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Death In The West - The Marlboro Story (Full Documentary)

Border line SOS today

Soozie

By Soozie,
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Soozie Newbie

Soozie

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I haven't had the best day today.

 

Pretty much all day I've had an urge to smoke. First time since last Sunday strangely enough.

 

I went out to lunch with my daughter had a lovely time and didn't feel too bad.

 

When we got home I had to fight the urge for about 2 hours or more. I very nearly picked up a smoke. My daughter smokes, plus I've still got some in the house for when hubby gets home on Tuesday.  I even had a sniff of them in the packet. To be honest I felt thoroughly miserable. My junkie brain started playing games with me ... maybe I'm just one of lifes smokers ? I could have a few tonight ? I could quit on my 50th birthday ... may as well just light up now because clearly I'm not going to manage this for the rest of my life etc etc ...  I knew what was going on, but it still had me torn, not quite sure which way to turn.

 

I was thinking of all of you here, if I smoke I can't tell them, I will feel as if I'm letting them down, well OK I won't go back, after a few days they'll forget all about me. But in a few days I'll want to quit again and I'll have to tell them the truth like I did the last time. Or maybe I could have a couple wake up tomorrow a non-smoker and just not tell anyone !!!! How low can we stoop with this terrible addiction ?

 

I wanted to get on the computer and start reading "fixating on a cigarette" I thought that would be a good place to start, also I wanted to get on here and ask for help, the reason I didn't was because I was supposed to be spending some quality mother/daughter time. Sometimes it's just not possible to jump online and get the help we need when we need it. 

 

 

I am feeling a bit better now, not 100% but much better than earlier. My emotions have gone a full circle and now I'm angry that my addiction spoilt what should have been a perfect afternoon. 

 

Sorry guys, I know I'm prattling on a bit here, but I've just had an awful day  :(  :(  :(

 

Sue x

 

PS ... on a positive note I'm so glad I'm here on the Quit train, because if I was still across the border,I would have to endure some smart arse olde pharte making me feel even worse than I already do, which is what happened last Sunday ! 

 

 

 

 

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soozie you are 10 days into your quit and you got yourself through your own SOS I think thats pretty awesome please do not feel guilty or bad because you thought about it, OMG if I was to beat myself

Nicole Diver
Nicole Diver

Welllll it's not always easy, but I try and look at it as, what in life is always easy? Stay strong. In my early days I'd listen to Allen Carr's audio book whenever I felt like I was 'missing out' o

Soozie
Soozie

it's only 6.30 !!!   I'm feeling heaps better now, thanks to all of you ... I'm playing my 50th birthday party 70's disco playlist...    adding some new one's and deleting the not so good one's, t

action Newbie

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Sue, so glad you posted this and that you didn't smoke!

 

The fact that you recognised it was junkie thinking is really great - once we can recognise that we have a decision to make. Obey or tell it to shut up. You made the right choice!

 

About you leaving and not being missed - are you crazy?! I bet there would be a thread about you asking where you were pretty sharpish!

 

And I'm glad you were not afraid to post - feels great to be safe here.

 

Oh and you used the word prattling, so know I have to find a way to use that today too. What a gear word!

 

(((((Soozie)))))

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Doreensfree Grand Master

Doreensfree

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Soozie hi dear friend.....don't you dare.....I'll get a flight and come slap you myself.....

Come...on.....of course you will have craves......tell them to go to hell....

Remember all the reasons you wanted to quit.....

Remember my pm,s......

We can do this.....together.....

Stay close to the board

Hugs xxxxx

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Soozie Newbie

Soozie

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Sue, so glad you posted this and that you didn't smoke!

 

The fact that you recognised it was junkie thinking is really great - once we can recognise that we have a decision to make. Obey or tell it to shut up. You made the right choice!

 

About you leaving and not being missed - are you crazy?! I bet there would be a thread about you asking where you were pretty sharpish!

 

And I'm glad you were not afraid to post - feels great to be safe here.

 

Oh and you used the word prattling, so know I have to find a way to use that today too. What a gear word!

 

(((((Soozie)))

thankyou Ross ... you're very kind (my eldest son is called Ross)

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Soozie Newbie

Soozie

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Soozie hi dear friend.....don't you dare.....I'll get a flight and come slap you myself.....

Come...on.....of course you will have craves......tell them to go to hell....

Remember all the reasons you wanted to quit.....

Remember my pm,s......

We can do this.....together.....

Stay close to the board

Hugs xxxxx

Yes I know, Doreen, I'm not going to have one ... 

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Doreensfree Grand Master

Doreensfree

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That's my girl....you just want to scare me eh?

Well done.......I'm proud of you.....

When I first joined here,I remember saying ima having a wobble....

Don't remember who said it...but they said you can wobble but don't fall over.....

