Rosewothorne

My meeting went fine...i talked too fast at first but then it was great. Thank you all so much for your suggestions. I totally freaked out and couldn't remember what I was supposed to do. When the tears came, I knew I was in trouble; I don't cry easy. I can do anxiety, but that was about 20 minutes of panic. At least, now I know what to do when it happens again: breathe deep, drink water, "smoke" a pen or a straw, get some hard candies or gum or something. I did have my before and after meeting pen and straw. LOL. I'm so glad there are people who can understand that and not judge it. I don't have to or need to smoke to lead a meeting. WOOHOO! Thanks again for talking me off the ledge.

Just about meeting time...I feel much better. Thank you for your practical suggestions.

Perfect! I don't have an air cigarette but this Bic Pen is working pretty good. I'm so glad I work from home. :-) Thank you. Getting better...

Thank you! Yes! That was part of my plan that I forgot about: breathing and water. I like the reward and the reminder to add to it. Gawd my brain was so stuck...starting to loosen. Thank you.

I don't know why tf this posted three times mea culpa...

So one of the things I always did was smoke a cigarette or two before a meeting, especially a meeting I am leading. I get a little nervous before the meetings and cigarettes help me cope...that is my thinking. I have the first meeting since I quit in less than an hour and my heart is starting to pound and all of the sudden I've tears in my eyes for some reason unbeknownst to me. Seriously? I have no cigarettes in the house; there may be - no there are a few smokeable butts in the trash...how disgusting is that to consider? I know that I don't need one; it doesn't help with stress and it causes more...that's a scientific fact. But this is a big crutch that I've relied on for forever and I'm going to do without. I had a plan earlier but it's completely escaping me. I know it's a short notice SOS and I hate asking for help but I may need some help right now. So if anyone is out there a few words or distraction suggestions because I feel fresh out drawing a blank and I'm starting to get a headache. Good grief. An hour ago I felt really good about this and not making a big deal of it and now I'm starting to panic. Talk about a big deal. ARGH. I'm just repeating I can do this. I can do this....

So one of the things I always did was smoke a cigarette or two before a meeting, especially a meeting I am leading. I get a little nervous before the meetings and cigarettes help me cope...that is my thinking. I have the first meeting since I quit in less than an hour and my heart is starting to pound and all of the sudden I've tears in my eyes for some reason unbeknownst to me. Seriously? I have no cigarettes in the house; there may be - no there are a few smokeable butts in the trash...how disgusting is that to consider? I know that I don't need one; it doesn't help with stress and it causes more...that's a scientific fact. But this is a big crutch that I've relied on for forever and I'm going to do without. I had a plan earlier but it's completely escaping me. I know it's a short notice SOS and I hate asking for help but I may need some help right now. So if anyone is out there a few words or distraction suggestions because I feel fresh out drawing a blank and I'm starting to get a headache. Good grief. An hour ago I felt really good about this and not making a big deal of it and now I'm starting to panic. Talk about a big deal. ARGH. I'm just repeating I can do this. I can do this....

It amazes me how in such a short time, you can get a real boost to your self esteem and sense of accomplishment by quitting something so bad for you. That is where I am today (at least for the moment). I was actually able to concentrate on my work this morning for two hours without even thinking about smoking. Well, actually that's not true but I was able to quickly brush aside smoking thoughts and carry on. Someone else said it but I think I agree that the Chantix must truly be a wonder drug for me because this is SO much easier than the last time I quit...again at least that's how I feel right now in this moment... Another thing that's helped is that I know what to expect because of my previous quit experience. My excuse or one of my excuses to keep smoking, or say I wasn't ready to quit yet, has always been because I didn't want to put myself through that hell again like the first time I quit. I was afraid of that hell. Apparently deathly afraid since I continued to smoke for another 15 years after that first slip. But honestly, the only thing that's been scary so far was that first step saying ok I'm gonna do this because I ran out of cigarettes. And even then, I didn't make a super big deal out of it -- I'll give it a shot and see what happens -- and it wasn't too bad at all. I know it's early days for me but I'm not sure why I was so afraid to quit again. Yesterday kind of sucked with anxieties, lots of smoke thoughts, etc. I paced, sang poorly and loudly, and did jumping jacks. I meditated for a bit. The urges/thoughts eased up in the afternoon. Then they started back in the evening. Around 11pm, I had one and thought to myself, "don't make a big deal out of this. it's a normal part of the process. it's just what happens biologically, emotionally. it's only a big deal if you make it a big deal." I was kind of proud of that thought when I had it because it was like I was all grown up now. Haha. I'm 52 (and it's still debatable whether I'm a grown up) and yes, I'm talking out loud and answering myself now...Quit Train=Crazy Train. Or maybe it's just that one car on the train they reserve for the newbie quitters. Coincidentally 11pm last night was exactly 72 hours since my last cigarette. I believe I'm nicotine free now. That's kind of cool. Been a long time since that's happened. Another celebration for me.

