Taking a couple of cigarettes to the patio with me was the way I could get through making an unpleasant, yet obligatory, phone call to a person who is toxic for me.

I'm about to make that phone call again -- to wish her Merry Christmas -- and the minute I picked up the phone to call, I started a deep craving for a smoke. Or six.

 

In the back of my mind is the memory of a few posts by various successful quitters that there will be situations that you come up with for the first time since quitting, and you (I, we) have to learn to cope with those situations without a cigarette. And here goes.... dialing...

 

I'm on that call now and  I'm sitting here typing a boring post instead of smoking. 

This person is confusion on steroids.  It's catchy. Takes me a week to regain my own emotional equanimity. 

 

OK, whew. Over. I was a bit impatient. Thoughts kept returning to having a cigarette. Hopefully I was kind. I think I was. Only 12 minutes. A record short call. Usually 20-45 minutes. 

And I made it without a cigarette. 

Sigh of relief. 

On to the ice cream. I'm in need of a dopamine hit. 

 

Well done Kate

Well Done, went in with a plan and it seems to have worked, good for you!!!!

Another major trigger anticipated, battle waged and won! That's one you'll never have to fear again because you know how to handle it without smoking.

That's how our permanent quits are built - one battle at a time; fought & won  

Might I ask -

If this person is toxic, why not cut ties? I mean dealing with her is no better for your mental health than smoking is for one's physical health.

 

Edited December 26, 20187 yr by Jet Black

I had a similar issue for years and the toxic person was a sister who wanted nothing more than to drag everyone down to her level of misery in life. It was almost impossible to get off the phone with her without being simply rude and hanging up. When it comes to family dynamics, it's not always so black and white as just cutting someone out of your life. In my case the issue resolved itself when she died.

I get the obligation and not being able to just cut this person from your life.. you should be so proud of yourself... you spottedd a potential issue, you went in with a plan... you did what had to be done and you did not have a smoke. What a great feather to add to your quit cap... super effort and your only in week 2... good signs young lady.

5 hours ago, Jet Black said:

Might I ask -

If this person is toxic, why not cut ties? I mean dealing with her is no better for your mental health than smoking is for one's physical health.

 

I've cut back contact to about every other week. It would be too unkind to sever all contact. She intends well, she's tried for years to change her behavior with professional help. She has had clinical depression for decades--well before there was competent therapy or drugs for it. She is nearly 90 now, so she won't be around for many more years. I would regret it for the rest of my life if I did not show her kindness.  I've declined to talk about some things, telling her that these are personal and I don't want to share. She's slipped a couple of times, but she tries.

5 hours ago, reciprocity said:

I had a similar issue for years and the toxic person was a sister who wanted nothing more than to drag everyone down to her level of misery in life. It was almost impossible to get off the phone with her without being simply rude and hanging up. When it comes to family dynamics, it's not always so black and white as just cutting someone out of your life. In my case the issue resolved itself when she died.

 

Lol thats pretty sad. The issue resolved itself when she died? Thats dark Peter.

On 12/26/2018 at 3:44 PM, Kate18 said:

I've cut back contact to about every other week. It would be too unkind to sever all contact. She intends well, she's tried for years to change her behavior with professional help. She has had clinical depression for decades--well before there was competent therapy or drugs for it. She is nearly 90 now, so she won't be around for many more years. I would regret it for the rest of my life if I did not show her kindness.  I've declined to talk about some things, telling her that these are personal and I don't want to share. She's slipped a couple of times, but she tries.

 

Kate I love that you put yourself through this just to be kind. 

 

The world needs more people like you in it X x