This was great advice.....

We're here for you sweetie...

Xxxxxx

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Tink Newbie

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soozie I am glad you are feeling better now and can i say that we would have missed you and we would of had to hunt you down  :ph34r:

 

The most important thing is to recognise these moments and know we can get through them I feel emotions are strongly linked to our junkie thoughts but we can get through them as you have done 

 

never be afraid to post we are here to support each other

 

i want to hug you and pat you on the back xxxx

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El Bandito Apprentice

El Bandito

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Soooooz!

 

It's all because of your Soap Opera problem.....(ok maybe not)

 

Fantastic work on posting here. Absolutely brilliant fight off of the crave.

 

You are doing amazingly. With so many smokers around you, there will be temptation. You will feel like having a cigarette from time to time.

 

You spent years training your body that smoking was good, was relaxing. Now you have spent a few weeks telling it the opposite.

 

Are you really surprised that it is not quite sure what to believe yet?

 

Nobody died from a crave.

 

You did brilliantly Soozie and these will get easier and less frequent...

 

Keep smiling!

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sherry Newbie

sherry

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Sorry, I got bumped off, but I see the Calvary came in..

 

I'm SOOO very proud of you for saying "no" and getting past it.. and you're right, it's not always easy to get here when you might need to , but you did a FANTSTIC job!!! ((Big Hugs)) :D

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Soozie Newbie

Soozie

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Soooooz!

 

It's all because of your Soap Opera problem.....(ok maybe not)

 

Fantastic work on posting here. Absolutely brilliant fight off of the crave.

 

You are doing amazingly. With so many smokers around you, there will be temptation. You will feel like having a cigarette from time to time.

 

You spent years training your body that smoking was good, was relaxing. Now you have spent a few weeks telling it the opposite.

 

Are you really surprised that it is not quite sure what to believe yet?

 

Nobody died from a crave.

 

You did brilliantly Soozie and these will get easier and less frequent...

 

Keep smiling!

 

I don't feel as if I did brilliantly ... feel like crap to be honest lol

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I don't feel as if I did brilliantly ... feel like crap to be honest lol

You didn't smoke Soozie, so you did do brilliantly. Sometimes you can't help how you feel, you can only help what you do.

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rww Newbie

rww

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Soozie, it's good that you didn't smoke, you are stronger than that! :)

 

 

Sometimes we a just have those days, where without an apparent reason the craving hits and doesn't go away. Then we fixate on it and the intent to smoke grows, and it's a miserable state to be in. But you have to remember that this day will too pass, it's just one day, it will become a yesterday and soon it will be just one of the many days that have gone by. You don't want to mark it by smoking, that way it will become a day which you will dearly regret. But you will be so glad you didn't! I know that when I have those moments, be it with a morning coffee or because of no reason whatsoever, when the craving passes I'm like "sheesh, I'm so happy I didn't give into that moment of weakness!" So I try to think about the after-crave instead of the crave itself. You know that those are just momentary feelings, but the feeling of the gratification about your quit is permanent :)

 

You said it's a mother daughter day, but if you don't feel up to it, maybe cut it short and take a nap/bath, both? Or how about take your daughter and and go to a spa, pamper yourself for you deserve it :)

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El Bandito Apprentice

El Bandito

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I don't feel as if I did brilliantly ... feel like crap to be honest lol

Yep, inner junky. He/she wants you to feel miserable!

 

You, in the midst of smokers, at a change of season have quit smoking. Brilliant! Not only that but you just fought off a full blown heck week crave.

 

Feel Good Soozie. Be Proud of yourself. I'm proud of you!

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Soozie Newbie

Soozie

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Incidentally...post in the SOS sub forum next time! I follow that sub forum, which means I get an email whenever there is a post!

 

Rocket Surgeon on call!

 

the reason I didn't post there was because I was over the worst of it, and didn't want a false alarm, somebody else may have been in a worse state than I was and needed the help more than I did  ...  a bit like calling an ambulance when you think you're having a heart attack to find out it's only heartburn 

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Tink Newbie

Tink

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soozie you are 10 days into your quit and you got yourself through your own SOS I think thats pretty awesome please do not feel guilty or bad because you thought about it, OMG if I was to beat myself up everytime I was close I would be a soggy mess on the floor right now

 

please see the strength in what you did and have achieved here today ((hugs))

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Soozie Newbie

Soozie

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it's only 6.30 !!!

 

I'm feeling heaps better now, thanks to all of you ... I'm playing my 50th birthday party 70's disco playlist...

 

 adding some new one's and deleting the not so good one's, that will keep me busy until bedtime ... now I've settled down, I feel like a bit of a drama queen/plonka ... I can't thank you all enough .. just hope one day I can return the favour 

 

Sue x

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