NOPE!

Sazerac - I loved both of those and needed them. I kept saying to the bird in the second video — stop it asshat just don’t do it jump over it — I said it out loud very seriously wanting him not to be so stupid. Loved it. Thank you.

This is my day 3. When I woke up today I felt it would be different -- more challenging -- uphill road, maybe covered in ice. I'm pretty sure "nicodemon" was whispering in my ear. I don't want to feed my anxieties and fears and make more of them than I need to. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I read one of the posts yesterday about how we should make it hard to smoke instead of make it hard to quit. That makes a lot of sense to me...very practical, sensible, logical. I also read a bit about the danger of romancing the cigarette...so don't make it any more than what it is: a habit I am giving up to save my life from some hellish diseases that result from smoking. That reminds me. On Day 1, I saw this commercial that I guess Phillip Morris, RJ Reynolds and tobacco companies must air. It came on twice during the show i was watching and basically was just narrated words and said something like, we put nicotine in cigarettes to make you addicted and keep you buying and the plain truth is that cigarettes kill people...it was longer and more detailed than that but I've not seen it before, saw it twice on Monday night, and not seen it since. I figured it was a sign of encouragement meant just for me. :-) Day 2 wasn't too bad. A lot of the same triggers and some new but obvious ones to catch me by surprise...leaving the house and wanting to go get my smokes before i went out the door, getting in the car, which smells a lot like smoke. Add that to the list - clean the car out this weekend. Those damn sliding glass doors that catch me almost every time I walk past. I smoked on the deck; it has been my sanctuary. I actually took a snack (nuts and dried berries) went outside, sat in my chair, and ate my snack. My husband came out and said you shouldn't be out here! I said I love it out here and I need to attempt to redefine my space. Special thanks to Beazel's blog post for that idea. Benefits - I was trying to decide whether to wash a sweater I wore yesterday - yes i sniffed it - and it smelled fresh like shower gel. That made me kind of happy. Also, I didn't have to run back in the house to get my smokes. I've told my children, my sister, and my Facebook friends that I haven't had a cigarette since Sunday night at 11pm. I'm accountable and my honor is at stake now. This time tomorrow? The nicotine will be gone from my system. That's something to look forward to. So today? Today I feel weakened, drained. But I'm going to work on NOT romancing the cigarette. I'm going to try and acknowledge my anxiety as a normal part of this process of giving up a destructive habit. I'm going to try to not dwell on the anxiety, the urge to smoke. I'll pace, take a break, meditate, take a nap, jump up and down, sing really bad and really loud, deep breathe, or do anything when the urges and smoking thoughts start to get to me. The urge to smoke will pass whether I smoke or not and I'll choose not to smoke right now. I'm going to follow the signs and put on metaphorical ice cleats or whatever you wear to walk on ice--quit train, why quit, etc.--and slug my way up the hill today.

NOPE! Not today

OMG on the caffeine thing. Thank you for looking that up for me. It's me! I don't think I need as much coffee as I did before. I love coffee, but I think I'll consider it another benefit of quitting smoking.

Woohoo!!! I made it through day 1 and am on day 2. A few strong cravings yesterday but I've actually had an hour or so at a time where I didn't actually think about smoking. I think that's the thing that I hated most the last time I quit -- obsessing over smoking for the first three months or so. The cool thing is that even though the last time I quit smoking was 15 years ago, a lot of the things I learned then kicked in yesterday. That's good news. My husband received a stressful call last night from his adult son's mother...It was a situation that normally would have sent me outside to smoke and I thought multiple times, "I need to smoke, I want to smoke." BUT I DIDN'T SMOKE. That is cause for celebration...a small one...but a celebration of victory because I can do this not smoking thing and it's ok; i'm not gonna die from it; it's not impossible. I looked around the forums and read some of the posts and some of the materials for newbies yesterday and I'll do some today as well. I listened/watched one of the Why Quit videos. These are things that mentally help me. Belonging to something positive and good with other positive and good people around is super important. Physical symptoms - headache, tightness in the chest, a little bit of GERD, difficulty falling asleep. Deep breathing (in for five, hold for five, release and repeat) helped a lot throughout the day. I used bourbon to help with the sleeping thing. Not a great idea in hindsight. Next time I'll try a self guided meditation instead of self-medication. I need to identify substitute activities: take a walk, clean a drawer, organize a closet... I want to be healthy and enjoy my new physical energy. I don't know whether this is nervous withdrawal energy or what but I only needed one cup of coffee this morning and that's after only about four hours of sleep. I need to take better care of myself. I'm so glad I've taken this first step down the no smoking road and hopped on this quit train!

