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Know any funny jokes or quotes ..

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19 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

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Gday

well…. It’s getting less important.

face it. Grass doesn’t grow on a busy hiway.

 

A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

A woman was home chatting with her girlfriend in the living room when they see her husband walking up the driveway with a bunch of flowers.  "Great," the woman says to her friend.  "Now I'm going to have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air."  Her friend replies, "Well why don't you just use a vase?"

What's 6 inches long, hard as a rock, and full of semen?

 

The sock under my bed.

Edited by BKP
.

I sat on the exam table as my doctor looked through my charts. Finally he looked up and said, “I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.”

”Oh no,” I replied. “Does it cause blindness or something?”

”Not at all,” he said. “I just need to finish examining you.”

Three trees & a woodpecker

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but Here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small Tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch,

'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says,

"Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.'

Now wipe that smile off your face.

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