hour ago, as I read two totally different things here that solidified my quit and my strength again ...the strength I feel in myself, is as a result of the quit. Sometimes we forget. Early days I don't think we even know it could be a benefit, so caught up are we in simply getting through what we feel then. So this is my message to myself in a way and to honour a fabulous guy who said write down why you will always stay quit. There can be no weak moments in this health and wealth roulette. Don't ever forget the gift of being free. A gift we unknowingly gave away, with no idea of the life we were signing up for. Don't forget the mental battles. Remember the vigilant quit survives, it's not about being less addicted or even a stronger person...it's about understanding we face an addiction which can lay dormant if we simply follow NOPE. The pride you feel when you tell someone you've quit, even if they don't understand quite what that means. So for 9,000 not smoked, I bought myself some new oracle cards (similar to tarot). They are magnificent, angel ones and fairy ones, so beautiful... like my quit :)

I'm free, I live in freedom from cigarettes or their substitutes Nicotine Replacement Therapy: a full 2 weeks without nicotine and NOW I know what it's like to not crave, crawl upon the ceiling for a cigarette, screw my quit because I'm in continues withdrawals from NRT. The poison left my body and all what's left is mental junkie thinking; don't buy it, don't use 'm as an excuse to puff just that óne! I could have snatched a cigarette and in the past I would have but not today: first time after New Years Eve I had therapy today and when I get outta cab I see someone lurking on a fag like it delicious.... I wonder did I look so desperate before too? A few minutes later (I'm 1 hour and 15 minutes too early) I watch my therapist go outside for his fix. He once said to me no more talk about quiting smoking you use it as an excuse not to feel, it's a distraction this cuclus of cigs and puffs. He also made very clear neither one of us would be able to live without cigarettes. I didn't tell him today after his fix, client and another 2 fixes that I'm FREE... Do I have my issues ow yea sure mostly mental after trauma but it didn't even cross my mind I wanted a smoke after therapy.If we talk about nicotine now I say I know what FREEDOM means: NOT ONE PUFF EVER