NOPE! Not now, not today!

Thanks all! I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on this whole thing and appreciate your feedback and inspiration. I am using Chantix to help with my quit and I did use a support group the last time I quit many years ago. It was very helpful to educate myself and read others' experience and ask for help when I need it. It was also good to be around people with similar situations. I was more a reader/stalker then and this time I think I'd like to be more vocal or active poster. All the best... Rose

I wasn't really prepared to quit. I've been putting it off for a year and half. My doctor gave me chantix and she picked a quit date for me. It passed on February 1, 2018. So April 9 is the day I quit smoking. Two months later than I promised my Doctor. But better late than never. I've been smoking since I was 13, off and on until about 21 when I took up smoking in earnest. I averaged about 10-13 cigarettes a day until, at 51, I experienced some personal trauma and I began to bump it up to a 20-25 smokes a day. That was a year and a half ago. I quit once about 15 years ago and it lasted 3 years. I used nicorette gum for a couple weeks and then went cold turkey and used a support group online - I think it was freedom from smoking. One of the members from that built his own site and this one kind of reminds me of it, which is why I joined. I remember WhyQuit.com too. Anyway, I wasn't really mentally prepared to quit today. But I'm out of cigarettes - smoked my last one last night at 11pm. So what the hell? I'm not being flip. I could come up with a million reasons why next Tuesday or Saturday or two weeks from now would be a much better day for me to quit. Because then I can plan, prepare, etc. Well, truth is I've intended to quit for more than a year and never really got around to planning and preparing so today, without any cigarettes, is a good day to quit. I remind myself that I'm choosing to quit smoking. I'm choosing not to smoke right now, this minute. And in the next minute that I need to I'll remind myself again that it's a choice and the right choice, the best choice, possibly the most important choice of my life...I'm at that fork in the road: to smoke? or not to smoke? I've previewed and envisioned what's down the "to smoke" road and it's not pretty. It doesn't have to be me. So on Day 1, Step 1 is to choose to take the "to not smoke" road. So far so good. Many things come back to me from that last time I quit. I remember the first 72 hours or so were kind of foggy and hellish as the nicotine left my system. I remember "the urge to smoke will pass whether I smoke or not." I remember - delay, distract, and I forgot the other two "Ds" - there were four altogether. I remember some of the Joel Spitzer things too and it's good to know here is a place where I can find those resources as well as support from others. I remember the feeling of needing to drink or eat something --- feed that empty hole that quitting nicotine causes. Last time I quit I drank so much coffee at first that I ended up with chest pains and went to the doctor who told me to stop drinking so much coffee. :-) So today I had some herbal tea when I felt like that fourth cup of coffee might be useful to me. The chantix seems to help but it's early and I know i must be vigilant. Around lunch time I had a major urge or craving or whatever you call it as I walked past the sliding glass doors to where I spend most of my smoking time. It took me by surprise with its strength...it almost felt like a physical pull, but I delayed and distracted myself with deep breathing - that was one of the Ds! I also ate lunch - I remember hungry, angry, lonely, tired (HALT) as times I might be more vulnerable. What are my reasons for quitting? (I remember this was something you were supposed to do as part of the quit smoking program.) I want to quit for my health. I don't like the congested sound I have sometimes when I laugh. I can see tiny fine lines forming around my lips from where I pucker to smoke and I'm not quite ready for that. I feel really bad that my son picked up part-time smoking (he's 22) and maybe I can be a positive example for him to quit also and not follow in my footsteps. I don't like to be smelly - or get that judgy look people give you on an elevator when you've just come in from smoking. I don't want my friends and relatives to say, "you really should quit" ever again because it's annoying. I could save a good deal of money ($65/week at least). I don't have to go outside and freeze my ass off to smoke -- especially since winter seems to be hanging on for so long in these parts. I want to succeed and feel good about succeeding. Lots of challenges, I know. My husband smokes. He says he's going to quit too. Fighting cravings, urges, anxieties, crutches, etc. And what is that fourth D?

Hi all! Just found this site this morning. This is my Day 1 of quitting smoking. I quit once before for 3 years so I know i can do it again. Look forward to giving and getting support with fellow quitters!

Today is my first day to say "NOPE" :-)